Having too many children is a common problem in the countryside.
With nothing resembling entertainment around, sex with your wife becomes the sole joy of daily life. Since everyone else sees more workers and heirs as beneficial than not, they encourage you to keep trying as much as you like.
And so, before you know it, you end up with a large extended family.

Especially for beastkin, twins and triplets are normal, so after giving birth several times, your family can easily swell to dozens.
Isaac’s wife is a pair of beastkin sisters, and his children quickly numbered around twenty—it's quite a burden, they say. Well, I could have told him to hold back, but that wasn't really my place to say.

In fact, the cat-beastkin group has become a baby boom. Including those in the Cat Colony, I probably have over two hundred kids of my own—more than doubling from the original colony.
I asked Aelina if this was truly safe, and she gave me a rather blunt reply: "There won't be any trouble raising them. We've got dragons too."

As for food, bored-out Blue Dragons and Silver Dragons take turns stationed near the Cat Colony, helping with monster hunting, so that's not an issue.
Clothing and education are handled through direct trade agreements with the Elven territories, making everything manageable. Once children reach an age where they can understand things, they're welcomed into our private Polka Academy, taught by Lorrie and others as instructors.

Lorrie admits that cat-beastkin are fickle and demanding, but the teaching staff—elves and dragons with decades to centuries of experience in each field—are exceptionally talented. Some of the little ones have even shown magical aptitude comparable to Aelina's.
Of course, since they don't share her lifespan, they'll never quite reach her level in the end.

"This whole situation where almost everyone here is my child... it's a weird way to put it, but I feel disconnected from it."

"It means every single one of them knows you're their dad, right?"

"Yeah, but there are two hundred of them..."

"And besides, that's not all of them, is it?"

"...Yeah, actually, it isn't."

Sighing while standing behind the main hall of Polka Academy with Claudio.
Of course, children who haven't reached an age of reason aren't allowed in school yet. And although Claudio is only ten, thanks to his mother Hilda's genes, he's exceptionally bright—he's already mastered most core subjects on his own and's treated like a graduate.
What a contrast to Peter, who still spends all his time chasing after breasts.

By the way, the academy operates only during the six winter months when everyone has free time; during summer, students return to their hometowns. Besides cat-beastkin, there are children from elf-like families and even some born to courtesans, plus enrollees from Polka Town and Granchi.
But honestly, most of the ones showing up for the opening ceremony are my kids.

Especially the cats—they reliably gather because dragons transport them here. Since this started as an extension of the church temple's education program, they've inherited a laid-back attitude: even if you skip the opening or closing ceremonies, it's perfectly fine.
But attending all sessions doesn't earn you any medals or special recognition, does it?

There is one benefit though—while enrolled at the academy, lodging and meals are free. Since most of the students are my children anyway, the same arrangement naturally extended to external enrollees too.
Half of their accommodation involves helping out at an inn we operate, while the other half stays at Vaper Palace—which is strictly for my kids only.

For the boys, staying completely naked in paradise might be too stimulating, so I strongly recommend them stick to regular lodging. Some argue girls should be okay too, but since the female slaves said, "It's mostly women anyway, so it should be fine," I just nodded along. Of course, undressing isn't mandatory.
But cat-beastkin are so naturally laid-back that they end up completely naked without any hesitation.

Looking ahead, maintaining a policy of never doing anything inappropriate with my daughters seems very difficult in this situation. Should I try to negotiate with the Baron or Kristie to set up another inn run by family members?
...But expanding our inn business too much might complicate the question of "who exactly am I?"

I'm just a blacksmith—the owner of Smisson's Arms Shop. And despite that, crossbow teams are still the only ones bringing in work for us.

"Hmm..."

"I've always thought you have weird problems, Dad."

"Well, it's because I'm such a weird dad... sorry about that."

Since my parenting style differs so drastically from other fathers, explaining things to my growing children has become increasingly difficult. Recently, I've been relying on the excuse: "Well, I'm just a weird dad."
Because I'm a weird dad, having too many moms is unavoidable. Because I'm a weird dad, it's hard for anyone to understand how I make money.
And because I'm a weird dad, making a forty-year-old man sleep with a fifteen-year-old newbie female slave as his 'mom'... well, no, that part is really painful.

Outwardly, the older female slaves are now considered wives rather than slaves, though they still don't seem to care much about the distinction. Broadly speaking, anyone in the female slave status who gives birth or makes significant contributions earns the title of 'wife' externally.
Recently, more female slaves have been added—not intentionally, but somehow they keep increasing.

I really shouldn't be getting any new pregnant daughters at Aelina's age... Unfortunately, I can't hold firm against enthusiastic candidates forever—that's a bad habit—and ended up conceiving again, complete with a celebration party. Not many of my children seem to accept this with the phrase "Well, it's just because I'm such a weird dad."

"I want to be as boastful of a father as possible... but I'm so strange there's nothing to boast about."

"Hmm. To me, you're just an ordinary proud dad."

"Claudio is such a good kid..."

My heart softened slightly.

But how can a ten-year-old find anything admirable in a father who spends every single day soaking in the hot springs completely naked while dozens of 'moms' urinate white streams down his legs? Even thinking about it myself, I can't come up with any points to be proud of.

"Everyone says you're legendary among Dark Elves for having stronger sexual desires than grandfathers."

"Wait. No, um... first of all, who's 'everyone'?"

"Moms like Hilda, Cosmos, Mira, Noelle..."

"In Dark Elf culture, telling a ten-year-old something like that...!"

Sex education is way too early.

Actually, I think my past self was way too slow. At ten years old, I didn't understand real sex and ended up playing 'natural hand-holding' with Apple instead.
But how can mothers openly tell their ten-year-olds, "Your dad is really good at sex," explaining the exact meaning? And teaching them about your grandfather's sexual history too?

"At least in Tark, if you say 'Andy, the son-in-law of Onyx,' everyone knows who you're talking about."
Well, that probably means people will point behind your back.

"I don't mind the circumstances that led to this situation, but I wouldn't want you to brag about these things... First and foremost, I'd like you to find charm with just one person at a time."

Gently patting Claudio's head as I advised him.
Claudio, true to his elven heritage, has delicate features almost indistinguishable from a girl's. His hair is slightly longer than the average boy's, so if he dressed as a woman, few would spot him immediately.

Girls tend to like beautiful things regardless. If such a handsome boy grows into a handsome young man, he'll surely become extremely popular and enjoy a far more privileged youth than I did. But first and foremost, I want him to truly understand the importance of one-on-one relationships.
The thought of my own child getting crushed by trying to create a harem like mine immediately is just too much for me to bear.

"Hmm..."
Claudio looked troubled after hearing that.
You really thought having a harem was basic, huh...?

"Actually, I prefer boys more than girls..."

My son let out a shocking whisper.

"...Eh?"

"Eh, uh, no, I meant somewhat more boys, you know?"

"...Oh, right."

The father flustered.
N-no, think carefully. Think about it properly.

Hilda is now the perfect wife and mother, but she's originally a dual-wielder. She has plenty of repertoire when it comes to mixing with girls too.
Such an open-minded mother wouldn't deny her son's preferences in any way.
Given how adorable Claudio is, finding a boyfriend shouldn't be difficult for him anyway. Plus, he said "somewhat"—he's not uninterested in women at all; his strike zone is just overly broad.

Since I've enslaved so many different races as female slaves, who am I to criticize Claudio's wide range of love?

"P-papa doesn't... uh, I don't think you'd do that kind of thing either. Yeah. Our directions are different, but cats go wild during the full moon and end up doing weird things with each other..."

That's right. Homosexuality isn't abnormal at all.
I've seen it around me too. It just happened to be mostly female examples in my vicinity, so I didn't notice much.

OK. Calm down.

"...Thanks."

Even while flustered, Claudio smiled at me like an angel for acknowledging my minority sexual preference.

"Ugh... I can just a little bit feel what Hilda's feeling. Even if Claudie has some preferences that might make you uncomfortable, you wouldn't say anything cruel to this smile of hers, would you?"

"When it comes to using the hole in her ass, Tettesama taught me plenty about it... and Hildamama said quite a few people in Tark are into it. I'm sure she'll get a boyfriend pretty soon."

"...Tettes..."

A complex mixture of emotions arises in the female slaves who have unnecessarily over-prepared the environment for Claudie.
Complaining would be awkward, but... ugh.

Among the children lately, the most active one is Frena, Naiya's daughter.
At first, she tried to learn swordsmanship from Naiya but lacked talent. However, after learning dance from Noelle-san and Lukino-san, she began improving rapidly.
Her athletic ability is truly inherited from her mother Naiya; she flawlessly traces the lively dark elf dance steps with her small body.
That's good, but...

While she looks like Naiya in appearance, she has grown into a troublesome child who loves pranks: throwing eggs at people, stealing food, and then quickly disappearing into the alleys of the town.
Grancy and Polka would be used to this, so there's still a chance to find her, but even in the capital or Tark, she vanishes in an instant, making it impossible to let one's guard down.
If we searched using the dragons' hearing, we'd find her immediately, but unfortunately, after being found out several times this way, she learned from the experience and, at just eleven years old, independently developed a magic spell to change her voice. She wasted no time running around the capital to display her pointless genius.
In the end, Naiya finally snapped, pursuing her with full seriousness using that continent's top-tier physical abilities, leaving a legend in the capital... but let's put that aside for now.

If only she didn't have that prankish habit, she'd be a good child... or is that just parental bias?
Lately, every time Frena leaves Grancy, Emma has become extremely vigilant. Even if you say "it doesn't need to be this extreme," one can't help but feel that way.

"Regardless of pranks, the dangerous places she chooses for escape routes are due to her clumsily learning acrobatic dances. Running around rooftops and water channels with a child's physical abilities... it could lead to irreversible consequences."

"...Yeah."

What's irreversible even after healing with Polka's spirit spring or Breakcore's regenerative treatment? Simply put: death. Humans can die just from falling down stairs if they land badly; children are even more vulnerable.

"We have to make her stop as soon as possible somehow."

"But, you know... how can I make her stop by telling her? 'Don't do it because it's dangerous,' is something Mother Naiya has said countless times already."

"For example, making her actually feel some light pain..."

"...If it can be kept light, that would be fine."

"...Since we've already made Naiya-san really angry once, doing something even worse than that won't have any effect... It's hard to keep it 'light.'"

Naiya getting angry means something very serious happened, you know. Even more so...

"Hmm... Maybe because Naiya is always around, she doesn't feel scary at all. So maybe someone else... like giving her a scolding from someone truly dangerous, like Laila..."

"Would a child who constantly provokes dragons understand the terror of Lady Laila?"

"...I see. So in the end, you think dragons will hold back? Then maybe give it to Tettes or Cosmos-san or Lady... someone else with a different kind of danger."

"That's still just the fear of the adult world..."

"Hmm..."

Finding an effective way to scold a child who's too used to scary people is quite difficult.
What should we do?

It turned out to be an unexpected, well, something like that—Elenia herself who solved this.

"Just stop making those annoying pranks towards Frena, right?"

"Well, yeah..."

"Things like that won't work even if adults try desperately."

Elenia said that and took on the task.

A few days later, when Frena came to Polka, she was caught boldly trying to trick a baron in the middle of the town.

"How long are you going to keep doing such boring things? You're eleven years old already; aren't you too childish?"

She looked down at Frena with cold eyes, giving her her full attention.

"U... w-what do you want, you're still..."

"You learned proper feminine dances from Mother Noelle, yet this country bumpkin can only do boyish games. Hah."

...So the strategy was to tease each other's pride between children?
Thinking about it now, I feel like around that age, we used to view "adults" as a monolithic group. At least back then.
When viewed as objects of teasing, no matter how great or impressive someone is, there's little difference.

But she's not one of those "objects." She's on the other side of the line; if we don't admonish her from the child's perspective, it won't work.
...As expected, Frena easily fell for Elenia's provocation.
Perhaps partly because they were half-sisters of relatively similar ages and always aware of each other.
"Polka is even more rural than Grancy! Even though you act like an adult, you're just a simple dad-dog yourself! You're even more childish!"

...Hey. She's talking to you, Elenia. Looking at your recent behavior, there's absolutely no counterargument you can make.

But I thought that, Elenia seemed completely unfazed.

"Kids' brains only go up to that level anyway."

"...Ugh, it makes me angry... just because you're a year or two older!"

"I wish both boys and girls would stop getting lost in these silly pranks by the time they're six or seven. Seriously, how long are you going to keep doing this? Are you being spoiled by your mother?"

"M-my mom is strict!"

Don't make mothers too much of a joke. Selen is quite spoiled herself. At least I've never seen her get angry. You definitely haven't either.
...Thinking about it now, while Polka's environment allows mothers to share responsibilities, Naiya seems to be struggling with her teenage daughter. Maybe she should visit Grancy more frequently?
Even though I sometimes come by, usually I have to play both father and mother roles simultaneously.

"Besides... since Papa doesn't really pay attention to me properly, that's why I can say these things, Frena."

"Wa..."

"Everyone's saying it, right? Papa is special... If you truly understand the meaning of that, you won't be able to act like a child anymore...♪"

Elenia instantly shifted her expression from the usual childish aura to something chillingly alluring and intoxicated, as if sensing the other children nearby.

Frena looked confused at Elenia's unreadable demeanor.

"W-what are you... talking about? But, Dad... I don't even know why he's so popular..."

"That's because she only sees that kind of Papa. Because she doesn't understand... she probably thinks he's just a carefree pervert."

Elenia leaned in close to Frena and whispered.

"The real Papa... makes Mother Naiya, Aurora-sis, Mother Diane, even the dragons... everyone falls head over heels for him. He's a man who can make even the strongest women want children. Haven't you ever really thought about what it means that such a man actually exists nearby...?"

"...h..."

"...Hah hah. After all, he's an o-ko-sa-ma♪"

"T-thinking of father like that... t-that's weird...!"

"...The opposite of 'weird' is 'normal.' Papa isn't normal at all. You know that, right?"

"But..."

No good. No good, Elenia.
You're acting very much like Selen now. Like when the atmosphere gets dangerous.
Even so, don't try to drag your half-sister down that twisted path.

Feeling a sense of crisis, I tried to step in and stop her, but we were intercepted by another mysterious group of half-elves: Selen, Apple, and Anzolos, who had also hidden behind the same wall.

"Let Elenia handle this here, okay? ♪"

"Andy-san, you haven't touched Elenia-chan yet, right?... So how can you have such an understanding level."

"Selen's daughter is truly impressive... I don't even have confidence in my own ability to articulate Andy's charm properly, yet she can speak of it so thoroughly."

"Our child really causes trouble... If Elenia-chan persuades her as she is now, she should calm down a bit."

Everyone's mesmerized by Elenia's snake-like tongue.

"If this keeps up, we're gonna end up making both Elenia and Flenna look like absolute father-failures, right? Isn't that the kind of mistake we should've made them feel the full weight of?"

"Andy's just a weird dad anyway♪"

"Well, there's nothing we can do about it."

"I think if we cast contraception magic, we'll be fine."

"If Flenna turns out to be properly girly... then maybe we could even treat her like a female slave."

"No, Neia! You're really dwelling on this?! That's something you absolutely shouldn't say as a parent!! And it's way over the line even as a husband!?"

"Because I thought Flashlight Sword would step in and act as a father figure for a bit... but it totally didn't work. It's nothing more than a story-telling machine."

I, I really need to try harder as a father. As a father.

...Why won't everyone stop touching my daughter like that?

Having too many kids is a common problem in the countryside.
Since there's nothing to do for fun, sex with my wife is the only daily pleasure. The surroundings are better off with more workers and potential heirs, so I'm allowed to try as hard as I want.
That's why big families form quickly.
Especially among Beastmen, twins or triplets are common, so after having several kids, a family can easily end up with ten members.
Since Isaac has two beastman sisters for wives, his family is already around twenty kids and he's struggling. But it's not like I could tell him to stop.
In reality, the cat Beastmen have been experiencing a baby boom.
Including the cat colony, my children alone are over 200. It's more than double from the original cat colony.
I asked Aelina if that was really okay and she replied casually, "There's no need to worry about not being able to raise them all since we have dragons."
As for food, the idle Blue Dragons and Silver Dragons take turns staying near the cat colony, helping with monster hunts so there's no problem.
For clothing and education, direct trade with the Elf territory makes things flexible. Once children reach an age where they can understand things, Laurel and others teach them at a private Polka Academy I set up for them.

According to Laure, the catkin rumors are true—they’re fickle and troublesome. But the teachers, elves and dragons with decades or even centuries of experience in various fields, are excellent instructors. Some kittens have shown magical aptitude rivaling that of Irina.

Well, I suppose they’ll never catch up to her since their lifespans aren’t as long.

“Seeing all these kids who are almost all mine… it’s a strange way to put it, but it doesn’t feel real.”

“There’s no kid you don’t know though, right?”

“That’s true. But there are 200 of them…”

“And this isn’t even all of them, is it?”

“...That’s right.”

Claudio and I sighed as we looked back at the lecture hall from Polka Academy.

Of course, children too young to understand anything don’t come to school. And while Claudio was only ten years old, he was Hildegard’s son after all—his intelligence was exceptional. He had already self-studied the main subjects and was treated like a graduate student.

Unlike Peter who still chased breasts around, Claudio was quite impressive.

By the way, the academy is only open during winter for half a year when everyone's free. During summer, they all go back to their hometowns. Not just cats but also kids from elf families and those born to prostitutes attend here, as well as students from Porca Town and Grangi. But usually, it’s only my kids who show up at the opening ceremony.
Especially since dragons bring the cat kids over, making sure they all turn up, and because this started off as an extension of the church's educational program, we maintain a lax attitude towards attendance at opening and closing ceremonies.
But there’s no medal or anything you get for completing everything. I guess that’s how it is.
There are some benefits though; while studying here, accommodation and meals are free. Since most of my kids attend anyway, external students end up getting the same deal.
Half of them stay in our inn to help out, and half stay at Vape Palace. Of course, only my kids can stay at the palace.
I strongly recommend boys to stay at the inn since full nudity is too much stimulation for them. Some people ask why girls are okay with it, but slave-girls say "there’s almost all girls anyway so it's fine" and I just nod along. Naturally, undressing isn’t mandatory.
But catkin kids tend not to hesitate about going naked because of their nature.
I think this situation is bad for maintaining the policy of “not doing anything sexual with my daughters.” Perhaps I should talk to the baron or Christie about setting up another inn run by family members?
... But expanding our inn business too much could also bring up questions about who I am.

I’m a blacksmith. I run Smithson’s Armory, and business is still slow except for the Crossbow Corps.

"Hmm..."

"You always have weird worries."

"Yeah... Sorry about that."

Because my work is so different from other dads’, explaining things to my kids has been tough lately. So I’ve started saying “I’m a weird dad” as an excuse.

So it’s no wonder I have too many moms, or that people don’t really understand how I make money. And being a weird dad means it’s not surprising that even though I’m already forty, I still end up with fifteen-year-old slave girls as my wives... No, scratch that. That part is still tough to admit.

Externally, the old slave girls aren’t slaves anymore—they’re all my wives now—but they don’t really care about that title change much. They just think of themselves as slaves who’ve earned their status by having kids and contributing in some way.

And lately, I’m getting new slave girls even though I didn’t plan on it.

I do feel that it's not right to make a girl the same age as Elenia pregnant, but unfortunately, I have this bad habit of not being able to keep up with an enthusiastic partner forever. So, I ended up getting her pregnant and they even threw me a congratulatory party. I doubt many kids would understand why I'm such a weird dad.

"I wish I could be the kind of proud dad that people brag about... but there's nothing really praiseworthy about how weird I am."

"Hmm. To me, you're just an ordinary proud dad."

"Claude is a good kid..."

I get teary-eyed.

But how does a ten-year-old see any positive points in a father who spends every day naked in the hot springs with dozens of mothers, getting their white pee all over him? I can't even think of anything to be proud of myself.

"Everyone says that my sex drive is stronger than grandpa's and it's already legendary among Dark Elves."

"Hold on. Wait, uh... Who exactly are these 'everyone'?"

"Hilda Mom or Cosmos Mom or Mira Mom or Noire Mom..."

"In the Dark Elf cultural sphere, ten-year-olds shouldn't be talking about that sort of thing!"

Sex education is too early.
Well, I think it's more that I was way behind when I was younger. At ten years old, I couldn't understand real sex and ended up giving Apple a natural tease play instead.
But what about mothers who can confidently explain to their ten-year-old sons the meaning of phrases like "your dad is strong in bed"? And what about grandfathers teaching them all about their sexual escapades?
"At least in Taluk, everyone knows 'Andy, the husband of Onyx.'"
Isn't that the kind of thing people would gossip about behind your back?
"I can understand you being proud of how it all started, but I don't want you to be boastful about it... First and foremost, I want you to find one girl at a time."
He patted his son's head as he lectured him.
Claudio was an elf-like boy with delicate features that could easily pass for a girl. His hair was slightly longer than what would normally be considered masculine, so if he dressed up as a girl, it wouldn't be hard to pull off.
Girls are creatures who like beautiful things after all. If this handsome young man grows into a handsome young adult, he'll probably become very popular and have an enviable adolescence compared to me, but I want him to understand that the basics start with one-on-one relationships first.
I don't want my son to suddenly try to create a harem like mine and get his heart broken.

「Hmm...」

Claudio looked a bit troubled after hearing that.

So you really thought the harem was the basic setup, huh?

“Actually, I prefer guys over girls...”

My son made an astonishing remark.

“...What?”

“What? No, I mean, it’s more like—”

“...Oh.”

The father was shaken up.

No, wait. Think about this carefully.

Hilda-san may be a good wife and mother now, but originally she was bisexual. She has plenty of experience in pleasing girls as well. Such an open-minded mother's values would certainly not deny her son’s preferences.
Claudius’ cuteness shouldn’t make it hard for him to find a boyfriend. Besides, he said "rather" than being completely uninterested in women; his interest just lies elsewhere.
I myself have already enslaved several races that should never be treated casually as my concubines. How could I criticize Claudius’s broad spectrum of love?
“P-Papa... Well, it's not like I think there's no room for that either… Yeah. Papa and I are different, but the cats go crazy with lust on full moons and do all sorts of lewd things to each other…”
Right. Homosexuality isn’t abnormal at all.
It’s something close by as well. It just so happened that there were more women around me, so I didn't notice it.
Okay, calm down.
“…Thanks.”
Claudius gave me an angelic smile in recognition of my acceptance of his minority sexual preference despite my agitation.

Damn… I can sort of understand Hildda’s feelings. If there were even a little bit in Claudia’s tastes that she liked, it would be cruel to say something harsh while looking at this smile.
“Tetesma taught me all sorts of things about using my ass hole… and Hilddama said that quite a few people are okay with it in Tarku. I’m sure I’ll find a boyfriend eventually.”
“…Tetes…”
Complex emotions arise towards the female slaves who have unnecessarily prepared an environment for Claudia.
I shouldn’t complain, but… ugh.
Among the children, the one who’s been particularly active recently is Frena, daughter of Neia.
Initially she learned swordsmanship from her mother Neia, but showed little talent. However, after learning dance from Noer and Lukino, she has made remarkable progress.
Her physical abilities are definitely inherited from Neia, and she performs the lively Dark Elf dance steps with her small body to perfection.
That’s all well and good.
But while Frena looks like her mother, she is mischievous, throwing eggs at others or stealing food as pranks before quickly hiding in alleys. She has grown into a troublesome child.

I'm used to searching for Grunji and Polka, but once she's in the capital or Tark, it’s over before I even realize it. Her hearing is so good that dragons could find her right away, but unfortunately, she learned how to change her voice with magic at age eleven after being found several times, which made me worry even more about her running around the city.

She eventually got so angry that she left a legend in the capital by chasing her down using her continent-class physical abilities. But I'll leave that aside for now.

If only she didn’t have such a mischievous streak... Is it just parental bias?

Recently, Emma has been on high alert every time she leaves Grunji, and I can't help but think maybe she's being too cautious.

“She’s developed the habit of choosing dangerous places as her escape routes because of all the acrobatic dancing classes. She runs around rooftops or along waterways... It could be fatal.”

“Yeah…”

By "fatal," I mean death. A person could die from falling down a few steps if they hit their head wrong, and that's even more true for kids.

“I have to do something about it soon.”

"But, you know... Would she even listen if I told her to stop? Mother Neia must have said it many times already."

"Like, maybe actually giving her a taste of pain..."

"...If only it were that easy. She's really ticked me off before, so unless I give her something worse this time, there won't be any point..."

It takes a lot for Neia to get mad. Something even more severe...

"Hmm... Maybe she doesn’t find Neia scary because they’re always around each other. So what about someone else... like Rilla or someone who’s really dangerous..."

"A kid who regularly picks fights with dragons might not understand the terror of Rilla."

"Right... The dragon would probably go easy on her in the end, huh? Then maybe Tetes, Cosmos-san, or Lady... people who are scary for different reasons..."

"But that's still just the fear of adults..."

It's not easy to find an effective way to scold a kid who’s used to dealing with tough opponents. I wonder what to do...

The one who solved this problem, surprisingly enough, was Elenia.

"If you want me to stop the harassment against Frena, right?"

"Y-Yeah..."

"That kind of thing won't work even if adults try their hardest."

Elenia said that and took on the task. A few days later, when Frena came to Polka trying to pull some stunt with the baron in broad daylight, Elenia stopped her.

"How long are you going to keep doing such stupid things? You're 11 years old already; act your age!"

「U...wh-what, you too still…?”
“Even though Nole Mama taught me how to dance like a lady, are country bumpkin brats only allowed to play like boys? Hmph.”
…So she’s trying to provoke me with childish pride.
Now that I think about it, back then I probably lumped “adults” together as one group.
When you look at someone as just an object of ridicule, whether they’re important or not doesn’t matter much.
Do I have to scold her from the inside, since she’s still a kid and not part of that category?
…As expected, Frena easily fell for Elenia’s provocation.
Maybe because they were half-sisters close in age, they had always been aware of each other.
“Polka is even more country than Granji! You act all grown up but you’re just a daddy’s girl! You’re the real kid!”
…Hey, she’s talking about you, Elenia. Your recent actions make it hard to argue back.

I thought so, but Elenia’s relaxed.

“Just a kid’s head won’t get that far,”

“...Grrr, it pisses me off. Just because you’re one or two years older—”

“I want boys and girls to stop getting caught up in mixed pranks by the time they’re six or seven. Really, how long are you going to keep this up? Are your moms spoiling you?”

“My mom’s strict! She is!”

Don’t make a joke out of our mothers too much. Selen’s pretty indulgent, isn’t she? I’ve never seen her get mad at anyone.

…Thinking about it now, Neia must be struggling with her teenage daughter while Polka has the luxury of splitting responsibilities between parents. Maybe I should visit Grange more often.

Even when I drop by occasionally, normally both parents have to take on both roles.

“And besides...since you’re not getting enough attention from your dad, Frena, that’s why you can say stuff like this.”

“Nn…!”

"Mom said it, didn't she? Dad's special... Once you really understand what that means, you can't stay a kid anymore..."

Elenia’s expression instantly transforms from childlike to one of sultry allure. Frena is taken aback by Elenia’s sudden change in demeanor.

"W-What are you talking about… I mean, Dad… He doesn’t even understand why he's so popular…"

"You've only ever seen him like that. You don't really get it… You just think of him as a sleazy old pervert, right?"

Elenia leans in close to Frena and whispers.

"The real Dad is… the kind of man who makes Nea Mom, Aurora Sister, Diaune Mom, even all the dragons go crazy for him. The kind of guy that even the strongest women would want a kid with... You've never really thought about how someone like that could actually exist in your life, have you?"

"…"

"...Heh heh. I knew it, little girl."

"T-That's… That’s just weird, isn’t it?!"

“...The opposite of weird is normal. Dad’s not at all normal, right? You know that.”

“But…”

No good, Ele. You’re acting just like Selen did when she was in one of those dangerous moods.

You can’t even think about dragging your step-sister down that path, no matter what.

So I tried to intervene out of a sense of crisis, but I got stopped by the mysterious half-elf group—Selen, Apple, and Neria—who were also hiding behind something.

“Leave this to Ele-chan. Okay?”

“Andy-san hasn’t touched Ele-chan yet, right? …And still, she’s so understanding.”

“She really is Selen’s daughter. …Even I don’t think I could describe Andy’s charm as well as that.”

“If only our child wasn’t causing such trouble… If we let Elenia-chan talk to her, she might calm down a bit.”

Everyone's impressed by Elenia's snake-like eloquence, but...

"Isn't this going to make both Ele and Frena feel like they've failed as fathers? Shouldn't we avoid making them realize things they shouldn't?"

"Andy is a weird dad♪"

"There's nothing else to do."

"I think it'll be fine if you use birth control magic."

"If Frena becomes more feminine...then I could make her my female slave too."

"No, Neia! You weren't thinking that seriously were you!? That's something no parent should ever say!! And as a wife, you're way out of line!!"

"Because the Flash Sword was supposed to be like a father figure for them, but it turned out completely useless...it just became some kind of old story playback machine."

I need to try harder. As a father.

......Why doesn't anyone stop me from messing with my daughters?

"Having too many children is a problem..." is a common story in the countryside.
Since there is virtually no entertainment, sex with my wives is the only daily pleasure. Since more laborers and potential heirs are always better for the community, everyone is encouraged to try as hard as they can.
As a result, a large family is formed in the blink of an eye.
Especially for beastmen, twins and triplets are commonplace, so if you give birth many times, you quickly end up with a family numbering in the dozens.
In Isaac's case, since his wives are beastman sisters, he says his family has ballooned to about twenty children in no time, which sounds exhausting. Now, I'm in no position to tell him to hold back, though.
In fact, the cat-beastman group is experiencing a baby boom.
If you include the entire cat colony, I think my own children alone might exceed 200. That is more than double the original size of the colony.
When I consulted Irina about whether we'd really be okay, she gave me a very dismissive answer: "It's not as if we can't support them. We have dragons, don't we?"
As for food, there is no issue, as the Blue and Silver Dragons—who have far too much time on their hands—take turns stationing themselves near the cat colony to support monster hunting.
Regarding clothing and education, we can be flexible with whatever we need because direct trade with the Elf territory has been established. Once the children are old enough to understand things, they are enrolled in the private Polka Academy, where the Lorries serve as instructors.
According to Laurie, cat-beiment children are as flighty as the rumors say, which makes things difficult; however, the faculty—consisting of Elves and Dragons with decades or even centuries of experience in various fields—is exceptionally talented. Some of the kittens are even showing magical potential that rivals Irina's.
Well, I suppose they'll never truly reach her level since they don't possess her lifespan.

"The fact that almost all of these are my children... it sounds weird, but it doesn't quite feel real."
"It's not like there's any child that Papa doesn't know, right?"
"I know that, but... two hundred is a lot."
"And this isn't even all of them, is it?"
"...That's the thing."
I sighed while looking back at the Polka Academy auditorium with Claudio.
Of course, children too young to comprehend things do not attend the academy. And while Claudio is only ten, being Hilda's son, his intelligence is extraordinary; he has already self-taught most of the academy's primary subjects and is treated like a graduate.
He is a far cry from Peter, who does nothing but chase after breasts as usual.
By the way, the academy is only in session for the six months of winter when everyone is idle; during the summer, they spend time in their respective homelands. It's not just cat-beastmen; children of Elves and even prostitutes attend, and students also come from the town of Polka and Grange.
But well, the ones who show up for the opening ceremony are mostly my children.
The cat-beastmen, in particular, gather reliably because the dragons transport them. Furthermore, because the academy started as an extension of the church's educational mission, they have inherited a loose attitude where it's no big deal if they don't show up for the opening or closing ceremonies.
Then again, there's no medal awarded for attending every single session, so I suppose that's just how it is.
There is one merit, though: while attending this academy, lodging and food are free. Since most of the students are my children, that's how it happened for the external students as well.
As for lodging, half of them stay while helping out at the inn we manage, and the other half stay at the Vapor Palace. Of course, the Palace is for my children only.
Since a "Nude Paradise" is a bit too stimulating for the boys, I strongly recommend the inn. Some voices ask, "Is it okay for the girls?" but since my female slaves say, "It's almost all women anyway, so it's fine," I find myself nodding in agreement. To be clear, I do not mandate undressing.
However, since cat-beastmen are quite casual about such things, they tend to strip naked without any hesitation.
I feel like this situation is not very good for my future policy of "I will not do anything lewd to my daughters." Should I approach the Baron or Christie to arrange for another family-run inn?
...But if I expand the inn business too much, it will start to involve the question of "Who am I?"
I am a blacksmith. I am the owner of the Smeaton Armory. Though, as usual, no work comes my way from anyone except the crossbow corps.
"Ugh..."
"I always think this, but Papa has a lot of strange worries."
"I am a strange Papa... sorry."
Because my lifestyle is so different from that of other fathers, I often struggle to explain things to my growing children, so lately I's been using the excuse "Because I'm a strange Papa" quite often.
Since I'm a strange Papa, it can't be helped if I have too many mamas. Since I'm a strange Papa, it can't be helped if people don't understand how I make my money.
Since I'm a strange Papa, it can't be helped if I make a fifteen-year-old newcomer a mama even though I'm already forty... No, no. That's pushing it.
Externally, my long-time female slaves are no longer referred to as slaves, but as my wives; however, they themselves don't care much about the distinction.
There is a broad classification of "female slave," and within that, once someone is recognized as a "full member" through childbirth or significant contribution, they obtain the external title of "wife."
And recently, the number of female slaves has been increasing occasionally. I have no intention of increasing them, but it keeps happening.

"I really thought getting someone around Elenia's age pregnant was a bad idea," I thought to myself. Unfortunately, I have a bad habit of being unable to hold my ground against an assertive partner, and long story short, she ended up pregnant, and now there's even a celebration party being held for it. I doubt many of the kids agree with my reasoning of, "Well, it can't be helped, because your Papa is just weird."

"I want to be a dad you can be proud of as much as possible... but I'm so strange there's nothing to be proud of, is there?"

"Hmm. To me, you're a perfectly wonderful dad."

"You're such a good boy, Claus..."

It was a touching moment.

However, I can't fathom how a ten-year-old can find any redeeming qualities in a father who spends every single day soaking in hot springs completely naked while accidentally splashing "white urine" on dozens of different mamas. Even as I think about it, I can't come up with a single thing that would be boastable.

"Everyone says that in Dark Elf culture, it's already legendary that your libido is even stronger than Grandpa's."

"Wait. No, uh... first of all, who is 'everyone'?"

"Like Mama Hilda, Mama Cosmos, Mama Mira, Mamaノール..."

"The Dark Elf cultural sphere goes that far with a ten-year-old...!?"

Their sex education is far too advanced.

Well, I suppose my own was far too delayed. When I was ten, I didn't even understand what actual intercourse was, so I ended up accidentally giving Apple a "teasing" play session.

But what's with these mothers who can so boldly and accurately teach a ten-year-old things like, "Your papa is powerful at sex"? And what's with teaching him about his grandfather's sexual affairs too?

"At least in Tarc, anyone who hears 'Andy, the son-in-law of Onyx' knows exactly who you are."

That sounds like the kind of name that gets you pointed at and gossiped about.

"I don't mind if that's the reason for how things turned out, but I don't want you boasting about that... First, I want you to find your own individual charm with a girl, one-on-one."

I lectured him while patting my son's head.

Claudio, being an elf-descended boy, has beautiful features that could easily be mistaken for a girl's. His hair is a bit long for an ordinary boy, so if he cross-dressed, very few people would likely see through it.

After all, girls are creatures that love beautiful things. When a beautiful boy like this grows into a beautiful young man, he'll undoubtedly be incredibly popular and live a much more blessed youth than I did—but I want him to at least understand the fundamental principle of one-on-one relationships.

I really don't want my child to end up getting rejected harshly because he tried to build a massive harem like I did.

"Hmm..."

Claudio looked a little troubled by that.

Wait, are you one of those kids who thought a harem was the standard...?

"To be honest, I'm more... into boys than girls..."

My child uttered a shocking murmur.

"...Eh?"

"Eh, ah, no, I mean, I'm more toward that side, but...?"

"...O-oh."

I, the father, was shaken.

N-no, think carefully. Think about it.

Hilda-san is a devoted wife and mother now, but she was originally bisexual. She has plenty of repertoire when it comes to pleasure with girls.

A mother with such an open-minded perspective wouldn't deny her son's preferences.

With Claus's cuteness, finding a boyfriend shouldn't be difficult. Besides, he said "more toward that side." It's not like he has no interest in women at all. His "strike zone" is just a bit too wide.

How could I, who has turned this many different species into my female slaves—species I shouldn't have been able to lay hands on so easily—criticize the direction of Claus's broad affection?

"P-Papa... well, I don't think that's... not a bad thing. Yeah. It's a different direction from mine, but they say the cats get so aroused on full moon nights that they engage in erotic things with the same sex..."

That's right. Homosexuality is by no means abnormal.

I've seen it around me before. It's just that, by chance, the examples around me happened to be mostly women, so it didn't catch my attention.

Okay. I've calmed down.

"...Thank you."

As I accepted his minority sexual preference despite my inner turmoil, Claudio gave me an angelic smile.

Ugh... I can understand Hilda's feelings just a little bit. Even if there are some questionable aspects to Claudio's tastes, you just can't bring yourself to say something so cruel to that smiling face.

"Tetes told me all sorts of things regarding... the use of the anus... and Hilda-mama said there are quite a lot of people in Talc who find it acceptable. I'm sure you'll find a lover before long."

"...Tetes..."

I feel a wave of complicated emotions toward these female slaves who are going out of their way to create the perfect environment for Claudio.
I hate to complain, but... ugh.

Among the children, the most active lately is Frena, Neia's daughter.
Initially, she studied swordsmanship under Neia but lacked much talent; however, after learning dance from Mr. Nor and Mr. Lucino, her skills have shown remarkable progress.
Her athleticism is, as expected, inherited from Neia, and with her small body, she brilliantly mimics the lively dance steps of the Dark Elves.
That part is fine.
The problem is that while she looks just like Neia, she has grown into a troublesome child who loves mischief—throwing eggs at others or stealing food, only to quickly vanish into the back alleys of the city.
If it were Grunge or Polka, I’m used to it and could track her down, but in the Royal Capital or Talc, she disappears in the blink of an eye, so I can never let my guard down.
If we use the dragons' hearing, we can find her immediately, but the trouble is that since she's been found several times that way, she learned from it—demonstrating a useless level of genius by independently developing magic to change her voice at just eleven years old, all so she could run around the capital undetected.
And then, Neia finally snapped, and her full-force pursuit—relying on her continent-class physical abilities—left a legend in the Royal Capital, but let's set that aside.
She would be a good child if it weren't for her penchant for pranks... though that might just be parental bias.
Lately, Emma has been on high alert every time she leaves Grunge, to the point where I feel like she's overdoing it...

"Pranks aside, because she's learned somewhat acrobatic dancing, she's developed a habit of choosing only dangerous places as her escape routes. Running around rooftops and along canal edges with a child's physical abilities... it could lead to something irreversible."

"...Yeah."

"Something irreversible," even with Polka's Spirit Spring or Break Core's regenerative healing, means death.
Humans can die just from tumbling down a flight of stairs if they land badly. For a child, it's even more so.

"We have to find a way to make her stop soon."

"But... I wonder if she'll actually listen. Her mother, Neia, has told her to stop because it's dangerous countless times."

"What if, for example, we gave her a slightly painful lesson..."

"...It would be great if it ended with just 'slight'..."

"...Since she's already managed to make Neia truly angry once, there's no point unless we make her experience something even worse... Even 'slight' is difficult."

Neia getting angry is a pretty big deal, though. Even worse than that...?

"Hmm... maybe it's not scary because she's always around Neia. Then, how about having someone else... someone truly dangerous, like Lyra, scold her..."

"Do you think a child who constantly messes with dragons can understand the terror of Lady Lyra?"

"...I see. In the end, she probably thinks the dragons will hold back in the end. Then, someone with a different kind of danger, like Tetes, or Cosmos-san, or Lady..."

"But that is ultimately the fear of the adult world..."

"Hmm..."
How to effectively use anger on a child who has become too accustomed to formidable opponents. It's quite difficult.
What should we do...?

The one who solved this was, unexpectedly, Elenia.

"You just need to make Frena stop her senseless pranks, right?"

"W-Well, yeah..."

"Adults trying their hardest won't work for things like that."

Elenia said this as she took on the task.
And a few days later, we caught Frena, who had come to Polka, boldly attempting to pull some sort of stunt on a Baron in the middle of the city.

"How long are you going to keep up with such tacky behavior? Aren't you being a bit too much of a brat for an eleven-year-old?"

She looked down at Frena with eyes of pure, freezing contempt.

"Ugh... W-what are you saying?! You're still..."

"Even after getting lessons in feminine dancing from Mama Nor, I guess a little country brat can only manage boyish playtime. Pfft."

...So, the strategy is to prick each other's pride, just like children do.
Come to think of it, I suppose I was viewing all "adults" as one single category. At least, when I was around that age.
When looking at someone purely as an object for teasing and play, it doesn't matter how high-ranking or formidable they are; there is no difference.
So, I can't just be an observer; I have to step inside the line and reprimand her from the child's perspective.

...As expected, Frena bit the bait of Elenia's provocation easily.
Perhaps it was because, as half-sisters with relatively close ages, they were already hyper-aware of one another.

"Polka is even more of the countryside than Grunge! And you act all grown-up, but you're just a daddy's girl! You're actually more of a brat!"

...Hey. She's coming for you, Ele. Looking at your recent behavior, I can't even argue against that.
I thought to myself, but Elenia remained composed.

"I guess that's all a child's mind can grasp."

"...I-I hate you... Just because you're a year or two older..."

"I'd prefer it if both boys and girls stopped being so obsessed with silly pranks once they reach six or seven. Seriously, how long do you plan to keep this up? Are you being coddled by Mama?"

"M-my mother is strict!"

Don't make our mothers the subject of your jokes. Selene is quite gentle. At the very least, I've never seen her lose her temper with you.
...It occurred to me now that while Polka has an environment where mothers can share the load, Neia is struggling with a daughter in puberty. Maybe I should visit Grunge more often.
Even though I visit occasionally, usually I have to play both the father and mother roles simultaneously.

"And that's only because... you've never had Papa take you seriously enough to say such things, Frena."

"Wh—!"

"Doesn't Mama tell everyone? Papa is special... If you truly understood the meaning of that, you wouldn't be able to remain a child...♪"

In an instant, Elenia's childish aura vanished, replaced by an expression of chilling allure and intoxication.
Frena looked bewildered by Elenia's inexplicable transformation.

"W-what are you... I mean, Father... even he says he doesn't know why he's so popular..."

"Because you only see him through that lens. Because you don't understand... You just think he's a flighty, lecherous old man, don't you?"

Elenia leaned close to Frena's face and whispered.

"The real Papa is... a man who makes Mama Neia... Sister Aurora... Mama Diane... even the dragons... all of them, every single one of them, fall so deeply in love that their heads spin. You've never really thought about the fact that such a man actually exists right before your eyes, have you...?"

"........."

"...Hehe. Just as I thought. A little brat♪"

"T-that's... treating a father like that... that's weird...!"

"...The opposite of weird is normal. And Papa is not normal at all. You know that much, don't you?"

"B-but...!"

This is bad. This is very bad, Ele.
Right now, you sound exactly like Selene. You know, when she gets that dangerous vibe.
No matter how much you want to, you shouldn't try to drag your half-sister down that... dark path.

So, intending to step in with a sense of crisis, I was intercepted by a mysterious group of half-elves—Selene, Apple, and Anzeros—who had also slipped into the shadows.

"Let's leave this to Ele-chan. Okay?♪"

"If I recall, you haven't even laid a finger on Ele-chan yet, Andy-san. ...And yet, her level of comprehension is already there."

"She really is Selen's daughter. ...Even I wouldn't be confident I could put that into words so well, yet she can speak so eloquently of Andy's charm."

"My child is truly a handful... But if we let Elenia-chan keep persuading her, she should eventually settle down."

Everyone is impressed by Elenia's silver tongue, though.

"At this rate, isn't the flow of the story going to force both El and Frena to do something that makes them complete failures as fathers? Won't it feel like they're being made to realize something they shouldn't have to learn the hard way?"

"That's because Andy-san is a strange papa♪"

"It can't be helped, right?"

"I think it'll be fine if we just use contraception magic."

"If Frena becomes a proper little lady... I wouldn't mind making her a female slave."

"Wait, Neia, were you really that distressed?! That is absolutely something you shouldn't say as a parent! And as a wife, that's pretty much out of line too!?"

"It's just... I thought the Flash Sword would at least act as a bit of a father figure, but it turned out to be completely useless... It's nothing more than a playback device for old stories."

I... I'll try harder to be a better father. As a father.

...Why isn't anyone stopping everyone from acting like I'm about to lay hands on my own daughter?

Having too many kids is a common problem in the countryside.

With no real entertainment around, sex with my wife is pretty much all I look forward to these days. Everyone wants plenty of workers and heirs, so I let her do as she pleases. Before you know it, you’ve got a huge family.

Especially with beastfolk—twins and triplets are the norm, so after a few pregnancies, you’re looking at a family of ten or more real quick.

Isaac’s situation is even worse; his wife is a pair of beastfolk sisters, so he already has like twenty kids and is struggling. I couldn’t exactly tell him to slow down, though.

In reality, the cat-beastfolk are having a baby boom. Including the cat colony, I’ve probably got over 200 kids on my hands. That’s more than double the original cat colony.

I asked Irina if this was really okay, and she said something incredibly vague like, "We shouldn’t have trouble raising them. We’ve got dragons too."

Food isn’t a problem since idle bronze and silver dragons take turns patrolling near the cat colony and help with monster hunting.

Clothes and education are flexible thanks to direct trade with the elf territory. The kids who are old enough get taught at a private Polka Academy run by Loree and the others.

Loree says the cat-beastfolk are as fickle as rumors say, but the elf and dragon instructors—who’ve got decades or even centuries of experience in their fields—are excellent. Some of the kittens even show magical talent that rivals Irina’s. Though, well, they don’t have her lifespan, so they’ll never quite catch up.

“The fact that almost all of these are my kids… it feels weird to say, but I barely feel it.”
“Aren’t there any kids you don’t know, Papa?”
“Yeah, but still. Two hundred is a lot.”
“And this isn’t even everyone, right?”
“…Yeah, it’s not.”

Claudio and I sighed as we watched the Polka Academy auditorium from behind. Of course, kids too young to understand don’t come to school. And Claudio’s only ten, but being Hildegard’s son, his brain is way ahead—he’s already self-taught in most of the academy’s core subjects and is treated like a graduate.

Peter’s still chasing after boobs, so he’s worlds apart from him.

The academy only opens for half the year (when everyone’s free) during winter; in summer, everyone goes back to their hometowns. Not just cat-beastfolk attend—elf-descended kids, whores’ children, and even some from Polka Town and Granze come too.

But mostly, it’s my kids showing up for the opening ceremony. The cats are reliably brought by dragons, and since it started as an extension of the church’s education program, there’s a loose attitude where you don’t have to show up if you don’t want to.

But even if you take all the classes, you don’t get any medals or anything—just that.

There is a perk: free lodging and meals while you’re here. Since most of the students are my kids anyway, it just… happened that way for everyone.

Half the kids help out at the inn I took over, and half stay at the Vapor Palace—but only my kids get to stay at the palace.

The all-nude paradise is too much for the boys, so I strongly recommend the inn. Some say it’s fine for girls, but the female slaves said, "It's mostly women anyway, so it should be okay," so I nodded. Of course, undressing isn’t mandatory.

But cat-beastfolk are so easygoing that they strip down without hesitation.

This isn’t great if I’m going to stick to my "no lewd stuff with my daughters" policy. Maybe I should ask Baron or Kristy to set up another inn run by family…

…But expanding the inn business too much ties into the whole "What am I, anyway?" problem.

I’m a blacksmith. The owner of Smythson Arms. Business is still slow except for the crossbow guys.

“Hmm…”
“You always have such weird worries, Papa.”
“Yeah, I’m a weird dad… sorry about that.”

Since my business is so different from other dads’, I often struggle to explain things to the kids who’ve grown up. Lately, I’ve been using "I'm just a weird dad" as an excuse a lot.

It’s no wonder I have so many moms; I’m a weird dad. It’s no wonder I don’t really know what kind of work he does to earn a living; I’m a weird dad. It’s no wonder he’s made a fifteen-year-old newbie female slave his mom even though he’s already forty… well, actually, that’s pushing it.

Outwardly, the old female slaves have all been wives for ages now, but they still don’t really care about that distinction much. There’s this broad category of "female slave," and if you have kids or contribute enough, you’re recognized as "full-fledged" and get the external title of wife.

And recently, female slaves are still increasing in number. I don’t intend to increase them, but they keep multiplying anyway.

I definitely shouldn’t be getting someone Elenia’s age pregnant, but unfortunately, it’s a bad habit of mine that I can’t stay stiff forever when dealing with eager partners, and before I knew it, I’d gotten one pregnant and we even had a baby shower. Not many of the kids probably understand why they’re okay with "it’s because he’s a weird dad," though.

"I want to be as proud of my dad as possible… but I’m too weird to be proud of."

"Hmm… As far as I’m concerned, you’re a perfectly normal dad to be proud of."

"Claude is such a good kid…"

Sniff.

But how does a ten-year-old find any redeeming qualities in a father who spends every single day soaking in the hot springs completely naked while dozens of moms piss white water all over him? I can’t think of anything to be proud of myself.

"Everyone says that being hungrier than your grandpa is legendary, dark elf-style."

"Wait. Whoa—uh—who’s 'everyone'?"

"Hilda-mom, Cosmos-mom, Mira-mom, Nol-mom…"

"In the dark elf culture sphere, a ten-year-old knows that much…!"

Sex education is way too early.

No, I think my sex education was way too late. When I was ten, I didn’t understand real sex and gave Apple the natural letdown play.

But what about mothers who proudly explain to their ten-year-olds, "Your dad’s a great lover," or even tell them about their grandfathers’ sex lives?

"At least in Tark, if you say 'Andy, the Onyx Groom,' everyone knows who you mean."

That sounds like the kind of name that gets whispered behind your back.

"I don’t want you bragging about that part to anyone… First, I want you to find someone’s charm one-on-one with a girl."

I pat my son’s head while lecturing him.

Claudio has elf-like features, almost girlishly beautiful. His hair is a little longer than most boys’, so if he cross-dressed, probably not many people would catch on.

Girls like pretty things, no matter what. If this handsome boy becomes a handsome young man, he’ll be super popular and have a much more blessed youth than I did, but first, I want him to understand that it’s one-on-one.

I can’t stand the thought of my own kid trying to build a huge harem like me and getting screwed over instantly.

"Hmm…"

Claudio looked troubled after hearing that.

"So… you really thought a harem was the default, huh?"

"Um… well… more than girls, I kinda like boys…"

My son dropped a bombshell.

"...Huh?"

"Eh, ah, no, just—more than girls, I mean?"

"...O-okay."

I’m flustered.

N-no, think about it carefully. Think about it.

Hilda is a good wife and wise mother these days, but she was always a two-edged sword. She’s got a pretty impressive repertoire when it comes to getting off with girls.

A mother with such open-minded values probably wouldn’t deny her son’s tastes either.

As for finding a boyfriend, Claudio’s cuteness shouldn’t be too hard. Besides, it’s not like he doesn’t like women—it’s just that his strike zone is a little too wide.

And here I am, turning so many different races—who should never be approached so casually—into my personal sex slaves. How can I possibly criticize Claudio’s broad spectrum of love?

“P-Perhaps… maybe Papa doesn’t think it’s completely out of the question. Yeah. It’s not really my thing, but cats go wild during a full moon and get all hot and bothered with each other…”

That’s right. Homosexuality isn’t abnormal.

It’s something that exists even in my own life. I just happened to be surrounded by more women, so it never stood out.

Okay… I’m calm now.

“…Thanks.”

Despite his flustered state, Claudio gives me an angelic smile for acknowledging his minority sexual preference.

Damn it… I kinda understand Hilda’s feelings now. Even if I had some reservations about Claudio’s tastes, I couldn’t be cruel to that smile.

“As for using the butt hole, Tete’s mom taught me plenty… and Hilda’s mom said there are quite a few people in Taluk who are into it. I’m sure you’ll find a lover someday.”

“…Tete…”

I can’t help but feel conflicted about these female slaves going overboard to accommodate Claudio.

Complaining is pointless… ugh.

Among the kids, Frena—Neia’s daughter—is the most active lately.

At first, she tried learning swordsmanship from Neia but didn’t have much talent for it. But after taking dance lessons from Norr and Lucino, she’s been improving rapidly.

Her athletic ability is pure Neia, and she flawlessly mimics the lively dark elf’s dance steps with her small frame.

Which would be fine if…

She may look like Neia, but she’s mischievous, throwing eggs at people or stealing food to harass them before vanishing into the city’s alleys. Granze and Polka are used to finding her, but she disappears in the royal capital and Taluk just as quickly, so I can’t relax.

I could use the dragons’ hearing to find her, but she learned that after being caught a few times and developed a useless genius-level talent—she created a voice-changing magic spell at the age of eleven just to run around the royal capital.

Eventually, Neia snapped and went on a full-force pursuit using her continent-class physical abilities, leaving a legend in the royal capital. But let’s leave that aside.

She’d be a good kid if it weren’t for her mischief… or maybe that’s just parental bias.

Lately, every time she leaves Granze, Emma tightens security so much that I feel like she’s overreacting.

“Putting mischief aside, she’s picked up the habit of choosing dangerous places as escape routes because of those acrobatic dance moves. Running across rooftops and along waterways with a child’s physical ability… it could end in disaster.”

“…Yeah.”

Even with Polka’s healing spring or Break Core’s regenerative therapy, some things are irreversible—namely, death.

Humans are so fragile that they can die from just falling down the stairs. Especially kids.

“We have to stop her before it’s too late.”

“But… can we even tell her to stop? Neia has probably told her a hundred times to stop because it’s dangerous.”

“Maybe give her a light scare, like… a minor injury?”

“…If it could be kept light, that’d be good.”

“…We already made Neia seriously angry once, so it has to be worse than that… and keeping it ‘light’ is going to be difficult.”

Neia getting angry is a big deal. Worse than that…?

"Hmm… maybe she’s not scared of Neyah because she’s always around her. Then, what about someone else… like, seriously dangerous, like Lila? Getting scolded by them…"

“Do you think a child who regularly pesters dragons can truly comprehend the terror that is Lady Lila?”

“…Right. In the end, they probably just assume the dragon will hold back. So, how about Tethys, or Cosmos-sama, or some other kind of dangerous person…”

“That’s still just the fear of the adult world…”

“Hmm…”

How to effectively scold a child who’s become too accustomed to dealing with incredibly powerful beings? That’s quite the challenge.

What to do…

The solution came from an unexpected source: Elenia.

“You should just stop harassing Frena, that’s all.”

“Well, yeah… sort of.”

“That’s something adults can’t fix no matter how hard they try.”

Elenia said so and took it upon herself.

A few days later, Frena came to Polka and was caught brazenly trying to do something to the Baron in the middle of town.

“How long are you going to keep doing such pathetic stuff? You’re eleven years old, aren’t you acting like a kid?”

She looked down at Frena with her full, cold glare.
“W-What’s that supposed to mean? You’re not even…”

“Even after learning ladylike dances from Norra-Mama, you’re still stuck playing boyish games like some backwoods hick. Hmph.”
…A strategy of poking at each other’s pride as children.
Now that she mentions it, I was lumping “adults” together. At least back then.
When looking at someone as a target for teasing, it doesn’t matter how great or powerful they are.
Is it necessary to scold from within the line, not as a “target,” but as a child?
…As expected, Frena easily fell for Elenia’s provocation.
Perhaps because they were relatively close in age and half-sisters, they were always aware of each other.
“Polka is even more rural than Grandje! You’re just acting like an adult, but you’re just daddy's girl! That makes you more of a kid!”

…Hey. I’m being told, Elen. Looking at your recent behavior, there’s no way to argue with that.

But Elenia was unfazed.

“Only a child would say something like that.”

“…Grrr… just because you’re one or two years older doesn’t mean anything.”

“I wish you’d stop getting so caught up in the same childish pranks, boys and girls alike. I wonder how long this will last. Is your mother spoiling you?”

“M-My mom’s strict!”

Don’t bring up their mothers so much. Selen is pretty lenient. I’ve never seen her get mad at you.

…Compared to Polka’s environment where the mothers can share the burden, Neia is struggling with her adolescent daughter, I realize now. Maybe I should visit Grandje more often.

Even when I occasionally visit, I have to play both father and mother roles simultaneously.

“Besides… you’re saying that because you haven’t gotten enough attention from Papa.”

“What…?”

"Mom says it all the time, doesn't she? 'Dad's special…' If you really understood what that meant, you wouldn't be able to stay a kid anymore…" ♪

Elenia’s expression instantly shifted, her face taking on a chilling allure and intoxicating charm as if sensing the presence of children.

Frena looked bewildered at Elenia’s inexplicable behavior.

"W-What are you talking about…? Dad’s just… he doesn’t even know why he’s so popular himself…"

"Because that’s the only kind of dad you see. Because you don’t understand. You probably think he’s just some lecherous, good-for-nothing old man, right?"

Elenia leaned in close to Frena and whispered.
"But the real Dad… he’s the kind of guy who makes Neia Mom, Aurora Sis, Diane Mom, even the dragons—everyone—fall head over heels for him. The kind of guy who makes even the strongest women want kids. You’ve never really thought about how weird it is that someone like that exists so close to you, have you…?"

"……"

"...Hehe. Still an o-ko-sa-ma, though." ♪

"T-That’s not how you talk about your father… that’s weird!"

"...Weird’s the opposite of normal. And Dad’s nothing like normal. You know that, right?"

"B-B-but—"

No. No, Elen.
You’re looking way too much like Selen right now. That dangerous vibe.
There’s no way you should be dragging your stepsister down that path.
Just as I was about to intervene with a sense of urgency, the mysterious half-elf group—Selen, Apple, Anzalos, and Neia—who’d also taken cover nearby stopped me.

"Let’s leave this to Elenie. Okay?" ♪

"And you haven’t laid a hand on her yet, Andy, right? …Yet she understands him that well."

"You really are your mother’s daughter, aren’t you? …Even I wouldn’t be able to put it into words so well, but you managed to describe Andy’s charm like that."

"My child is truly causing trouble… If we let Elenia talk some sense into her, she might calm down a little."

Everyone was impressed by Elenia’s serpentine eloquence.

"But if this keeps up, won’t it just lead to Elen and Frena making Dad look like a total failure? Won’t it turn into that kind of situation where they make him realize something he shouldn’t?"

"Because Andy’s a weird dad." ♪

"What can you do?"

"If we cast contraception magic, there shouldn’t be any problems."

"If Frena becomes a proper girl… I’d even consider making her my female slave."

"Wait, Neia! You were that serious?! That’s something a parent should never say! It’s also pretty much out of bounds as a wife!?"

"But the Flashblade was supposed to be like a father figure, and it turned out to be completely useless… just a machine that plays old stories."

I need to try harder as a father. As a father.
…Why won’t anyone stop me from messing with my daughter?

Having too many children is a common problem in the countryside.
With no entertainment whatsoever, sex with my wife becomes the sole joy of daily life. Since the surrounding villagers see no harm in having more workers and heirs, they encourage her to keep going as much as she likes.
As a result, before long, a large extended family forms.
Especially since beastkin twins and triplets are commonplace, giving birth repeatedly quickly results in families numbering in the dozens.
In Isaac's case, his wife is a beastkin sister pair, so their children numbered around twenty in no time, causing quite a stir. Though I wanted to tell him to pull back, it wasn't really my place to say such things.
Indeed, the cat-beastkin group has fallen into a baby boom.
Including those from the original Cat Colony, I suspect there are now over two hundred children of mine alone—more than double the initial population of the colony.
When I asked Ailina if everything would truly be alright, she casually replied, "There's no shortage of resources to raise them. Besides, dragons exist too."
Regarding food, idle blue and silver dragons take turns stationed near the Cat Colony to support monster-hunting efforts, so that poses no problem.
As for clothing and education, direct trade with the Elf Territory has been established, making arrangements flexible. Children old enough to understand are welcomed into our private Polka Academy, where Lorrie serves as an instructor.
Though Lorrie admits cat-beastkin are notoriously fickle and troublesome, the faculty of elves and dragons, each possessing decades to centuries of expertise in their respective fields, are exceptionally skilled. Among the kittens, some have even demonstrated magical aptitude rivaling Ailina's own.
Well, since they lack Ailina's lifespan, I suppose they'll never quite catch up.

"This situation, where almost everyone here is my child... it's a strange way to put it, but I feel disconnected from it."
"None of them are children your father doesn't know about, right?"
"That's true, but still—two hundred people!"
"And besides, this isn't all of them, is it?"
"...Yeah, that's right."
Sighing while standing behind the lecture hall of Polka Academy alongside Claudio.
Of course, children too young to understand are not admitted to the academy. Claudio is only ten years old, yet thanks to his mother Hilda's influence, his intelligence far surpasses others; he has already mastered most core subjects on his own and is treated as a graduate.
What a stark contrast to Peter, who continues to chase after breasts as usual.
By the way, the academy operates only during the six-month winter season when everyone has leisure time; during summer, each child returns to their hometown. Students include not just cat-beastkin but also children born to elves and even some prostitutes, alongside regular citizens of Polka Town and Grangi.
Still, mostly my own children attend the opening ceremony.
Especially since dragons transport the cats, attendance is guaranteed. Moreover, having started as an extension of the church temple's educational program, they've inherited a laid-back attitude where appearing at opening or closing ceremonies isn't strictly necessary.
But even if they complete all courses, no medals are awarded for it, so who cares?
There is one benefit: while attending the academy, lodging and meals are free. Since most of my children attend, this policy naturally extended to external students as well.
Half the time, they stay at an inn we manage with our help; the other half, they sleep in the Vaper Palace. Of course, access to the palace is limited to my children only.
For the boys, I strongly recommend staying at the inn since full-nude paradise might be too stimulating for them. Some voices argue that girls should also be allowed, but female slaves reassured us, saying, "It's mostly women anyway, so it should be fine," and I nodded in agreement. Of course, undressing is not mandatory.
However, cat-beastkin are naturally carefree and tend to strip naked without hesitation.
Looking ahead, maintaining the policy of never doing anything inappropriate with my daughters seems difficult under these circumstances. Should I negotiate with the Baron or Kristie to establish another inn operated by family members?
...But expanding our inn business too much might complicate matters regarding "who exactly I am."
I'm a blacksmith, after all—the owner of Smisson's Weapon Shop. Business there remains stagnant, receiving almost no orders outside the crossbow squad.

"Hmm..."

"I've always thought your father has quite peculiar worries."

"That's because I'm such a strange father... sorry about that."

Due to the vast difference between my lifestyle and other fathers', explaining myself to my growing children has become increasingly difficult, so lately I often resort to the excuse, "Because I'm such a weird dad."

My father is strange, so it's no wonder there are too many mothers. My father is strange, so it's no wonder I don't understand how he makes a living.

Since my father is strange, it's no wonder that even though I'm already forty, I've made a fifteen-year-old new recruit into a mother... No, no. That's just too much.

To the outside world, the old female slaves aren't considered slaves anymore; they're all wives now. But even today, they don't really care about that distinction.

In broad terms, there's still the status of "female slave," and once you bear children or make a certain contribution, you're recognized as "full-fledged" and given the external title of "wife."

Lately, female slaves have been increasing again. I didn't intend for them to increase, but they've just kept growing.

I really think it's wrong to impregnate someone as young as Elenia, but unfortunately, I can't hold my ground against eager ones forever—that's a bad habit of mine. So I ended up getting her pregnant and even threw an congratulatory party. I suppose few of the children truly accept me with the thought, "Well, it's no wonder; he's a strange father."

"I'd like to be as boastful a father as possible... but I'm so weird there's nothing to boast about."

"Hmm. As for me, I think my dad is pretty normal and something to be proud of."

"Klaus is such a good kid..."

My heart twinges.

But how can a ten-year-old possibly find anything admirable in a father who, every single day, soaks in the hot springs completely naked while dozens of mothers urinate white streams onto him? I can't think of any point to boast about either.

"Everyone says that among Dark Elves, having stronger libido than your grandfather is already legendary."

"Hold on. Wait, no... let me see. Who exactly are 'everyone' and 'who'?"

"Mama Hilda, Mama Cosmos, Mama Mira, Mama Noelle, and so on."

"In the Dark Elf cultural sphere, going that far with a ten-year-old...!"

Sex education is way too early.

No, I think my past self was way too slow. When I was ten, I didn't understand actual sex, so Apple just left me to natural play.

But how can mothers openly tell a ten-year-old, "Your dad has a strong sex drive," and explain the meaning of that? And they even teach about your grandfather's sexual matters!

"At least in Tark, if you say 'Andy, son-in-law of Onyx,' everyone knows who you're talking about."

That sounds like the kind of name that gets people pointing fingers behind your back.

"As for what led to this situation, I don't mind, but I wouldn't want you to boast about it... First, I'd like you to find charm with one girl at a time."

While gently patting my son's head, I try to reason with him.

Claudio, like many elf boys, has a beautiful face that could easily be mistaken for a girl's. His hair is slightly longer than the average boy's, so if he dressed as a woman, few would probably recognize him.

Anyway, girls are creatures who love beauty. If such a handsome boy grows into a handsome young man, he'll surely become extremely popular and enjoy a much more privileged youth than I did. But first and foremost, I want you to firmly understand the basics of one-on-one relationships.

I absolutely don't want my own child to try creating a harem like mine right away and get crushed by it.

"Hmm..."

Claudio frowned slightly after hearing that.

So you really thought a harem was the norm...?

"Rather than girls, I think I'd prefer boys..."

My son made a shocking whisper.

"...Eh?"

"Eh, ah, no, rather than that, you know?"

"...Oh, okay."

The father is flustered.

N-no, think carefully. Think it through properly.

Hilda is now a model wife and mother, but she's always been a two-sword fighter. She has plenty of experience with intimate encounters with girls.

Such an open-minded mother wouldn't deny her son's preferences either.
If Crow is as cute as he seems, finding a boyfriend shouldn't be too difficult for him. Besides, it's "somewhat" that way. He's not uninterested in women at all; his strike zone just happens to be a bit too wide.

After all, I—who keeps these alien females as slaves—can hardly criticize the direction of Crow's broad love.
"P-Papa... um, I don't think you're against that kind of thing either. Um. We're different in approach, but cats get so lustful during the full moon they do all sorts of erotic things with each other..."

That's right. Homosexuality isn't abnormal at all.
It exists right here among us. It just happened that most examples around me were female, so I didn't notice.

OK. Calmed down.
"...Thank you."

Even while shaken, Crowdio offers an angelic smile after acknowledging my minority sexual preference.
Ugh... I can understand Hilda's feelings a little now. Even if I had any reservations about Crowdio's preferences, I couldn't say anything cruel to that smile.

"As for using the anal opening, Tettesha taught me quite a bit, and Hilda Mom said it's fairly common in Tark. I think we'll find a lover soon."

"...Tettes..."

A complex emotion rises within me toward the female slaves who have gone to excessive lengths preparing the environment for Crowdio.
I shouldn't complain... ugh.

Among the children, Frena, Neia's daughter, has recently become the most active.
At first, she tried learning swordsmanship from Neia but lacked talent; however, after studying dance with Noru-san and Luquino-san, she showed remarkable improvement.
Her athletic ability is truly inherited from Neia herself, and her small body perfectly traces the lively steps of the dark elf dances.

That's good, though.
While she resembles Neia in appearance, she's mischievous—throwing eggs at others, stealing food, and pranking people before slipping away into alleyways. She's grown into a troublesome child who disappears in an instant whether it's Grangi or Tark.

Grangi and Polka would know how to find her, but even there, she vanishes quickly, so I can't let my guard down.
If only the dragons' hearing could locate her immediately, but unfortunately, after being found out several times this way, she learned to change her voice with a magic spell she independently developed at age eleven—showing off that useless genius by running around the capital city.

In the end, Neia finally snapped and pursued her with full seriousness, relying on her continent-class physical abilities, leaving legends behind in the capital—but let's leave that aside.
If only she didn't have such a mischievous habit... though maybe that's just parental bias.

Recently, every time Frena leaves Grangi, Emma becomes extremely vigilant. I feel like even that's going too far...

"Besides pranks, she's gotten into the bad habit of choosing dangerous places to escape after learning acrobatic dances. Running across rooftops and along canal edges with a child's physical abilities... it could lead to irreversible consequences."

"...Yeah."

When Polka's spring water or Breakcore's regenerative therapy can't fix something, it means death. Humans can die from falling down just stairs if they land poorly; children are even more vulnerable.

"We have to stop her before it's too late."

"But... how can we make her stop? Even Neia has said 'It's dangerous, stop doing that' many times."

"Maybe we should let her suffer a little pain..."

"...If it can be kept light, that would be fine."

"...Since we've already seriously angered Neia-san once, anything less won't work. It's hard to keep it 'light.'"

Neia getting angry means something serious... and even worse than that...

"Hmm... Maybe Neia isn't scary anymore because she's always around. So what about someone else? Like, say, getting scolded by someone truly dangerous, like Laila..."

"Would a child who routinely provokes dragons understand the terror of Lady Laila?"

"...I see. So in the end, we just assume dragons will hold back. What about Tetes, or Cosmo-san, or Lady? Someone with a different kind of danger..."

"That's still just the fear of the adult world..."

"Hmm..."

It's hard to find an effective way to scold a child who's grown too accustomed to formidable opponents.

What should I do...?

The solution came from someone unexpected, or rather, inexplicably so: Elenia.

"Just stop letting Frena bother you with those annoying little tricks, right?"

"Well, sort of..."

"Adults try their hardest and still can't handle that kind of thing."

Elenia took on the task with those words.

A few days later, when Frena arrived in Polka, she was caught mid-scheme against the Baron in broad daylight.

"How long are you going to keep doing such lame stuff? You're eleven already—aren't you still a kid?"

She looked down at Frena with icy eyes, giving her full attention.

"U-uh... w-what do you mean? Even you're still..."

"You spent all that time learning proper dances from Mommy Noelle, yet here you are in this backwater village, only capable of childish pranks like a boy. Hmph."

...So it was a strategy to rub each other's noses in their pride after all.

Looking back, I realize I used to view "adults" as a monolithic group. Back then, that was how I saw it.

When someone is just an object of teasing, it hardly matters how powerful or prestigious they are; the difference is negligible.

But this isn't about being "that kind of target." It's about crossing a line and addressing the issue from the child's side.

...As expected, Frena easily fell for Elenia's provocation.

Perhaps partly because, as half-sisters relatively close in age, they were always conscious of each other.

"Polka is even more rural than Grangi! And you're acting all grown-up too, but you're just a dad-obsessed idiot! You're the bigger kid!"

...Hey, watch your mouth, Elen. Judging by your recent behavior, I can't really argue with that.

But Elenia remained unfazed.

"Kids' brains aren't that advanced yet."

"...Mmph, it's annoying... Just because you're a year or two older..."

"I want both boys and girls to stop getting obsessed with such pointless pranks by the time they're six or seven. Seriously, how long are you going to keep this up? Are you being spoiled by your mom?"

"My mom is strict!"

Don't make too much of mothers out of it. Selen's pretty indulgent herself. At least I've never seen her get angry like that.

...It strikes me now, belatedly, that while Polka has an environment where mothers can share responsibilities, Neia is struggling with her teenage daughter. Maybe I should visit Grangi more often.

Even though I occasionally come around, in the end, I have to play both father and mother at the same time.

"Besides... Frena's able to say things like that because she doesn't get enough one-on-one time with Dad."

"W-what..."

"Mom says everyone's saying it, right? Dad is special... and if you truly understand what that means, you won't be able to stay a child anymore... ♪"
Elenia instantly wore an expression of intoxicating allure and arousal, reacting to the faint presence of children.

Frena looked bewildered at Elenia's unreadable demeanor.

"N-what are you talking about? But Dad... I don't even know why he's so popular..."

"That's because you only see that kind of dad. Since you don't understand, you think he's just a carefree lecherous old man, right?"

Elenia leaned in close to Frena and whispered.

"The real Dad... makes Mom Neia, my older sister Aurora, Mom Diane, even the dragons... everyone fall head over heels. He's a man who can make even the strongest women crave motherhood. Have you ever really thought about how rare it is for someone like that to exist right beside us...?"

"U-uh..."

"...Heh-heh. Just as I thought, O-KO-SAMA♪"

"D-Dad isn't supposed to be... that kind of thing! That's weird!"

"The opposite of 'weird' is 'normal.' Dad isn't normal at all. You know that, don't you?"

"But..."

No, no, Elenia...
You're acting just like Selen right now. In that dangerous, seductive way.
Even if it's only a sister by adoption, you can't try to drag her down that path!

Just as I stepped in with a sense of urgency, Selen, Apple, and Anzeros—who had been hiding behind the same wall—along with Neia, a mysterious half-elf group, blocked my way.

"Let Elenia handle this from here, okay? ♪"

"I don't think we've actually touched Elenia yet, Mr. Andy... so how come your understanding of her is so deep?"

"As expected of Selen's daughter... I can't even articulate it myself, yet she describes Andy's charm so vividly."

"My child really is causing trouble... If Mom Neia persuades Elenia-chan as she is, she should calm down a bit."

Everyone seems captivated by Elenia's serpentine rhetoric.

"If things continue like this, won't both Elenia and Frena end up making fatherless mistakes? Won't it feel like we're forcing them to realize something they shouldn't?"

"Mr. Andy is just a weird dad, after all♪"

"There's nothing we can do about it."

"I think if we cast a contraception spell, there won't be any problems."

"If Frena properly becomes a girl... then maybe even making her a female slave wouldn't be too bad."

"Neia, why are you overthinking this?! You absolutely shouldn't say something like that as a parent! And as a wife, it's way out of line!?"

"Because I thought the Flash Sword could at least step in as a substitute father... but it turned out completely useless. It was nothing more than a story-replaying machine."

W-well, I'll try harder as a father from now on. As a father.
...Why can't everyone stop trying to touch my daughter?