“Having too many children is a problem…” is a common story in the countryside. Since there is virtually no entertainment, sex with my wives is the only daily pleasure. Since more laborers and potential heirs are always better for the community, everyone is encouraged to try as hard as they can. As a result, a large family is formed in the blink of an eye. Especially for beastmen, twins and triplets are commonplace, so if you give birth many times, you quickly end up with a family numbering in the dozens. In Isaac’s case, since his wives are beastman sisters, he says his family has ballooned to about twenty children in no time, which sounds exhausting. Now, I’m in no position to tell him to hold back, though. In fact, the cat-beastman group is experiencing a baby boom. If you include the entire cat colony, I think my own children alone might exceed 200. That is more than double the original size of the colony. When I consulted Irina about whether we’d really be okay, she gave me a very dismissive answer: “It’s not as if we can’t support them. We have dragons, don’t we?” As for food, there is no issue, as the Blue and Silver Dragons—who have far too much time on their hands—take turns stationing themselves near the cat colony to support monster hunting. Regarding clothing and education, we can be flexible with whatever we need because direct trade with the Elf territory has been established. Once the children are old enough to understand things, they are enrolled in the private Polka Academy, where the Lorries serve as instructors. According to Laurie, cat-beiment children are as flighty as the rumors say, which makes things difficult; however, the faculty—consisting of Elves and Dragons with decades or even centuries of experience in various fields—is exceptionally talented. Some of the kittens are even showing magical potential that rivals Irina’s. Well, I suppose they’ll never truly reach her level since they don’t possess her lifespan.
“The fact that almost all of these are my children… it sounds weird, but it doesn’t quite feel real.” “It’s not like there’s any child that Papa doesn’t know, right?” “I know that, but… two hundred is a lot.” “And this isn’t even all of them, is it?” ”…That’s the thing.” I sighed while looking back at the Polka Academy auditorium with Claudio. Of course, children too young to comprehend things do not attend the academy. And while Claudio is only ten, being Hilda’s son, his intelligence is extraordinary; he has already self-taught most of the academy’s primary subjects and is treated like a graduate. He is a far cry from Peter, who does nothing but chase after breasts as usual. By the way, the academy is only in session for the six months of winter when everyone is idle; during the summer, they spend time in their respective homelands. It’s not just cat-beastmen; children of Elves and even prostitutes attend, and students also come from the town of Polka and Grange. But well, the ones who show up for the opening ceremony are mostly my children. The cat-beastmen, in particular, gather reliably because the dragons transport them. Furthermore, because the academy started as an extension of the church’s educational mission, they have inherited a loose attitude where it’s no big deal if they don’t show up for the opening or closing ceremonies. Then again, there’s no medal awarded for attending every single session, so I suppose that’s just how it is. There is one merit, though: while attending this academy, lodging and food are free. Since most of the students are my children, that’s how it happened for the external students as well. As for lodging, half of them stay while helping out at the inn we manage, and the other half stay at the Vapor Palace. Of course, the Palace is for my children only. Since a “Nude Paradise” is a bit too stimulating for the boys, I strongly recommend the inn. Some voices ask, “Is it okay for the girls?” but since my female slaves say, “It’s almost all women anyway, so it’s fine,” I find myself nodding in agreement. To be clear, I do not mandate undressing. However, since cat-beastmen are quite casual about such things, they tend to strip naked without any hesitation. I feel like this situation is not very good for my future policy of “I will not do anything lewd to my daughters.” Should I approach the Baron or Christie to arrange for another family-run inn? …But if I expand the inn business too much, it will start to involve the question of “Who am I?” I am a blacksmith. I am the owner of the Smeaton Armory. Though, as usual, no work comes my way from anyone except the crossbow corps. “Ugh…” “I always think this, but Papa has a lot of strange worries.” “I am a strange Papa… sorry.” Because my lifestyle is so different from that of other fathers, I often struggle to explain things to my growing children, so lately I’s been using the excuse “Because I’m a strange Papa” quite often. Since I’m a strange Papa, it can’t be helped if I have too many mamas. Since I’m a strange Papa, it can’t be helped if people don’t understand how I make my money. Since I’m a strange Papa, it can’t be helped if I make a fifteen-year-old newcomer a mama even though I’m already forty… No, no. That’s pushing it. Externally, my long-time female slaves are no longer referred to as slaves, but as my wives; however, they themselves don’t care much about the distinction. There is a broad classification of “female slave,” and within that, once someone is recognized as a “full member” through childbirth or significant contribution, they obtain the external title of “wife.” And recently, the number of female slaves has been increasing occasionally. I have no intention of increasing them, but it keeps happening.
“I really thought getting someone around Elenia’s age pregnant was a bad idea,” I thought to myself. Unfortunately, I have a bad habit of being unable to hold my ground against an assertive partner, and long story short, she ended up pregnant, and now there’s even a celebration party being held for it. I doubt many of the kids agree with my reasoning of, “Well, it can’t be helped, because your Papa is just weird.”
“I want to be a dad you can be proud of as much as possible… but I’m so strange there’s nothing to be proud of, is there?”
“Hmm. To me, you’re a perfectly wonderful dad.”
“You’re such a good boy, Claus…”
It was a touching moment.
However, I can’t fathom how a ten-year-old can find any redeeming qualities in a father who spends every single day soaking in hot springs completely naked while accidentally splashing “white urine” on dozens of different mamas. Even as I think about it, I can’t come up with a single thing that would be boastable.
“Everyone says that in Dark Elf culture, it’s already legendary that your libido is even stronger than Grandpa’s.”
“Wait. No, uh… first of all, who is ‘everyone’?”
“Like Mama Hilda, Mama Cosmos, Mama Mira, Mamaノール…”
“The Dark Elf cultural sphere goes that far with a ten-year-old…!?”
Their sex education is far too advanced.
Well, I suppose my own was far too delayed. When I was ten, I didn’t even understand what actual intercourse was, so I ended up accidentally giving Apple a “teasing” play session.
But what’s with these mothers who can so boldly and accurately teach a ten-year-old things like, “Your papa is powerful at sex”? And what’s with teaching him about his grandfather’s sexual affairs too?
“At least in Tarc, anyone who hears ‘Andy, the son-in-law of Onyx’ knows exactly who you are.”
That sounds like the kind of name that gets you pointed at and gossiped about.
“I don’t mind if that’s the reason for how things turned out, but I don’t want you boasting about that… First, I want you to find your own individual charm with a girl, one-on-one.”
I lectured him while patting my son’s head.
Claudio, being an elf-descended boy, has beautiful features that could easily be mistaken for a girl’s. His hair is a bit long for an ordinary boy, so if he cross-dressed, very few people would likely see through it.
After all, girls are creatures that love beautiful things. When a beautiful boy like this grows into a beautiful young man, he’ll undoubtedly be incredibly popular and live a much more blessed youth than I did—but I want him to at least understand the fundamental principle of one-on-one relationships.
I really don’t want my child to end up getting rejected harshly because he tried to build a massive harem like I did.
“Hmm…”
Claudio looked a little troubled by that.
Wait, are you one of those kids who thought a harem was the standard…?
“To be honest, I’m more… into boys than girls…”
My child uttered a shocking murmur.
”…Eh?”
“Eh, ah, no, I mean, I’m more toward that side, but…?”
”…O-oh.”
I, the father, was shaken.
N-no, think carefully. Think about it.
Hilda-san is a devoted wife and mother now, but she was originally bisexual. She has plenty of repertoire when it comes to pleasure with girls.
A mother with such an open-minded perspective wouldn’t deny her son’s preferences.
With Claus’s cuteness, finding a boyfriend shouldn’t be difficult. Besides, he said “more toward that side.” It’s not like he has no interest in women at all. His “strike zone” is just a bit too wide.
How could I, who has turned this many different species into my female slaves—species I shouldn’t have been able to lay hands on so easily—criticize the direction of Claus’s broad affection?
“P-Papa… well, I don’t think that’s… not a bad thing. Yeah. It’s a different direction from mine, but they say the cats get so aroused on full moon nights that they engage in erotic things with the same sex…”
That’s right. Homosexuality is by no means abnormal.
I’ve seen it around me before. It’s just that, by chance, the examples around me happened to be mostly women, so it didn’t catch my attention.
Okay. I’ve calmed down.
”…Thank you.”
As I accepted his minority sexual preference despite my inner turmoil, Claudio gave me an angelic smile.
Ugh… I can understand Hilda’s feelings just a little bit. Even if there are some questionable aspects to Claudio’s tastes, you just can’t bring yourself to say something so cruel to that smiling face.
“Tetes told me all sorts of things regarding… the use of the anus… and Hilda-mama said there are quite a lot of people in Talc who find it acceptable. I’m sure you’ll find a lover before long.”
”…Tetes…”
I feel a wave of complicated emotions toward these female slaves who are going out of their way to create the perfect environment for Claudio. I hate to complain, but… ugh.
Among the children, the most active lately is Frena, Neia’s daughter. Initially, she studied swordsmanship under Neia but lacked much talent; however, after learning dance from Mr. Nor and Mr. Lucino, her skills have shown remarkable progress. Her athleticism is, as expected, inherited from Neia, and with her small body, she brilliantly mimics the lively dance steps of the Dark Elves. That part is fine. The problem is that while she looks just like Neia, she has grown into a troublesome child who loves mischief—throwing eggs at others or stealing food, only to quickly vanish into the back alleys of the city. If it were Grunge or Polka, I’m used to it and could track her down, but in the Royal Capital or Talc, she disappears in the blink of an eye, so I can never let my guard down. If we use the dragons’ hearing, we can find her immediately, but the trouble is that since she’s been found several times that way, she learned from it—demonstrating a useless level of genius by independently developing magic to change her voice at just eleven years old, all so she could run around the capital undetected. And then, Neia finally snapped, and her full-force pursuit—relying on her continent-class physical abilities—left a legend in the Royal Capital, but let’s set that aside. She would be a good child if it weren’t for her penchant for pranks… though that might just be parental bias. Lately, Emma has been on high alert every time she leaves Grunge, to the point where I feel like she’s overdoing it…
“Pranks aside, because she’s learned somewhat acrobatic dancing, she’s developed a habit of choosing only dangerous places as her escape routes. Running around rooftops and along canal edges with a child’s physical abilities… it could lead to something irreversible.”
”…Yeah.”
“Something irreversible,” even with Polka’s Spirit Spring or Break Core’s regenerative healing, means death. Humans can die just from tumbling down a flight of stairs if they land badly. For a child, it’s even more so.
“We have to find a way to make her stop soon.”
“But… I wonder if she’ll actually listen. Her mother, Neia, has told her to stop because it’s dangerous countless times.”
“What if, for example, we gave her a slightly painful lesson…”
”…It would be great if it ended with just ‘slight’…”
”…Since she’s already managed to make Neia truly angry once, there’s no point unless we make her experience something even worse… Even ‘slight’ is difficult.”
Neia getting angry is a pretty big deal, though. Even worse than that…?
“Hmm… maybe it’s not scary because she’s always around Neia. Then, how about having someone else… someone truly dangerous, like Lyra, scold her…”
“Do you think a child who constantly messes with dragons can understand the terror of Lady Lyra?”
”…I see. In the end, she probably thinks the dragons will hold back in the end. Then, someone with a different kind of danger, like Tetes, or Cosmos-san, or Lady…”
“But that is ultimately the fear of the adult world…”
“Hmm…” How to effectively use anger on a child who has become too accustomed to formidable opponents. It’s quite difficult. What should we do…?
The one who solved this was, unexpectedly, Elenia.
“You just need to make Frena stop her senseless pranks, right?”
“W-Well, yeah…”
“Adults trying their hardest won’t work for things like that.”
Elenia said this as she took on the task. And a few days later, we caught Frena, who had come to Polka, boldly attempting to pull some sort of stunt on a Baron in the middle of the city.
“How long are you going to keep up with such tacky behavior? Aren’t you being a bit too much of a brat for an eleven-year-old?”
She looked down at Frena with eyes of pure, freezing contempt.
“Ugh… W-what are you saying?! You’re still…”
“Even after getting lessons in feminine dancing from Mama Nor, I guess a little country brat can only manage boyish playtime. Pfft.”
…So, the strategy is to prick each other’s pride, just like children do. Come to think of it, I suppose I was viewing all “adults” as one single category. At least, when I was around that age. When looking at someone purely as an object for teasing and play, it doesn’t matter how high-ranking or formidable they are; there is no difference. So, I can’t just be an observer; I have to step inside the line and reprimand her from the child’s perspective.
…As expected, Frena bit the bait of Elenia’s provocation easily. Perhaps it was because, as half-sisters with relatively close ages, they were already hyper-aware of one another.
“Polka is even more of the countryside than Grunge! And you act all grown-up, but you’re just a daddy’s girl! You’re actually more of a brat!”
…Hey. She’s coming for you, Ele. Looking at your recent behavior, I can’t even argue against that. I thought to myself, but Elenia remained composed.
“I guess that’s all a child’s mind can grasp.”
”…I-I hate you… Just because you’re a year or two older…”
“I’d prefer it if both boys and girls stopped being so obsessed with silly pranks once they reach six or seven. Seriously, how long do you plan to keep this up? Are you being coddled by Mama?”
“M-my mother is strict!”
Don’t make our mothers the subject of your jokes. Selene is quite gentle. At the very least, I’ve never seen her lose her temper with you. …It occurred to me now that while Polka has an environment where mothers can share the load, Neia is struggling with a daughter in puberty. Maybe I should visit Grunge more often. Even though I visit occasionally, usually I have to play both the father and mother roles simultaneously.
“And that’s only because… you’ve never had Papa take you seriously enough to say such things, Frena.”
“Wh—!”
“Doesn’t Mama tell everyone? Papa is special… If you truly understood the meaning of that, you wouldn’t be able to remain a child…♪”
In an instant, Elenia’s childish aura vanished, replaced by an expression of chilling allure and intoxication. Frena looked bewildered by Elenia’s inexplicable transformation.
“W-what are you… I mean, Father… even he says he doesn’t know why he’s so popular…”
“Because you only see him through that lens. Because you don’t understand… You just think he’s a flighty, lecherous old man, don’t you?”
Elenia leaned close to Frena’s face and whispered.
“The real Papa is… a man who makes Mama Neia… Sister Aurora… Mama Diane… even the dragons… all of them, every single one of them, fall so deeply in love that their heads spin. You’ve never really thought about the fact that such a man actually exists right before your eyes, have you…?”
”…”
”…Hehe. Just as I thought. A little brat♪”
“T-that’s… treating a father like that… that’s weird…!”
”…The opposite of weird is normal. And Papa is not normal at all. You know that much, don’t you?”
“B-but…!”
This is bad. This is very bad, Ele. Right now, you sound exactly like Selene. You know, when she gets that dangerous vibe. No matter how much you want to, you shouldn’t try to drag your half-sister down that… dark path.
So, intending to step in with a sense of crisis, I was intercepted by a mysterious group of half-elves—Selene, Apple, and Anzelos—who had also slipped into the shadows.
“Let’s leave this to Ele-chan. Okay?♪”
“If I recall, you haven’t even laid a finger on Ele-chan yet, Andy-san. …And yet, her level of comprehension is already there.”
“She really is Selen’s daughter. …Even I wouldn’t be confident I could put that into words so well, yet she can speak so eloquently of Andy’s charm.”
“My child is truly a handful… But if we let Elenia-chan keep persuading her, she should eventually settle down.”
Everyone is impressed by Elenia’s silver tongue, though. “At this rate, isn’t the flow of the story going to force both El and Frena to do something that makes them complete failures as fathers? Won’t it feel like they’re being made to realize something they shouldn’t have to learn the hard way?” “That’s because Andy-san is a strange papa♪” “It can’t be helped, right?” “I think it’ll be fine if we just use contraception magic.” “If Frena becomes a proper little lady… I wouldn’t mind making her a female slave.” “Wait, Neia, were you really that distressed?! That is absolutely something you shouldn’t say as a parent! And as a wife, that’s pretty much out of line too!?” “It’s just… I thought the Flash Sword would at least act as a bit of a father figure, but it turned out to be completely useless… It’s nothing more than a playback device for old stories.” I… I’ll try harder to be a better father. As a father. …Why isn’t anyone stopping everyone from acting like I’m about to lay hands on my own daughter?