As I confirmed once before, I find myself in a state of being perpetually prepared for a festival. To begin with, I have obligations to many different lands. While it’s fair to say I’m no longer part of the Basson community—though I still drop by since I have many friends there—I am still tied to Polka, Grunge, Karlwin, the Elven Territory, Rennest, the Cat Colony, Tarc in the Royal Capital, and the port town of Sitar. Even if festivals in a single location happen only once or twice a year, with this many places, a simple calculation means there is something happening every single month. Well, the festivals in the Royal Capital draw such massive crowds that getting involved requires some serious resolve (it might be fine alone, but I’m terrified of something happening to the female slaves or the children if I bring them along). Besides, rather than doing something myself, I mostly just provide backup for whatever the Sylpheed Company is running; strictly speaking, I’m usually just hunkered down at the Neumann estate on the actual day, doing nothing in particular. And as long as Lyra and Anzelos are working together, there’s nothing to worry about. For the festivals in other communities, however, I have to involve myself in some capacity, either as a guest of honor or as part of the management, which makes schedule management a nightmare. Of course, since my actual professions are lewd activities and blacksmithing, my management skills are as mediocre as ever. I manage to scrape by only by leaning heavily on the “management-type” individuals like Diane-san, Christi, and Cosmos-san.
Recently, more and more of the children have become capable of helping with the festivals. “The materials for Grunge’s founding festival the month after next… won’t this be insufficient? At worst, we’ll have to have the Dragon Corps scramble to collect them again.” “It should be enough, right? Because, look, with these numbers…” “You can’t start with that. Half of it is going to be used for the Arts Festival.” “The Arts Festival… Oh, right! Last year’s! We’re doing that again this year?” “If we consider that, we need to prepare a surplus. If we have to use the dragons to collect them, Papa will have to go and butter up the crystals again.” Claudio, Hilda-san’s son, is already showing his strength in numerical management, helping with the material checks and bookkeeping entrusted to the Maid Corps. In a pinch, we can push things a little through the cooperation of the Elven Territory, the dragons, or Onyx and Sylpheed, so until now, I hadn’t been managing things very seriously. However, it goes without saying that it’s best to avoid any emergencies. “Clau probably wants to play during the festivals, too.” “I can’t enjoy myself unless I’ve cleared away all the worries first. Once I notice a discrepancy like this, I can’t help it.” Clau uses the Rune-engraved Pen to smoothly write new documents, recording the projected incoming and outgoing inventory. It isn’t actually an engraved rune, but since he’s used it after I lent it to him once, it seems to have become familiar to his hand, so I officially gave it to him as a present the other day. The material composition—a horn from a Breakcore and a tip made of solidified magic—is the same as the ones I made in my youth, but through making them several times, the design and center of gravity have become more refined, and the writing experience has improved significantly. That said, the materials are far too extravagant for simple note-taking, so I’m thinking of making him a more appropriate one using timber from the Elven Territory. If he ever finds out the true value, it wouldn’t be surprising if he were robbed. “Clau, you’re way too high-strung. You’ve gotta live more loosely. Or so Mama Hilda says.” And then there’s Peter, who has grown up to be quite boisterous and careless, boasting as he speaks. On my end, I spend my days being a bit of a troublemaker, taking advantage of the fact that my half-dwarf heritage makes me look much younger, allowing me to get away with things. Growing up withdrawn and introverted isn’t good, but being too much of a brat is also… well, he possesses the cunning to never be quite bad enough that I’d ask the female slaves in charge of combat to discipline him; in a sense, he is very much my son. I think if he had grown up entirely in Polka without ever going to the Royal Capital, I would have grown up to be just as sly a brat. Reflecting on my own youth, I realize that the harsh apprenticeship and soldier life were very much necessary for him to acquire his current social skills. “Peter, you’re way too easygoing. Maybe I should send you off on some training…” “Tr-training!? What are you suddenly talking about, Dad!?” “Well, I left Polka at age ten to train in the Royal Capital. Back then, we couldn’t use dragons, so it was a three-week journey both ways. Since I couldn’t easily go home even if I hated it, I learned things like patience and cooperation…” “Even so, a half-breed like me would be an outcast in the Capital, right!? Training is out of the question!” “That’s not true. Dwarves are a relatively respected race in blacksmithing circles, so you might actually be popular in the Capital.” “Y-you think so? Hehehe.” He is sly, but since he’s simple at heart, he immediately falls for convenient stories—I suppose that can be called “childlike and cute.” But the Capital, though… I’m not so sure about entrusting him to the Sreed Workshop again… The Master is over eighty, after all. Though he still comes for a spiritual spring bath once every six months, so he’s still quite energetic.
It feels as though the Baron’s lineage has passed to the next generation. The Baron’s juniors, who were mere children when I returned, have already become fine young men, and much of the greeting work the Baron used to do is now handled by the young lord, Daniel-kun. His daughter has married a nobleman from elsewhere, whom they met through the Royal Capital University. When I brought a celebratory gift, we ended up in a tug-of-war where he insisted, “No, such things are things the noble side should provide,” and in the end, Alina had to intervene, saying, “Now, now, let’s just say this is in the name of the White Clan,” before they finally accepted it. And since Daniel-kun is also at the age where he should be looking for a wife, they have to find him a bride, but apparently, that is proving difficult. “Whenever I am honest in marriage proposals and say, ‘There is a Dragon Palace less than two kilometers from the manor,’ it almost always falls through.” “I am so, so sorry.”
Vapor Palace is a genuine dragon palace, certified by the dragons themselves. And apparently, there is a common rule of thumb when choosing a son-in-law for nobility: “Don’t marry into a family living near a dragon palace.” Given the Fire Dragon War of a hundred years ago, it is perfectly natural to assume such a rule exists; the general consensus is that when you live near a dragon’s lair, there is no telling when you might suddenly end up roasted alive.
“I can’t exactly tell you to rest easy because it’s not a scary dragon palace…” “That might be a bit difficult, then.” ”…Yeah. Sorry, that was a big ask.” A dragon palace that isn’t scary is as much of a contradiction as a benevolent serial killer. At least, that’s the general perception.
“Because of that, I am also considering marriage to a commoner woman.” “Is that even an option?” “It’s not impossible. It used to be difficult in the past, but Polka is an autonomous region now. Polygamy is perfectly fine here, too.” “Ah, right… Since there’s no restriction that you can only have one wife, you don’t necessarily need to go through the trouble of hand-picking a woman of high status.” “Besides, the social hierarchy within Trot itself doesn’t hold much authority.”
As Daniel put it, Trot has yet to escape its status as a vassal state. Furthermore, because the autonomous region exists under extraterritoriality and is home to many people from other nations, the nobility of Trot does not necessarily hold a position of strength. In that case, as the one who would lead this autonomous region, utilizing his granted freedoms wouldn’t be considered a bad deed.
“So, that’s why I’ve come to consult you.” “Yeah.” I had been wondering why Daniel had called me over, so I had started with some small talk, like, “You’re getting to the age where you should be looking for a wife soon; if you don’t hurry, you’ll end up like Lanz.” But apparently, he had come straight to the point.
“Do you know anyone… perhaps a half-elf woman, who would be a good match?” “So you’re specifically requesting a half-elf, huh?” “Since I have some concerns about whether I can pass on my bloodline with a pure-blood, I thought having some human blood would be better…”
…It was logically sound, but it felt like an era had passed. To think that a nobleman would be seeking out a half-elf—a people who, in the past, were often rejected by everyone and treated as nothing more than outlets for a single night’s lust.
“But for half-elves, their parents often treat them like ‘illegitimate children,’ you know? Dealing with that background might be a pain when it comes to marriage negotiations.” “Those kinds of things can be handled however one wishes, if one has the will.” Daniel smirked, stroking the little mustache he had grown in an attempt to mimic a baron, despite his youth. Nobles are scary.
“To be honest, growing up here in Polka, I often find people from other human lands to be unappealing. Elves are just so beautiful.” “Well, I get that.” I, too, have been cursed with a preference for beautiful women by Apple. It is difficult to find women of that caliber in the Royal Capital or Basson. Above all, compared to the clean, healthy, and vibrant women of Polka, the sophisticated women of the Capital are often too heavy on the scent of perfume. Furthermore, for some reason, half-elven women often possess large breasts—one of the few lacking points of pure-blooded elves.
“I understand. …But why on earth did you come to me with this?” ”? My father also told me that if I wanted to talk about elves or half-elves, there would be no mistake in approaching Mr. Smytson…” “No, I mean, this is about wanting to marry her, right? I wouldn’t like the situation to feel like someone is just handing over a woman they’ve already laid hands on. …Not to toot my own horn, but I do have a reputation for taking women straight to bed once I get close to them.” “Well, that is…” ”…No, there’s no point in saying something so self-evident. Yeah.”
In that case, who was I supposed to ask to “Introduce me to a half-elf woman. Ideally, a virgin”? The pure-blooded elves, who had been marginalized, certainly didn’t have the connections, and the half-elves themselves didn’t have particularly strong social networks either. Moreover, the pool of people who could speak with authority to them was even smaller. Unless you held a certain level of power, you couldn’t even bring up marriage negotiations that could alter the course of a person’s life.
“Anyway, I’ll give it my best shot. Though I might not find someone right away. Besides, the Baron’s family has been a huge help to me.” “Thank you very much.” Being thanked so politely by Daniel made me feel a little strange. I’m just a commoner who happens to be on friendly terms with the Baron; I really should be showing more humility. A bit late for that, though.
And so. “I want to search for the next Baroness in Grunge and the Hidden Village.” “Are there any virgins in Grunge?” Seren interjected with a deadpan expression. …In distress, I shifted my gaze to Neia. While nursing her newborn second daughter, Neia gave me a troubled smile. “Any girl old enough to have sex in Grunge has either already found a lover, or she’s already been ‘claimed’ by you.” ”…N-No, it’s not like I went in with the intention of being ready to plug my junk into every single one of them, though I suppose a few have ended up that way.” “If there are more than fifteen, I feel like it’s fair to say that’s the case. Or rather, since the rumor is that if you let yourself be held by Mr. Smythe, you won’t be tossed aside, any girl without a particularly strong will ends up like that… Plus, half-elves tend to get increasingly hooked once they develop feelings.” ”…Were there really more than fifteen…?” “That’s just the number I’m aware of, so there might be others. I didn’t count the two or three who are neither white nor black.” “You really do turn every place you visit into a harem, don’t you, Andy-san?” “Ugh… uuuugh…” Did I really go through that many? Well, every time I stayed there, there were a few girls who would sneak into my room at night… Let’s see, there were two groups of three, one group of four, and then a solo… Wait. That’s quite a lot. ”…Damn it. I let myself get too carried away with sex.” “Is that really such a bad thing? It must be painful to hold it all in.” “No! I’m not some tragic monster who’ll fall ill if I don’t have sex!?” “No, if anything, I want you to be that kind of monster regarding sex. In fact, I want you to set your top priority for your downtime to ‘Who am I having sex with today?’” “I feel like there’s something fundamentally wrong with that as a human being.” “There are plenty of women who wouldn’t mind you making that ‘rebuttal.’ There’s no way you’d have time for anything else! Rather than getting into strange skirmishes, I want you buried in girls like usual and just ejaculating! Considering everything that’s happened, it’s a miracle you’re even alive!” “Don’t apply your memories of your wild youth from over ten years ago to me! I’m in my 40s now; I can’t pull off that kind of recklessness anymore!” “Lord Bonaparte and that bald man from Renfanga have been incredibly active even after becoming old men. Those who want to do it, will do it, no matter their age.” “Please don’t assume I’m the type to ‘do it’ regardless of my age.” “I have no evidence for that. I just think that if I take my eyes off you for even a moment, you’ll do it. So please, use your free time for sex. The dragons will handle most of the heavy lifting in the meantime.” “I was wondering why nothing has been happening wherever I go lately… were you the one giving those orders…?” “See? You’re always assuming something is definitely going to happen!” Well, I mean, as a mindset. Since we’re technically commanding a massive force, if something does happen, we can’t just react with “oh no, oh dear.” “Andy-san, please just have sex whenever you have free time. Go make babies. That’s what will make everyone the happiest.” “As a man, that’s a line I’d love to be told once in my life, but hearing it now… it’s complicated…” “I’ve had enough heart-stopping moments as it is! There are hundreds of girls who want children, so I really don’t have time to be sleeping!” “Come to think of it, if it weren’t for the Spirit Spring, I’d be dead from ‘death by sex’ for sure.” “It’s fine because the Spirit Spring is here! ♪” Though, with that method, even if we do find a candidate for Daniel’s bride, there’s a very high risk of an accidental discharge (in the sexual sense).
“Papa♪ I want to have a baby soon, too… We already do the ‘parent-child butt-alignment’ thing, so don’t you want to try comparing nursing styles soon?” “Ele. Are you playing outside properly? Has your vocabulary been corrupted by Kei-chan lately? Or rather, by that band of perverted maids?” “You’re the only dad, Andy, who would want to take a perverted, nympho daughter outside. Ah, I mean in a training sense? The kind of person who gets made to wear clothes even more embarrassing than being naked outdoors?”
“Hey Selen, your daughter’s brain is getting seriously scrambled by all that semen. Isn’t that a bit bad?” “She’s my daughter, after all! ♪ By the way, it’s been a while since we’ve done anything, but I’m totally okay with you doing various ‘training’ things to me, too! ♪ Like, taking her and me for a walk on leashes, both naked… ♪” “First, I think you need to work on making me a collar.” No matter how much of a nudist paradise Vapor Palace may be, this lewd mother and daughter certainly can’t stop making unhinged comments. Even Neia is a bit put off. Well, then again, she looks like the type who would go along with it if told to.
After agonizing over it for a while, a thought suddenly occurred to me. I decided to ask Naris’s daughter, Floria, “Will you marry Daniel when you grow up?” She’s a half-elf, so her brain isn’t scrambled like the others. She’s incredibly cute and has a bright personality. She’s still young, but in ten years… I thought that even calling it an engagement for now might be acceptable. I thought it was a great idea. And yet… “Eh? Aren’t we supposed to marry Papa…?” “What do you mean, ‘supposed to’…?” “All the big sisters said, ‘That’s just how our family rules are.’” “Wait, hold on. Don’t you think that’s a bit weird? Papa is married to Mama.” “When I asked Mama, she said something weird like, ‘It’s okay, but no.’” ”…I imagine there was a deathly long silence before she gave that answer.” I can almost see the look of sheer distress on Naris’s face.
When I went to see Daniel again a few days later, I found that he had entered into a whirlwind engagement with a fox beastgirl who had come for the hot springs. “She was just so cute…” Is that really all you have to say for yourself?