Having too many kids is a common problem in the countryside.
With no real entertainment around, sex with my wife is pretty much all I look forward to these days. Everyone wants plenty of workers and heirs, so I let her do as she pleases. Before you know it, you’ve got a huge family.
Especially with beastfolk—twins and triplets are the norm, so after a few pregnancies, you’re looking at a family of ten or more real quick.
Isaac’s situation is even worse; his wife is a pair of beastfolk sisters, so he already has like twenty kids and is struggling. I couldn’t exactly tell him to slow down, though.
In reality, the cat-beastfolk are having a baby boom. Including the cat colony, I’ve probably got over 200 kids on my hands. That’s more than double the original cat colony.
I asked Aileen if this was really okay, and she said something incredibly vague like, “We shouldn’t have trouble raising them. We’ve got dragons too.”
Food isn’t a problem since idle bronze and silver dragons take turns patrolling near the cat colony and help with monster hunting.
Clothes and education are flexible thanks to direct trade with the elf territory. The kids who are old enough get taught at a private Polka Academy run by Loree and the others.
Loree says the cat-beastfolk are as fickle as rumors say, but the elf and dragon instructors—who’ve got decades or even centuries of experience in their fields—are excellent. Some of the kittens even show magical talent that rivals Aileen’s. Though, well, they don’t have her lifespan, so they’ll never quite catch up.
“The fact that almost all of these are my kids… it feels weird to say, but I barely feel it.”
“Aren’t there any kids you don’t know, Papa?”
“Yeah, but still. Two hundred is a lot.”
“And this isn’t even everyone, right?”
“…Yeah, it’s not.”
Claudio and I sighed as we watched the Polka Academy auditorium from behind. Of course, kids too young to understand don’t come to school. And Claudio’s only ten, but being Hildegard’s son, his brain is way ahead—he’s already self-taught in most of the academy’s core subjects and is treated like a graduate.
Peter’s still chasing after boobs, so he’s worlds apart from him.
The academy only opens for half the year (when everyone’s free) during winter; in summer, everyone goes back to their hometowns. Not just cat-beastfolk attend—elf-descended kids, whores’ children, and even some from Polka Town and Granze come too.
But mostly, it’s my kids showing up for the opening ceremony. The cats are reliably brought by dragons, and since it started as an extension of the church’s education program, there’s a loose attitude where you don’t have to show up if you don’t want to.
But even if you take all the classes, you don’t get any medals or anything—just that.
There is a perk: free lodging and meals while you’re here. Since most of the students are my kids anyway, it just… happened that way for everyone.
Half the kids help out at the inn I took over, and half stay at the Vapor Palace—but only my kids get to stay at the palace.
The all-nude paradise is too much for the boys, so I strongly recommend the inn. Some say it’s fine for girls, but the female slaves said, “It’s mostly women anyway, so it should be okay,” so I nodded. Of course, undressing isn’t mandatory.
But cat-beastfolk are so easygoing that they strip down without hesitation.
This isn’t great if I’m going to stick to my “no lewd stuff with my daughters” policy. Maybe I should ask Baron or Kristy to set up another inn run by family…
…But expanding the inn business too much ties into the whole “What am I, anyway?” problem.
I’m a blacksmith. The owner of Smythson Arms. Business is still slow except for the crossbow guys.
“Hmm…”
“You always have such weird worries, Papa.”
“Yeah, I’m a weird dad… sorry about that.”
Since my business is so different from other dads’, I often struggle to explain things to the kids who’ve grown up. Lately, I’ve been using “I’m just a weird dad” as an excuse a lot.
It’s no wonder I have so many moms; I’m a weird dad. It’s no wonder I don’t really know what kind of work he does to earn a living; I’m a weird dad. It’s no wonder he’s made a fifteen-year-old newbie female slave his mom even though he’s already forty… well, actually, that’s pushing it.
Outwardly, the old female slaves have all been wives for ages now, but they still don’t really care about that distinction much. There’s this broad category of “female slave,” and if you have kids or contribute enough, you’re recognized as “full-fledged” and get the external title of wife.
And recently, female slaves are still increasing in number. I don’t intend to increase them, but they keep multiplying anyway.
I definitely shouldn’t be getting someone Elenia’s age pregnant, but unfortunately, it’s a bad habit of mine that I can’t stay stiff forever when dealing with eager partners, and before I knew it, I’d gotten one pregnant and we even had a baby shower. Not many of the kids probably understand why they’re okay with “it’s because he’s a weird dad,” though.
“I want to be as proud of my dad as possible… but I’m too weird to be proud of."
"Hmm… As far as I’m concerned, you’re a perfectly normal dad to be proud of."
"Claude is such a good kid…”
Sniff.
But how does a ten-year-old find any redeeming qualities in a father who spends every single day soaking in the hot springs completely naked while dozens of moms piss white water all over him? I can’t think of anything to be proud of myself.
“Everyone says that being hungrier than your grandpa is legendary, dark elf-style."
"Wait. Whoa—uh—who’s ‘everyone’?"
"Hilda-mom, Cosmos-mom, Mira-mom, Nol-mom…"
"In the dark elf culture sphere, a ten-year-old knows that much…!”
Sex education is way too early.
No, I think my sex education was way too late. When I was ten, I didn’t understand real sex and gave Apple the natural letdown play.
But what about mothers who proudly explain to their ten-year-olds, “Your dad’s a great lover,” or even tell them about their grandfathers’ sex lives?
“At least in Tark, if you say ‘Andy, the Onyx Groom,’ everyone knows who you mean.”
That sounds like the kind of name that gets whispered behind your back.
“I don’t want you bragging about that part to anyone… First, I want you to find someone’s charm one-on-one with a girl.”
I pat my son’s head while lecturing him.
Claudio has elf-like features, almost girlishly beautiful. His hair is a little longer than most boys’, so if he cross-dressed, probably not many people would catch on.
Girls like pretty things, no matter what. If this handsome boy becomes a handsome young man, he’ll be super popular and have a much more blessed youth than I did, but first, I want him to understand that it’s one-on-one.
I can’t stand the thought of my own kid trying to build a huge harem like me and getting screwed over instantly.
“Hmm…”
Claudio looked troubled after hearing that.
“So… you really thought a harem was the default, huh?”
“Um… well… more than girls, I kinda like boys…”
My son dropped a bombshell.
”…Huh?"
"Eh, ah, no, just—more than girls, I mean?"
"…O-okay.”
I’m flustered.
N-no, think about it carefully. Think about it.
Hilda is a good wife and wise mother these days, but she was always a two-edged sword. She’s got a pretty impressive repertoire when it comes to getting off with girls.
A mother with such open-minded values probably wouldn’t deny her son’s tastes either.
As for finding a boyfriend, Claudio’s cuteness shouldn’t be too hard. Besides, it’s not like he doesn’t like women—it’s just that his strike zone is a little too wide.
And here I am, turning so many different races—who should never be approached so casually—into my personal sex slaves. How can I possibly criticize Claudio’s broad spectrum of love?
“P-Perhaps… maybe Papa doesn’t think it’s completely out of the question. Yeah. It’s not really my thing, but cats go wild during a full moon and get all hot and bothered with each other…”
That’s right. Homosexuality isn’t abnormal.
It’s something that exists even in my own life. I just happened to be surrounded by more women, so it never stood out.
Okay… I’m calm now.
“…Thanks.”
Despite his flustered state, Claudio gives me an angelic smile for acknowledging his minority sexual preference.
Damn it… I kinda understand Hilda’s feelings now. Even if I had some reservations about Claudio’s tastes, I couldn’t be cruel to that smile.
“As for using the butt hole, Tete’s mom taught me plenty… and Hilda’s mom said there are quite a few people in Taluk who are into it. I’m sure you’ll find a lover someday.”
“…Tete…”
I can’t help but feel conflicted about these female slaves going overboard to accommodate Claudio.
Complaining is pointless… ugh.
Among the kids, Freya—Neya’s daughter—is the most active lately.
At first, she tried learning swordsmanship from Neya but didn’t have much talent for it. But after taking dance lessons from Norr and Lucino, she’s been improving rapidly.
Her athletic ability is pure Neya, and she flawlessly mimics the lively dark elf’s dance steps with her small frame.
Which would be fine if…
She may look like Neya, but she’s mischievous, throwing eggs at people or stealing food to harass them before vanishing into the city’s alleys. Granze and Polka are used to finding her, but she disappears in the royal capital and Taluk just as quickly, so I can’t relax.
I could use the dragons’ hearing to find her, but she learned that after being caught a few times and developed a useless genius-level talent—she created a voice-changing magic spell at the age of eleven just to run around the royal capital.
Eventually, Neya snapped and went on a full-force pursuit using her continent-class physical abilities, leaving a legend in the royal capital. But let’s leave that aside.
She’d be a good kid if it weren’t for her mischief… or maybe that’s just parental bias.
Lately, every time she leaves Granze, Emma tightens security so much that I feel like she’s overreacting.
“Putting mischief aside, she’s picked up the habit of choosing dangerous places as escape routes because of those acrobatic dance moves. Running across rooftops and along waterways with a child’s physical ability… it could end in disaster.”
“…Yeah.”
Even with Polka’s healing spring or Break Core’s regenerative therapy, some things are irreversible—namely, death.
Humans are so fragile that they can die from just falling down the stairs. Especially kids.
“We have to stop her before it’s too late.”
“But… can we even tell her to stop? Neya has probably told her a hundred times to stop because it’s dangerous.”
“Maybe give her a light scare, like… a minor injury?”
“…If it could be kept light, that’d be good.”
“…We already made Neya seriously angry once, so it has to be worse than that… and keeping it ‘light’ is going to be difficult.”
Neya getting angry is a big deal. Worse than that…?
“Hmm… maybe she’s not scared of Neyah because she’s always around her. Then, what about someone else… like, seriously dangerous, like Lila? Getting scolded by them…”
“Do you think a child who regularly pesters dragons can truly comprehend the terror that is Lady Lila?”
“…Right. In the end, they probably just assume the dragon will hold back. So, how about Tethys, or Cosmos-sama, or some other kind of dangerous person…”
“That’s still just the fear of the adult world…”
“Hmm…”
How to effectively scold a child who’s become too accustomed to dealing with incredibly powerful beings? That’s quite the challenge.
What to do…
The solution came from an unexpected source: Elenia. “You should just stop harassing Freya, that’s all.” “Well, yeah… sort of.”
“That’s something adults can’t fix no matter how hard they try.” Elenia said so and took it upon herself. A few days later, Freya came to Polka and was caught brazenly trying to do something to the Baron in the middle of town. “How long are you going to keep doing such pathetic stuff? You’re eleven years old, aren’t you acting like a kid?”
She looked down at Freya with her full, cold glare. “W-What’s that supposed to mean? You’re not even…”
“Even after learning ladylike dances from Norra-Mama, you’re still stuck playing boyish games like some backwoods hick. Hmph.” …A strategy of poking at each other’s pride as children. Now that she mentions it, I was lumping “adults” together. At least back then. When looking at someone as a target for teasing, it doesn’t matter how great or powerful they are. Is it necessary to scold from within the line, not as a “target,” but as a child? …As expected, Freya easily fell for Elenia’s provocation. Perhaps because they were relatively close in age and half-sisters, they were always aware of each other. “Polka is even more rural than Grandje! You’re just acting like an adult, but you’re just daddy’s girl! That makes you more of a kid!”
…Hey. I’m being told, Elen. Looking at your recent behavior, there’s no way to argue with that. But Elenia was unfazed. “Only a child would say something like that.” “…Grrr… just because you’re one or two years older doesn’t mean anything.” “I wish you’d stop getting so caught up in the same childish pranks, boys and girls alike. I wonder how long this will last. Is your mother spoiling you?” “M-My mom’s strict!”
Don’t bring up their mothers so much. Seren is pretty lenient. I’ve never seen her get mad at you. …Compared to Polka’s environment where the mothers can share the burden, Neya is struggling with her adolescent daughter, I realize now. Maybe I should visit Grandje more often. Even when I occasionally visit, I have to play both father and mother roles simultaneously. “Besides… you’re saying that because you haven’t gotten enough attention from Papa.” “What…?”
“Mom says it all the time, doesn’t she? ‘Dad’s special…’ If you really understood what that meant, you wouldn’t be able to stay a kid anymore…” ♪
Elenia’s expression instantly shifted, her face taking on a chilling allure and intoxicating charm as if sensing the presence of children.
Frena looked bewildered at Elenia’s inexplicable behavior.
”W-What are you talking about…? Dad’s just… he doesn’t even know why he’s so popular himself…"
"Because that’s the only kind of dad you see. Because you don’t understand. You probably think he’s just some lecherous, good-for-nothing old man, right?”
Elenia leaned in close to Frena and whispered.
”But the real Dad… he’s the kind of guy who makes Neia Mom, Aurora Sis, Diane Mom, even the dragons—everyone—fall head over heels for him. The kind of guy who makes even the strongest women want kids. You’ve never really thought about how weird it is that someone like that exists so close to you, have you…?”
”……"
"…Hehe. Still an o-ko-sa-ma, though.” ♪
“T-That’s not how you talk about your father… that’s weird!"
"…Weird’s the opposite of normal. And Dad’s nothing like normal. You know that, right?"
"B-B-but—”
No. No, Elen.
You’re looking way too much like Seren right now. That dangerous vibe.
There’s no way you should be dragging your stepsister down that path.
Just as I was about to intervene with a sense of urgency, the mysterious half-elf group—Seren, Apple, Anzalos, and Neia—who’d also taken cover nearby stopped me.
“Let’s leave this to Elenie. Okay?” ♪
“And you haven’t laid a hand on her yet, Andy, right? …Yet she understands him that well."
"You really are your mother’s daughter, aren’t you? …Even I wouldn’t be able to put it into words so well, but you managed to describe Andy’s charm like that."
"My child is truly causing trouble… If we let Elenia talk some sense into her, she might calm down a little.”
Everyone was impressed by Elenia’s serpentine eloquence.
”But if this keeps up, won’t it just lead to Elen and Frena making Dad look like a total failure? Won’t it turn into that kind of situation where they make him realize something he shouldn’t?"
"Because Andy’s a weird dad.” ♪
“What can you do?"
"If we cast contraception magic, there shouldn’t be any problems."
"If Frena becomes a proper girl… I’d even consider making her my female slave."
"Wait, Neia! You were that serious?! That’s something a parent should never say! It’s also pretty much out of bounds as a wife!?"
"But the Flashblade was supposed to be like a father figure, and it turned out to be completely useless… just a machine that plays old stories.”
I need to try harder as a father. As a father.
…Why won’t anyone stop me from messing with my daughter?