Having too many children is a common enough predicament in the countryside.
With nothing resembling entertainment available, the only joy in daily life lies in sexual dalliance with one’s wives. The surrounding villagers see no harm in encouraging them to their heart’s content, given the abundance of laborers and heirs.
Consequently, sprawling households spring up in no time at all.
Particularly among beastkin, where twins and triplets are par for the course, bearing children repeatedly swiftly results in families numbering dozens.
Isaac’s situation is dire; since his wife is a pair of beastkin sisters, he soon found himself with roughly twenty offspring, a burden he admits is immense. Yet I could hardly admonish him to “hold back.”
Indeed, the feline beastkin colony has already entered a baby boom.
Including those within the Cat Colony itself, my own children likely number over two hundred, more than doubling the original population of the colony.
When I voiced my genuine concerns to Irina, asking if we could truly manage this, she dismissed them with rather crude words: “No need to worry about raising them all. There are dragons on hand for that.”
Regarding food, idle blue and silver dragons rotate duty patrolling near the Cat Colony, assisting in monster-hunting to ensure supplies are adequate.
As for clothing and education, direct trade with Elf Territory has been established, allowing for flexible accommodation. Children who have reached an age of understanding are welcomed into a private Polka Academy taught by Lorrie’s staff.
While Lorrie admits the feline beastkin are capricious and difficult as rumors suggest, her faculty of elves and dragons, each possessing decades to centuries of expertise in their respective fields, are exceptionally competent. Indeed, among the kittens has appeared one displaying magical aptitude rivaling even Irina’s own.
Though I suspect that lifespan disparity will ultimately prevent anyone from surpassing Irina, regardless of their talent.
“The fact that nearly everyone here is my child… a strange way to put it, but the reality feels hollow.”
“I suppose none of them are children your father doesn’t know about?”
“That’s true, but still… two hundred people, man.”
“Besides, this isn’t even everything, is it?”
”…Yeah, you’re right.”
Standing with Claudio in the shadows behind Polka Academy’s auditorium, I sighed wearily.
Of course, those too young to grasp their surroundings wouldn’t attend school. And while Claudio is merely ten years old, being Hilda’s son means his intellect far outstrips his peers; he has already mastered the core subjects through self-study and is treated as a graduate.
How different from Peter, who continues to chase only breasts without a care in the world.
By the way, the academy operates only during the six winter months when everyone is idle, closing for the summer so students can spend time in their homelands. It attracts children of elves and the offspring of courtesans, not just felines, drawing enrollees from Polka townsmen and Grandge as well.
Still, those showing up for the opening ceremony are almost exclusively my own children.
Especially the cats gather reliably, brought by dragons; moreover, having started as an extension of the church’s educational outreach, they maintain a loose attitude, believing attendance at opening or closing ceremonies is optional anyway.
Though receiving full instruction brings no medals or honors—it hardly matters in the grand scheme.
On the other hand, there is a tangible benefit: lodging and meals are free while attending. Since my children constitute the vast majority of students, this policy inadvertently extended to external enrollees as well.
Half of their accommodation involves assisting at an inn we manage ourselves; the other half is staying at the Vaper Palace—but that wing is strictly limited to my own progeny.
For the boys, a fully nude paradise might prove too stimulating, so I strongly urge them to stay at the inn instead. While some argue girls should be treated differently, our female slaves replied, “It’s mostly women here anyway, so shouldn’t it be fine?” prompting me to nod along. Of course, undressing is not mandatory.
However, given the feline beastkin’s carefree nature, they tend to strip naked without a second thought in any case.
In terms of upholding our policy of “no inappropriate acts with my daughters,” this current situation feels terribly problematic. Should I leverage connections with the Baron and Kristi to establish another inn run by family members?
…But expanding the inn business too greatly risks entangling me in questions about who exactly I am.
After all, I am a blacksmith. The owner of Smison Arms. Business there remains stagnant, receiving almost no work from anyone outside the Crossbow Corps.
“Hmm…”
“I’ve always thought this, but Dad has quite the strange set of worries.”
“Only because I’m such a weird dad… sorry about that.”
With my lifestyle differing so drastically from other fathers’, explaining myself to maturing children proves difficult, leading me recently to rely on the excuse, “I’m just a strange dad.”
Being a weird dad means there’s nothing wrong with having too many moms. Being weird explains why you might not understand how I earn my living.
And if being a weird dad allows making a newly arrived female slave of about fifteen years old my “mom”… well, that’s pushing it even for me.
Officially, long-standing females are no longer classified as slaves but as wives, yet even now, they rarely cling to that distinction.
Broadly speaking, there is the status of female slave; upon bearing children or contributing sufficiently to be recognized as “adult,” one earns the external title of “wife.”
Recently, however, the number of female slaves continues to increase—despite my lack of intent to expand them, they keep multiplying on their own.
Honestly, I shouldn’t be getting pregnant again with someone of Elenia’s age. But unfortunately, my bad habit is that whenever I’m facing down a proactive one, I can’t hold my ground forever. So I ended up impregnating her before I could even stop myself, and now they’re throwing a congratulatory party for it. Honestly, out of all the kids around, only a few seem to accept me thinking, “Well, this is just you being such a weird dad; there’s nothing we can do about it.”
“I really want to be so proud of myself as a dad…”, I muttered. “But, um… maybe it’s just too over the top to really boast about?!”
“Hm… well, from my perspective, you’re totally a source of pride, dad.”
“Clau is such a good kid…”
My heart gives a little pang.
But seriously, how can a 10-year-old possibly find any good qualities in their father who’s naked every single day, soaking in hot springs while dangling white pee from dozens of mommas’ skirts? When I think it through myself, I can’t imagine anything that would make someone proud.
“Everyone keeps saying that among the Dark Elves, claiming a guy has stronger sex drives than your grandfather is basically legendary status…”
“Hold on… wait, hold on. For a second, who exactly are ‘everyone’ talking about?”
“Hilda Mama, Cosmos Mama, Mira Mama, Noelle Mama…”
“In the Dark Elf cultural sphere, telling a 10-year-old that much stuff like THAT is way too much!”
Sex ed was coming WAY too early for you. Or maybe, thinking back, I was the one who was lagging way behind? When I was ten, I didn’t even understand what actual sex meant, so Apple basically left me high and dry with my natural awkwardness.
But seriously, how can these moms just casually tell a 10-year-old that their dad has super-strong sex drives or explain the details about grandpa’s sex life? “At least in Tarqu, if you say ‘Andy the Son-in-Law of Onyx’, everyone knows him,” Clau said.
I think she means that type of “if you say it, people will point and laugh behind your back.”
“I understand where this started, but I really don’t want to hear you boast about stuff like that… What I mean is, first off, please make sure to find out what attraction is all about just between two people.” I patted Clau’s head repeatedly while lecturing him.
Claudius has the face of an Elf-type male child, beautiful enough that he might easily be mistaken for a girl. Since his hair is a bit longer than the average boy, very few would probably figure it out if he dressed as a woman.
Anyway, girls are creatures who just like beautiful things. If such a handsome boy becomes a handsome young man, surely he’ll become incredibly popular and live a much more favored youth than I ever did. But first and foremost, he needs to truly understand the basics of pairing off with just one person.
Having my own child suddenly go out trying to create a big harem like mine right away and getting their ass handed to them by some bimbos… that is far too much for me to accept.
“Hmm…” Claudius frowned slightly upon hearing those words. So you thought a harem was the basic way things worked from the get-go, did you?
“Actually, I think girls are more like… boys…”
My child let out a stunningly shocking whisper.
”…Eh?”
“Eh, uh, no, wait… actually, I think I meant boys or something?”
”…Oh, okay.”
A flustered father. N-N-nope. Think about this. Think it through. Lady Hilda is currently a perfect wife and motherly figure, but originally she’s a two-sword wielder in all senses. She’s well-versed in the repertoire of messing around with girls too.
That generous worldview of that mother wouldn’t ever deny her son’s preferences, no matter what. If Clau is as cute as he is, surely it shouldn’t be difficult for him to find a boyfriend. Besides, it’s “somewhat more like…”. It doesn’t mean he has zero interest in girls at all. He’s just got a slightly wider range of strike zones than you would expect.
I am the very one who keeps this alien race, normally creatures I couldn’t ever casually lay my hands on, as many female slaves as possible. So how can I criticize Claudius’ broad direction of love?
“P-Papa is… um, yeah, he’s not into that… thing either. Yes, well, Papa and I are different in terms of direction, but cats get so horny during the full moon that they end up doing erotic stuff with their own gender too…”
That’s right. Homosexuality isn’t abnormal at all. We have people like that close by ourselves. I just didn’t notice it around me because, coincidentally, most of the examples in my circle were female ones.
OK. It’s settled now.
”…Thanks.” Claudius showed a smile like an angel, acknowledging my minority sexual preferences even while he was still flustered.
“Ugh… I get a little of what Hilda feels here. Even if Claudio has his quirks, you can’t say cruel things to someone with that smile.”
“As for using the backside, Tetes Mom told me all sorts of stuff about it… and Hil-da Mom once said there’s actually quite a few folks in Talk who think it’s fine. So I’m sure we’ll end up getting a boyfriend one of these days.”
”…Tetes…”
A complex tide of emotions rises within the female slaves who have gone overboard trying to make Claudio’s surroundings perfect for him.
“It’d be silly to complain… ugh.”
Among the children lately, Frena—Neia’s daughter—is particularly vivacious.
At first, she tried learning swordsmanship from Neia but showed little talent; however, after taking dance lessons with Noor-san and Luchino, she began to improve spectacularly.
Her agility is certainly a gift inherited from her mother, as the nimble Dark Elf traces those lively dance steps flawlessly with her small frame.
Well, that’s nice, but…
While she looks just like Neia, she has grown into an annoying little troublemaker who loves pranks: throwing eggs at people, stealing food, and then dashing off to hide in the alleyways of the city before anyone can catch her.
Grangy or Polka might be able to keep up and find her with some ease, but if she vanishes in the Capital or Talk, she’s gone before you can even draw a breath.
Though dragons’ hearing would surely locate her in no time, unfortunately, after being found out by this method several times, she learned from it and came up with her own spell to change her voice at age eleven—a wasteful display of genius that led her running all through the Capital just to prove how talented she was.
And ultimately, Neia, finally losing her temper, pursued her in deadly earnest using continent-class physical abilities, leaving legends behind in the Capital. But let’s not dwell on that.
If only it weren’t for this prankster streak, she’d be a good child… though maybe that’s just parental bias.
Lately, whenever Frena leaves Grangy, Emma grows increasingly vigilant, and honestly, they’re going too far…
“Pranks aside, she’s gotten into the bad habit of using dangerous places as escape routes because she foolishly picked up acrobatic dancing. With her physical abilities, she’d run across rooftops and along waterways… which could end up becoming irreversible.”
”…Yeah.”
To say something became irreversible even after Polka’s Spirit Spring or Breakcore’s regenerative treatment was to say death itself. Humans can die from a simple fall down stairs if they land just wrong; it’s certainly worse for children.
“We have to find some way to make her stop this soon!”
“But come on… how do we actually make her quit? ‘Dangerous, so stop it!’ is something Neia has probably told her dozens of times.”
“What if we actually made things slightly painful for her…”
”…That’d be great if it was something minor…”
“Since she’s already genuinely angered Neia once, doing nothing worse than that won’t mean anything… It’s hard to keep it ‘light,’ you know?”
Neia gets angry only when something really serious happens. If anything worse occurs…
“Hmm… maybe because Neia interacts with her so much, Frena isn’t even scared of her? How about having another… like someone truly dangerous, say Lyra, scold her…”
“How can a child who routinely pokes dragons understand the sheer terror of Lady Lyra?”
”…I see. So in the end, she thinks dragons will hold back. Then maybe against someone else with a different kind of threat—like Tetes or Cosmos-san or Lady…”
“That’s still just the fear of the adult world…”
“Hmm…”
It’s hard to find an effective way to make this child feel fear, given how accustomed she is to terrifying beings.
What should we do about this…?
The one who solved it was, unexpectedly enough—or however you’d put it—Elenia.
“We just need to stop Frena from doing those gross pranks, right?”
“Well, yeah…”
“That sort of thing doesn’t work no matter how hard adults try.”
Elenia said this and took the challenge on.
Then a few days later, when Frena came to Polka, she boldly spotted her attempting some elaborate mischief in the middle of the town square.
“How long are you going to keep doing such tacky stuff? Aren’t you too childish for someone your age? You’re eleven!”
She cast down upon Frena with a look as cold as ice, giving it her all.
“Huh… n-n-no, what are you talking about, you too still…”
“After going through the trouble of learning a proper woman’s dance from Mommy Noel, this country bumpkin girl can only do boyish games, heh?”
…A strategy to rub each other’s egos? It strikes me now that back then, I used to lump everything under “adults” as one category. At that age… When you see someone merely as an object for teasing, it hardly matters how powerful or impressive they might be. She’s not “an object like that.” She drew the line on my side and won’t let me push past it unless I apologize properly.
…As expected, Frena took Elenia’s provocation right into her trap. Probably partly because they’re relatively close in age as half-sisters, naturally aware of one another. “Polka is even more country than Grandge! And you might act all grown-up, but you’re nothing but a daddy’s girl! You’re the real kid!”
…Hey, watch it, Eli. Looking at what you’ve been doing lately, I can’t really argue back.
But Elenia was completely cool about it.
“Kids only grow up to that level of thinking.”
”…Hmph… I-it’s annoying… just because we’re older by one or two years…”
“I wish boys and girls both stopped getting obsessed with childish mischief around six or seven. Seriously, how much longer are you going to go on like this? Are you still being pampered by Mom?”
“M-mom is strict about it!”
Don’t make such a big deal out of the moms, please. Selen’s pretty spoiled herself. At least I’ve never seen her losing her temper… at you, anyway.
…It just now occurred to me that while Neia struggles with her puberty, she has a supportive Polka environment where mothers can share burdens together. Maybe I should be visiting Grandge more often.
Even though I drop by sometimes, usually the father role and mother role are both on my shoulders simultaneously.
“Besides… since Daddy doesn’t take time to really pay attention to me, that’s why I can say things like that, Frena…”
“W-what?!”
“Do everyone else tell you? That Daddy is special… And once you truly understand that meaning, you won’t be able to act like a kid anymore…♪”
Elenia instantly wore an expression of sensuality and intoxication on her face, completely detached from the childish vibe around them.
Frena looked utterly confused at Elenia’s unreadable demeanor.
“W-what are you talking about? B-but… I don’t even understand why people find Dad so attractive…”
“Because that’s all you’ve seen of him. Because you don’t understand… You probably think he’s just a goofy, lecherous old man, right?”
Elenia leaned in close to whisper at Frena.
“The real Dad is a man who makes everyone fall head over heels—Neia-Mama, sister Aurora, Mom Diane, and even the dragons. A man so magnetic that no matter how strong a woman you are, you end up wanting kids with him… Did you ever really stop to consider that such a man actually exists nearby…?”
”…………”
”…Heh. See? This is definitely what a coo-ssan is, ♪”
“C-calling my father… like that… that’s wrong!”
“The opposite of ‘wrong’ is ‘normal.’ Dad isn’t normal at all. You know that, don’t you?”
“But…”
This isn’t good. This isn’t good, Eli.
You’re starting to look just like Selen again. The kind of scary vibe you had before.
No matter what, don’t try to drag off-duty half-sister Elenia down this particular path.
Just as I stepped in with a growing sense of crisis, Selen and Apple—who were hiding behind the same wall—along with Anzeros and the mysterious half-elf Neia, intercepted me.
“We’ll leave this up to Sister Elenia, okay? ♪”
“I know you haven’t touched her yet, Mr. Andy… So how is your understanding so accurate?”
“What a child of Selen she is. Even I can’t quite articulate what’s going on with such confidence, yet here she manages to describe Andy’s charm so perfectly.”
“My daughter is truly causing trouble… If Elenia-chan can persuade her while things are like this, she should calm down soon enough.”
Everyone’s entranced by Elenia’s serpentine rhetoric, but… “With this current flow, won’t we end up making her and Frena look like they’ve abandoned their fatherhood? It feels less like a lesson they need to learn and more like just making the point painfully obvious?”
“Oh, Mr. Andy is certainly a strange kind of dad♪”
“It’s unavoidable, isn’t it?”
“I think contraception spells would solve all the problems.”
“If Frena can become a proper girl… then we could even treat her as a female slave.”
“No way! Why does Neia need to dwell on this?! You absolutely shouldn’t say something like that as a parent! And even as a wife, it’s pretty out of bounds!!”
“But if I thought the Flashing Sword might at least substitute for a father… well, it turned out totally useless… it was nothing more than a story-replaying machine.”
I should try harder to be a better dad. As a father.
…Why can’t everyone stop trying to get their hands on my daughter?
Everyone is captivated by Elenia’s viperous rhetoric, but… “With things heading this way, won’t we end up making both Ellie and Frena look like they’ve failed in their roles as mothers? It feels less like a lesson for them to learn and more like just laying on the punishment?”
“Oh, Mr. Andy is certainly an unconventional father♪”
“There’s no avoiding it, is there?”
“I think if we use contraception magic, it won’t be a problem.”
“If Frena can become properly girlish… then we could even treat her as a female slave.”
“No way! Why does Neia need to obsess over this?! You absolutely shouldn’t say something like that as a parent! And even as a wife, it’s pretty unacceptable!!”
“But if I thought the Flashing Sword might at least step in as a father substitute… well, it turned out completely useless… it was nothing more than a device that just repeats old stories.”
I really should try harder to be a better dad. As a father.
…Why can’t everyone stop trying to get their hands on my daughter?