As I’ve confirmed before, I’m pretty much in a constant state of festival prep year-round.
The main reason is that I have so many obligations to different territories.
Basson is probably irrelevant now (though I still visit because I have friends there, it’s just not my community anymore). Then there’s Polka, Grunge, the Elven Territory, Rennest, the Cat Colony, the Royal Capital, Tark, and the port town of Citarl.
Even if each place only has a festival once or twice a year, that still means I’m guaranteed something every month, just by simple math.
Well, the Royal Capital’s festivals are too crowded to comfortably mingle (it’s one thing if I go alone, but taking my female slaves and kids along feels risky), and more than anything, I just back up the Sylphid Trading Company’s efforts there. Strictly speaking, I’m usually holed up in the Neumann estate on those days, doing pretty much nothing. If Lila and Anzelos are in charge, there’s nothing to worry about.
For the other communities’ festivals, I have to be involved somehow as a guest of honor or organizer, which makes scheduling a nightmare. Of course, my real job is erotic stuff and blacksmithing, so my organizational skills are still terrible. I rely heavily on managerial types like Diarne, Kristy, and Cosmos-san to pull things together.
Lately, some of the kids have started helping out with the festivals too.
“Are these materials enough for the founding festival in Grunge next month? If not, we’ll have to scramble and get the dragon squad to gather more on short notice.”
“It’s enough, right? Look at these numbers…”
“You can’t touch that pile! Half of it’s going to the art festival.”
“The art festival… Oh, oh! They’re doing it again this year?”
“Then we need to have some extra prepared. If we have to rely on the dragons, Papa’ll have to go schmoozing with Crystal again.”
Hilda-san’s son, Claudio, has shown a knack for number management early on and helps the maid squad check material quantities and keep the ledgers.
If push comes to shove, we can always lean on the Elven Territory, the dragons, Onyx, or Sylphid for some favors, so I haven’t been too strict with inventory in the past. But of course, it’s best to avoid any last-minute scrambles.
“Claudio wants to play during festivals.”
“I only enjoy myself when I’m not worried. Once we realize we’re at odds like this, it’s hard not to feel that way.”
Claudio scribbles on a new sheet with his rune-engraved pen, recording the projected inventory changes.
It’s not actually engraved, but he really took to the pen after I lent it to him before, so I officially gave it to him recently. The material composition—the Breakcore horn and magic-frozen alloy nib—is the same as what I made when I was younger, but after making a few, the design and weight distribution have improved, making it much easier to write with.
Still, the materials are a bit overkill for just writing, so I’m thinking of making him something more practical out of wood from the Elven Territory. Once he knows how valuable it is, he’ll be robbed blind.
“Claudio’s too sensitive. You gotta live a little more freely, or you’ll wear yourself out. Hilda-mama said that too.”
And Peter, who’s grown up so boisterous and carefree, grins smugly.
He gets away with all sorts of mischief because he still looks young for his age as a half-dwarf, and people let him slide.
It’s not good to grow up withdrawn, but… he’s not exactly a bad kid either. He’s clever enough to avoid doing anything that would warrant a beating from the female slaves in charge of discipline, which makes him, in a way, a really great son of mine.
If I hadn’t left Polka and grown up in the Royal Capital, I probably would’ve turned out just as mischievous.
Those tough apprenticeships and military service were definitely necessary for developing my social skills, I remember now.
“Peter’s too easygoing. Maybe I should send him off to train somewhere…”
“T-Training!? What are you suddenly talking about, Dad!”
“I left Polka at ten to train in the Royal Capital. Back then, we couldn’t use dragons, so it took three weeks each way. I couldn’t just turn back when things got tough, so I learned patience and cooperation…”
“But half-dwarves like me get shunned in the Royal Capital! There’s no training for me!”
“That’s not true. Dwarves are pretty respected in blacksmithing circles, so you might be popular there.”
“R-really? Heh heh.”
He’s cunning but simple at heart, so he falls for convenient offers easily. You could say that’s childlike and cute.
But the Royal Capital… I don’t know about sending him back to the Three Rod Workshop… The master’s over 80 now. He still comes to bathe in the healing spring every six months, though, so he’s still got it in him.
The baronial family feels like it’s already passed on to the next generation.
The Baron Juniors, who were just kids when I came back, are now respectable young men, and Prince Daniel often handles the greetings that the Baron used to do.
“My daughter and my son-in-law each married nobles they met through the Royal Capital University. When I brought them celebratory gifts, they argued with me, saying, ‘No, that’s something the noble family should provide.’ It took Irene stepping in and saying, ‘Well, well, well, under the name of our White Clan,’ before they finally accepted them.”
“So, Daniel is also at an age where he needs to find a wife, but apparently it’s proving difficult. Apparently, if you’re honest about the fact that there’s a Dragon Palace less than two kilometers from the mansion in your marriage proposals, they usually fall through.”
“Sorry, sorry.”
The Vapor Palace is a genuine, dragon-certified Dragon Palace. And apparently, one of the criteria for noble grooms is, “Don’t marry into a house near a Dragon Palace.”
Well, considering the Hundred-Year Fire Drake War, that’s understandable, I guess. The general consensus is that you never know when you’ll get roasted alive if a dragon’s lair is nearby.
“I can’t exactly say, ‘Don’t worry, it’s not a scary Dragon Palace…’”
“That might be a bit difficult.”
”…Yeah. I asked for too much.”
A “not scary” Dragon Palace is about as contradictory as a benevolent murderer. Generally speaking.
“So, we’re also considering marriage to a commoner woman.”
“Is that an option?”
“It’s not off the table. It used to be difficult, but Prolka is now an autonomous region. Polygamy is perfectly fine here.”
“Oh, right… since there’s no restriction on having only one wife, there’s no need to force myself into choosing a woman of high status.”
“Besides, the internal hierarchy of the Trott nobility doesn’t hold much authority anyway.”
As Daniel said, Trott still hasn’t fully shed its vassal state status. On top of that, autonomous regions have extraterritoriality, and many foreigners live there, so a Trott noble isn’t necessarily strong in terms of social standing.
“So, I wanted to ask for your advice.”
“Sure.”
I was wondering why Daniel had summoned me, so I started with small talk: “You’re at an age where you should be thinking about getting married soon, or you’ll end up like Lantz…” But it seems we got straight to the point.
“Do you know any half-elf women who are… well, suitable?”
“He specified a half-elf.”
“I’m slightly uneasy about whether I can pass on my bloodline with a pure-blooded woman, so having human blood is preferable…”
…It makes sense in theory, but it feels like a whole different world. A noble wanting a half-elf… they were usually treated as nothing more than outlets for a night’s desire, never accepted by anyone.
“But half-elves are often treated as ‘illegitimate children’ even by their own parents, right? Wouldn’t that be a pain to deal with during marriage?”
“That kind of thing can be handled if you’re willing.”
Daniel stroked the goatee he’d grown in imitation of his father, the baron, and grinned.
Nobles are scary.
“Honestly, after growing up here in Prolka, I don’t find humans from other lands very attractive. Elves are just too beautiful.”
“I get it.”
I’ve been cursed with a face-blindness hex by Apple, after all.
Finding a woman of that caliber in the royal capital or Basson is difficult. More than that, compared to the clean, healthy beauties of Polka, the women in the royal capital are too made-up and cloying.
Besides, half-elves tend to have big boobs, which is one of the few shortcomings of full elves.
“Alright… but why did you come to me with this?”
”? My father told me that if it’s about elves or half-elves, Smayson-san is the person to talk to…”
“Yeah, but we’re talking about a wife here, right? I don’t want it to turn into some situation where I’m just being handed a woman like some kind of dowry. …Not that I’m bragging, but I have this image of myself as someone who can’t keep his hands off women and ends up dragging them to bed.”
“Well…”
”…Yeah, that came out wrong. Never mind.”
So who the hell do you ask for “a half-elf girl introduction? Preferably a virgin”?
The pure-blooded elves he’s kept at arm’s length, of course, and the half-elves themselves don’t exactly have strong connections with each other.
Plus, the people who could actually tell them what to do are even fewer. Unless you’re in a position of power, you can’t just bring up a marriage proposal that’ll change someone’s life.
“I’ll try my best. Might not find anyone right away, though. I’ve been helped out by the baronial family a lot, after all.”
“Thank you very much.”
Daniel-kun thanking me so politely makes me feel weird.
I’m just a commoner who happens to be on friendly terms with the Baron, so I should probably be more humble. Though it’s a bit late for that now.
So…
“I want to find the next baroness in Granje or the Hidden Village.”
“Are there any virgins in Granje?”
Seren deadpanned the question at me.
…I glanced at Neia, looking troubled.
Neia, feeding her newborn second daughter, chuckled with a troubled expression, just like Seren.
“The girls who are old enough to be that way have either made boyfriends in Granje or they’re already under your thumb, right?”
”…N-no, I wasn’t planning on shoving it in everyone’s face, and sure, some of them have ended up that way…”
“If there are over fifteen, I think you can say that. Or rather, the girls know if Smayson-san takes them, they won’t get passed around, so unless they have a really strong will, they end up that way… Plus, half-elves tend to get more and more hooked once they start getting attached.”
”…There were fifteen or more…”
“That’s just the number I’m aware of. There might be others. I haven’t counted the two or three who are neither black nor white.”
“Andy-san always builds a harem wherever he goes, doesn’t he?”
“U-ugh…”
Did I really get that many…? Well, there were a few who’d try to sneak into my room every time I stayed over… Let’s see, two groups of three, one group of four, and then some singles… Huh? That’s quite a lot.
”…Crap. I ended up sleeping around too much.”
“Why not? It must be hard keeping it all in.”
“No, I’m not some pathetic monster who needs to have sex or they’ll get sick!”
“Actually, I want you to be that kind of monster when it comes to sex. Or rather, I want you to make ‘who to sleep with today’ your top priority when you’re bored.”
“That feels wrong on a human level.”
“There are plenty of women you can hit on, so there’s no time for anything else. I want you to keep burying yourself in girls and ejaculating like always! Considering what you’ve been through, you shouldn’t even be alive!”
“Don’t keep applying those reckless memories from over ten years ago to me! I can’t do that kind of stuff anymore at 40!”
“Bonaparte and that baldy from Renfangas, they were both kicking butt like it was nothing even after they turned old. If you want to do something, you can do it at any age."
"Don’t think of me as someone who’s acting beyond my years."
"There’s no basis for that. I just think if you take your eyes off them for a second, they’ll do something. So please, busy yourself with… intimate activities during your free time. The dragons will handle most of the rough stuff in the meantime."
"I’ve been thinking lately that nothing’s happening no matter where I go… and then I see you giving orders like that?"
"See? You’re definitely expecting something to happen!"
"Well, it’s just a precaution. I mean, we’re moving major forces around here, so if something does happen, I can’t exactly say ‘Oops!’"
"Andy, please, busy yourself with… intimate activities whenever you have free time. Please, make babies. That’s what’ll make everyone happiest."
"It’s the line every guy wants to hear at least once in his life, but actually hearing it is complicated…"
"I’ve had my share of heart-stopping moments! There are hundreds of girls who want kids, so I’m honestly never really free!"
"Speaking of which… without the Spirit Spring, I’d be staring down a belly death any day now."
"But we have the Spirit Spring, so it’s all good!”
Besides, with that method, there’s a very high risk of misfiring (sexually) even if Daniel finds a bride.
”Pa! I kinda want kids too… We’ve lined up parent-child butts plenty of times, so how about we try a parent-child breastfeeding taste test soon?"
"Ele. Are you making sure she plays outside properly? Has her vocabulary been corrupted by Kei-chan lately? Or rather, that perverted maid group."
"Only Andy would want to let this perverted slut out in public. Oh—wait, do you mean in a training sense? Like forcing her to wear something more embarrassing than naked?"
"Hey, Serena, your daughter’s got way too much semen running through her brain. That’s not good."
"She’s mine! By the way, I haven’t had any recently, but I’m totally okay with you doing stuff to me in a training sense too! Like a full-naked collar walk with Ele-chan…"
"I think we’d need to make you a collar first.”
No matter how much of a naked paradise Vapor Palace is, these perverted mother-daughter are just spouting crazy stuff.
Naias is even starting to recoil. Well, if told to do it, she’d probably do it, though.
After some deliberation, I suddenly asked Nalis’s daughter, Flora, “Would you marry Daniel when you grow up?”
She’s a half-elf, and her head isn’t Vaporized yet. She’s super cute and has a bright personality. She’s still young, but in ten years… for now, an engagement would be fine.
That’s a great idea, right?
But then…
”Huh? Don’t you marry Dad here?"
"What do you mean ‘here’?"
"All the older sisters said, ‘It’s a rule here.’"
"Wait, seriously? Isn’t that weird? Dad’s married to Mom."
"When I asked Mom, she said, ‘Okay, but no,’ in a strange way."
"…I think there was a deathly long pause before that answer.”
Nalis’s face is visibly twisting with worry.
A few days later, when I went to see Daniel again, he’d suddenly announced an electric engagement with the fox beast girl who’d been coming for hot spring treatments from Celesta.
”She was cute…”
Is that good enough for you?