Having too many children is a common problem in the countryside. With nothing resembling entertainment around, sex with your wife becomes the sole joy of daily life. Since everyone else sees more workers and heirs as beneficial than not, they encourage you to keep trying as much as you like. And so, before you know it, you end up with a large extended family.
Especially for beastkin, twins and triplets are normal, so after giving birth several times, your family can easily swell to dozens. Isaac’s wife is a pair of beastkin sisters, and his children quickly numbered around twenty—it’s quite a burden, they say. Well, I could have told him to hold back, but that wasn’t really my place to say.
In fact, the cat-beastkin group has become a baby boom. Including those in the Cat Colony, I probably have over two hundred kids of my own—more than doubling from the original colony. I asked Aelina if this was truly safe, and she gave me a rather blunt reply: “There won’t be any trouble raising them. We’ve got dragons too.”
As for food, bored-out Blue Dragons and Silver Dragons take turns stationed near the Cat Colony, helping with monster hunting, so that’s not an issue. Clothing and education are handled through direct trade agreements with the Elven territories, making everything manageable. Once children reach an age where they can understand things, they’re welcomed into our private Polka Academy, taught by Lorrie and others as instructors.
Lorrie admits that cat-beastkin are fickle and demanding, but the teaching staff—elves and dragons with decades to centuries of experience in each field—are exceptionally talented. Some of the little ones have even shown magical aptitude comparable to Aelina’s. Of course, since they don’t share her lifespan, they’ll never quite reach her level in the end.
“This whole situation where almost everyone here is my child… it’s a weird way to put it, but I feel disconnected from it.”
“It means every single one of them knows you’re their dad, right?”
“Yeah, but there are two hundred of them…”
“And besides, that’s not all of them, is it?”
”…Yeah, actually, it isn’t.”
Sighing while standing behind the main hall of Polka Academy with Claudio. Of course, children who haven’t reached an age of reason aren’t allowed in school yet. And although Claudio is only ten, thanks to his mother Hilda’s genes, he’s exceptionally bright—he’s already mastered most core subjects on his own and’s treated like a graduate. What a contrast to Peter, who still spends all his time chasing after breasts.
By the way, the academy operates only during the six winter months when everyone has free time; during summer, students return to their hometowns. Besides cat-beastkin, there are children from elf-like families and even some born to courtesans, plus enrollees from Polka Town and Granchi. But honestly, most of the ones showing up for the opening ceremony are my kids.
Especially the cats—they reliably gather because dragons transport them here. Since this started as an extension of the church temple’s education program, they’ve inherited a laid-back attitude: even if you skip the opening or closing ceremonies, it’s perfectly fine. But attending all sessions doesn’t earn you any medals or special recognition, does it?
There is one benefit though—while enrolled at the academy, lodging and meals are free. Since most of the students are my children anyway, the same arrangement naturally extended to external enrollees too. Half of their accommodation involves helping out at an inn we operate, while the other half stays at Vaper Palace—which is strictly for my kids only.
For the boys, staying completely naked in paradise might be too stimulating, so I strongly recommend them stick to regular lodging. Some argue girls should be okay too, but since the female slaves said, “It’s mostly women anyway, so it should be fine,” I just nodded along. Of course, undressing isn’t mandatory. But cat-beastkin are so naturally laid-back that they end up completely naked without any hesitation.
Looking ahead, maintaining a policy of never doing anything inappropriate with my daughters seems very difficult in this situation. Should I try to negotiate with the Baron or Kristie to set up another inn run by family members? …But expanding our inn business too much might complicate the question of “who exactly am I?”
I’m just a blacksmith—the owner of Smisson’s Arms Shop. And despite that, crossbow teams are still the only ones bringing in work for us.
“Hmm…”
“I’ve always thought you have weird problems, Dad.”
“Well, it’s because I’m such a weird dad… sorry about that.”
Since my parenting style differs so drastically from other fathers, explaining things to my growing children has become increasingly difficult. Recently, I’ve been relying on the excuse: “Well, I’m just a weird dad.” Because I’m a weird dad, having too many moms is unavoidable. Because I’m a weird dad, it’s hard for anyone to understand how I make money. And because I’m a weird dad, making a forty-year-old man sleep with a fifteen-year-old newbie female slave as his ‘mom’… well, no, that part is really painful.
Outwardly, the older female slaves are now considered wives rather than slaves, though they still don’t seem to care much about the distinction. Broadly speaking, anyone in the female slave status who gives birth or makes significant contributions earns the title of ‘wife’ externally. Recently, more female slaves have been added—not intentionally, but somehow they keep increasing.
I really shouldn’t be getting any new pregnant daughters at Aelina’s age… Unfortunately, I can’t hold firm against enthusiastic candidates forever—that’s a bad habit—and ended up conceiving again, complete with a celebration party. Not many of my children seem to accept this with the phrase “Well, it’s just because I’m such a weird dad.”
“I want to be as boastful of a father as possible… but I’m so strange there’s nothing to boast about.”
“Hmm. To me, you’re just an ordinary proud dad.”
“Claudio is such a good kid…”
My heart softened slightly.
But how can a ten-year-old find anything admirable in a father who spends every single day soaking in the hot springs completely naked while dozens of ‘moms’ urinate white streams down his legs? Even thinking about it myself, I can’t come up with any points to be proud of.
“Everyone says you’re legendary among Dark Elves for having stronger sexual desires than grandfathers.”
“Wait. No, um… first of all, who’s ‘everyone’?”
“Moms like Hilda, Cosmos, Mira, Noelle…”
“In Dark Elf culture, telling a ten-year-old something like that…!”
Sex education is way too early.
Actually, I think my past self was way too slow. At ten years old, I didn’t understand real sex and ended up playing ‘natural hand-holding’ with Apple instead. But how can mothers openly tell their ten-year-olds, “Your dad is really good at sex,” explaining the exact meaning? And teaching them about your grandfather’s sexual history too?
“At least in Tark, if you say ‘Andy, the son-in-law of Onyx,’ everyone knows who you’re talking about.” Well, that probably means people will point behind your back.
“I don’t mind the circumstances that led to this situation, but I wouldn’t want you to brag about these things… First and foremost, I’d like you to find charm with just one person at a time.”
Gently patting Claudio’s head as I advised him. Claudio, true to his elven heritage, has delicate features almost indistinguishable from a girl’s. His hair is slightly longer than the average boy’s, so if he dressed as a woman, few would spot him immediately.
Girls tend to like beautiful things regardless. If such a handsome boy grows into a handsome young man, he’ll surely become extremely popular and enjoy a far more privileged youth than I did. But first and foremost, I want him to truly understand the importance of one-on-one relationships. The thought of my own child getting crushed by trying to create a harem like mine immediately is just too much for me to bear.
“Hmm…” Claudio looked troubled after hearing that. You really thought having a harem was basic, huh…?
“Actually, I prefer boys more than girls…”
My son let out a shocking whisper.
”…Eh?”
“Eh, uh, no, I meant somewhat more boys, you know?”
”…Oh, right.”
The father flustered. N-no, think carefully. Think about it properly.
Hilda is now the perfect wife and mother, but she’s originally a dual-wielder. She has plenty of repertoire when it comes to mixing with girls too. Such an open-minded mother wouldn’t deny her son’s preferences in any way. Given how adorable Claudio is, finding a boyfriend shouldn’t be difficult for him anyway. Plus, he said “somewhat”—he’s not uninterested in women at all; his strike zone is just overly broad.
Since I’ve enslaved so many different races as female slaves, who am I to criticize Claudio’s wide range of love?
“P-papa doesn’t… uh, I don’t think you’d do that kind of thing either. Yeah. Our directions are different, but cats go wild during the full moon and end up doing weird things with each other…”
That’s right. Homosexuality isn’t abnormal at all. I’ve seen it around me too. It just happened to be mostly female examples in my vicinity, so I didn’t notice much.
OK. Calm down.
”…Thanks.”
Even while flustered, Claudio smiled at me like an angel for acknowledging my minority sexual preference.
“Ugh… I can just a little bit feel what Hilda’s feeling. Even if Claudie has some preferences that might make you uncomfortable, you wouldn’t say anything cruel to this smile of hers, would you?”
“When it comes to using the hole in her ass, Tettesama taught me plenty about it… and Hildamama said quite a few people in Tark are into it. I’m sure she’ll get a boyfriend pretty soon.”
”…Tettes…”
A complex mixture of emotions arises in the female slaves who have unnecessarily over-prepared the environment for Claudie. Complaining would be awkward, but… ugh.
Among the children lately, the most active one is Frena, Naiya’s daughter. At first, she tried to learn swordsmanship from Naiya but lacked talent. However, after learning dance from Noelle-san and Lukino-san, she began improving rapidly. Her athletic ability is truly inherited from her mother Naiya; she flawlessly traces the lively dark elf dance steps with her small body. That’s good, but…
While she looks like Naiya in appearance, she has grown into a troublesome child who loves pranks: throwing eggs at people, stealing food, and then quickly disappearing into the alleys of the town. Grancy and Polka would be used to this, so there’s still a chance to find her, but even in the capital or Tark, she vanishes in an instant, making it impossible to let one’s guard down. If we searched using the dragons’ hearing, we’d find her immediately, but unfortunately, after being found out several times this way, she learned from the experience and, at just eleven years old, independently developed a magic spell to change her voice. She wasted no time running around the capital to display her pointless genius. In the end, Naiya finally snapped, pursuing her with full seriousness using that continent’s top-tier physical abilities, leaving a legend in the capital… but let’s put that aside for now.
If only she didn’t have that prankish habit, she’d be a good child… or is that just parental bias? Lately, every time Frena leaves Grancy, Emma has become extremely vigilant. Even if you say “it doesn’t need to be this extreme,” one can’t help but feel that way.
“Regardless of pranks, the dangerous places she chooses for escape routes are due to her clumsily learning acrobatic dances. Running around rooftops and water channels with a child’s physical abilities… it could lead to irreversible consequences.”
”…Yeah.”
What’s irreversible even after healing with Polka’s spirit spring or Breakcore’s regenerative treatment? Simply put: death. Humans can die just from falling down stairs if they land badly; children are even more vulnerable.
“We have to make her stop as soon as possible somehow.”
“But, you know… how can I make her stop by telling her? ‘Don’t do it because it’s dangerous,’ is something Mother Naiya has said countless times already.”
“For example, making her actually feel some light pain…”
”…If it can be kept light, that would be fine.”
”…Since we’ve already made Naiya-san really angry once, doing something even worse than that won’t have any effect… It’s hard to keep it ‘light.’”
Naiya getting angry means something very serious happened, you know. Even more so…
“Hmm… Maybe because Naiya is always around, she doesn’t feel scary at all. So maybe someone else… like giving her a scolding from someone truly dangerous, like Laila…”
“Would a child who constantly provokes dragons understand the terror of Lady Laila?”
”…I see. So in the end, you think dragons will hold back? Then maybe give it to Tettes or Cosmos-san or Lady… someone else with a different kind of danger.”
“That’s still just the fear of the adult world…”
“Hmm…”
Finding an effective way to scold a child who’s too used to scary people is quite difficult. What should we do?
It turned out to be an unexpected, well, something like that—Elenia herself who solved this.
“Just stop making those annoying pranks towards Frena, right?”
“Well, yeah…”
“Things like that won’t work even if adults try desperately.”
Elenia said that and took on the task.
A few days later, when Frena came to Polka, she was caught boldly trying to trick a baron in the middle of the town.
“How long are you going to keep doing such boring things? You’re eleven years old already; aren’t you too childish?”
She looked down at Frena with cold eyes, giving her her full attention.
“U… w-what do you want, you’re still…”
“You learned proper feminine dances from Mother Noelle, yet this country bumpkin can only do boyish games. Hah.”
…So the strategy was to tease each other’s pride between children? Thinking about it now, I feel like around that age, we used to view “adults” as a monolithic group. At least back then. When viewed as objects of teasing, no matter how great or impressive someone is, there’s little difference.
But she’s not one of those “objects.” She’s on the other side of the line; if we don’t admonish her from the child’s perspective, it won’t work. …As expected, Frena easily fell for Elenia’s provocation. Perhaps partly because they were half-sisters of relatively similar ages and always aware of each other. “Polka is even more rural than Grancy! Even though you act like an adult, you’re just a simple dad-dog yourself! You’re even more childish!”
…Hey. She’s talking to you, Elenia. Looking at your recent behavior, there’s absolutely no counterargument you can make.
But I thought that, Elenia seemed completely unfazed.
“Kids’ brains only go up to that level anyway.”
”…Ugh, it makes me angry… just because you’re a year or two older!”
“I wish both boys and girls would stop getting lost in these silly pranks by the time they’re six or seven. Seriously, how long are you going to keep doing this? Are you being spoiled by your mother?”
“M-my mom is strict!”
Don’t make mothers too much of a joke. Selen is quite spoiled herself. At least I’ve never seen her get angry. You definitely haven’t either. …Thinking about it now, while Polka’s environment allows mothers to share responsibilities, Naiya seems to be struggling with her teenage daughter. Maybe she should visit Grancy more frequently? Even though I sometimes come by, usually I have to play both father and mother roles simultaneously.
“Besides… since Papa doesn’t really pay attention to me properly, that’s why I can say these things, Frena.”
“Wa…”
“Everyone’s saying it, right? Papa is special… If you truly understand the meaning of that, you won’t be able to act like a child anymore…♪”
Elenia instantly shifted her expression from the usual childish aura to something chillingly alluring and intoxicated, as if sensing the other children nearby.
Frena looked confused at Elenia’s unreadable demeanor.
“W-what are you… talking about? But, Dad… I don’t even know why he’s so popular…”
“That’s because she only sees that kind of Papa. Because she doesn’t understand… she probably thinks he’s just a carefree pervert.”
Elenia leaned in close to Frena and whispered.
“The real Papa… makes Mother Naiya, Aurora-sis, Mother Diane, even the dragons… everyone falls head over heels for him. He’s a man who can make even the strongest women want children. Haven’t you ever really thought about what it means that such a man actually exists nearby…?”
“…h…”
”…Hah hah. After all, he’s an o-ko-sa-ma♪”
“T-thinking of father like that… t-that’s weird…!”
”…The opposite of ‘weird’ is ‘normal.’ Papa isn’t normal at all. You know that, right?”
“But…”
No good. No good, Elenia. You’re acting very much like Selen now. Like when the atmosphere gets dangerous. Even so, don’t try to drag your half-sister down that twisted path.
Feeling a sense of crisis, I tried to step in and stop her, but we were intercepted by another mysterious group of half-elves: Selen, Apple, and Anzolos, who had also hidden behind the same wall.
“Let Elenia handle this here, okay? ♪”
“Andy-san, you haven’t touched Elenia-chan yet, right?… So how can you have such an understanding level.”
“Selen’s daughter is truly impressive… I don’t even have confidence in my own ability to articulate Andy’s charm properly, yet she can speak of it so thoroughly.”
“Our child really causes trouble… If Elenia-chan persuades her as she is now, she should calm down a bit.”
Everyone’s mesmerized by Elenia’s snake-like tongue.
“If this keeps up, we’re gonna end up making both Elenia and Flenna look like absolute father-failures, right? Isn’t that the kind of mistake we should’ve made them feel the full weight of?”
“Andy’s just a weird dad anyway♪”
“Well, there’s nothing we can do about it.”
“I think if we cast contraception magic, we’ll be fine.”
“If Flenna turns out to be properly girly… then maybe we could even treat her like a female slave.”
“No, Neia! You’re really dwelling on this?! That’s something you absolutely shouldn’t say as a parent!! And it’s way over the line even as a husband!?”
“Because I thought Flashlight Sword would step in and act as a father figure for a bit… but it totally didn’t work. It’s nothing more than a story-telling machine.”
I, I really need to try harder as a father. As a father.
…Why won’t everyone stop touching my daughter like that?