As I’ve confirmed countless times, my life has essentially become a year-round preparation for festivals.
After all, I owe debts to too many places. Even though Basson probably considers himself unrelated anymore—(I still have plenty of friends, so he does come over when invited, but he’s no longer part of my community)—the communities that still need me are Polka, Grunge, the Karlwin region, Elven Lands, Lennest, the Cat Colony, Tark in the Capital, and the port city of Sithar. Even if a festival at any single location happens only once or twice a year, with this many obligations, simple math tells me something is going on every single month. Now, the festivals in the Capital draw such massive crowds that blending in requires serious resolve (it’s one thing if I’m alone, but bringing along female slaves or children feels far too risky), and honestly, I’m there mostly to back up all the efforts of the Sylphid Trading Company rather than doing anything myself. Strictly speaking, on festival days I just hide out at the Neumann household without actually accomplishing much. If Lyra and Anzeros pitch in together, there’s no reason to worry. For the other communities’ festivals, however, I must inevitably get involved as either a host or an organizer, which makes schedule management a nightmare. Of course, since my actual jobs are sex work and smithing, those administrative skills remain hopelessly mediocre, so I rely heavily on managers like Ms. Diane, Christie, and Ms. Cosmos to keep things running, somehow managing through sheer force of borrowed strength.
Lately, more and more children are stepping up to help with festival preparations.
“Shouldn’t these materials be enough for Grunge’s founding festival next month? In the worst-case scenario, we’d have to gather them all in an emergency via the Dragon Legion again.”
“They should be, right? Look at these numbers…”
“You can’t touch those figures! Half of it’s already reserved for the Art Festival.”
“The Art Festival… Oh, oh! The one from last year! Are they doing it again this year?”
“Thinking about it means we can’t afford to have any surplus left over. If the Dragons end up collecting everything by hand, I’ll be forced to go charm the Crystal again to smooth things over with Papa.”
Hilda’s son, Claudio, is already showing signs of being good with numbers, taking charge of checking material quantities and helping maintain ledgers after being entrusted by the Maid Corps.
Of course, even though we have the flexibility to stretch limits a bit with help from the Elven Lands, the Dragons, Onyx, or Sylphid in an absolute emergency, it’s always better not to find ourselves rushing at the last minute.
“Claudio probably wants to play when there’s a festival.”
“I actually can’t enjoy myself until I’ve made sure there’s no room for worry. Once we realize our plans are conflicting, it becomes unavoidable.”
Claudo sketches new documents with his engraving pen, recording projected inventory movements in neat strokes.
Though he’s not using it for actual engraving, the moment I lent it to him earlier, it seemed so comfortable in his hands that he genuinely fell in love with it, so I officially gave it as a present just recently. While its composition of a Breakcore horn and mana-concentrated nib is the same as the one I crafted in my youth, after making several iterations, both the design and balance have improved significantly, making it much easier to write with.
That said, for mere general writing purposes, the materials are still too extravagant, so I’m thinking I should craft something more appropriately sized using wood from the Elven Lands soon. Once people know its true value, they might even try to steal it.
“Claudio’s just too neurotic. He needs to live a bit more openly, or he’ll be miserable.”—that was what Mom Hilda said herself.
Peter, meanwhile, who has grown utterly boisterous and cheerful, is puffing out his chest with pride.
He spends his days getting up to all sorts of mischief, relying on the fact that due to being a Half-Dwarf, he still looks young enough to get away with it.
Though being reclusive and introverted isn’t good either… thinking that too much negativity wouldn’t be wise either, he possesses a cunning ability to avoid doing anything so vile that it would require him to ask a violent female slave for corporal punishment—a level of mischief that’s almost perfect. In a sense, he is very much my son.
If I’d never left the Capital and remained raised solely in Polka, I too must have grown up into such a wily little brat.
Thinking back on my youth, both the harsh apprenticeship and life as a soldier were absolutely necessary for acquiring today’s social skills.
“Peter is far too open-minded. Maybe we should send him away for some training…”
“Tra-i-nin-g?! Dad, why are you suddenly bringing this up!”
“I started out in Polka when I was ten and went to the Capital for my own training. Back then, we couldn’t use Dragons like now, so the trip back and forth took three weeks each way. Even if I hated it, I couldn’t just return easily, which taught me patience, cooperation, and all sorts of other things…”
“But the Capital is where Half-breeds like me get picked apart! It’s not training or anything!”
“That’s nonsense. Dwarves are generally respected in the smithing circles, so maybe you could be quite popular in the Capital after all.”
“So, so… yeah? Hee hee.”
He’s cunning yet fundamentally simple-minded, and his tendency to jump at convenient opportunities is somewhat cute in a childish way.
But the Capital has its own issues. If we’re talking about leaving him under Slither Workshop again… The master himself is already over eighty. Though he still takes baths at the Spirit Springs once every half-year and remains quite vigorous.
It feels like the Baron’s family has moved into the next generation. By the time I returned, the young Barons who were still just children have grown into handsome youths now, and many of the greeting duties that the Baron used to handle are frequently being taken over by his son, Daniel. His daughters have each been wed to noble families they met through the Capital University. When we tried to bring congratulatory gifts, it immediately sparked a back-and-forth dispute where they insisted that “such things should actually be provided by our side,” until finally Irina stepped in with “Well, well, well, under the name of our White Clan,” and only then did they reluctantly accept them. Now, since Daniel has reached marriageable age, he too must start searching for a bride, but it seems this is proving quite difficult. “If I honestly say there’s a Dragon Palace less than two kilometers from our estate in marriage negotiations, it basically gets rejected every time.” “So sorry.”
Vaper Palace is the genuine article—a dragon palace that even the dragons themselves endorse.
There’s apparently an old noble custom against marrying into families close to a dragon palace.
Given the Dragon War a century back, it makes sense—their habitats being nearby means you could get incinerated in one of their whimsical moods. That’s just general consensus.
“I can’t really reassure you that dragon palaces aren’t scary…”
“That would be difficult.”
”…Yeah. I overstepped.”
A non-scary dragon palace is as contradictory as a benevolent murderer—generally speaking.
“Because of this, I’m also considering marrying outside the circle.”
“You mean… outside the family?”
“Not forbidden at all. Back in the day, it was tricky, but now Polka is an autonomous zone. Bigamy’s acceptable and all that.”
“Ah, right… so I don’t need to strictly pick a high-ranking lady since she won’t be left alone?”
“Plus, the internal caste hierarchy here holds little actual authority.”
As Daniel pointed out, Polka hasn’t yet shed its status as a vassal state.
On top of that, as an autonomous zone with extraterritorial rights hosting many foreigners, Polkan nobles don’t necessarily wield strong social standing.
So if this successor to the region’s leadership chooses to exercise the freedoms granted to them, I doubt it could be considered wrongdoing.
“That brings me to my actual question.”
“Yeah?”
I had been puzzled about why Daniel summoned me and started with small talk like, “You’re old enough for a wife now; don’t wait or you’ll end up like Lanz,” but it seems we jumped straight into the main point.
“Do you know any suitable half-elf women?”
“Already specified ‘half-elf’? What gave you that idea?”
“Purebloods leave me somewhat uneasy about keeping my bloodline intact, so… having human heritage would be better…”
…Technically sound reasoning, yet feels like ancient history.
Half-elves had long been cast aside as objects for fleeting pleasures, rarely accepted by anyone, and now nobles are seeking them? Come on…
“But don’t pureblood elves often treat half-elves like ‘bastards’ within their own families? Wouldn’t washing away that stigma during marriage negotiations be a pain?”
“Well, if you’re motivated enough, anything goes.”
Daniel smirked while running his fingers through the goatee he’d grown imitating a baron’s style. Despite his youth, he carried himself with noble airs.
Fear of nobility strikes again.
“To be honest, women raised here in Polka don’t hold much allure for outsiders on other lands. Elves are simply too beautiful.”
“Fair enough.”
I was cursed by Apple to fall head over heels for them as well.
Seeking women of that caliber in the capital or Basson proves difficult. More than that, compared to the clean, health-glowing ladies of Polka, the pampered beauties of the capital feel cloyingly perfumed and unbearable.
Plus, half-elves surprisingly often have fuller chests—the one area where elves fall short—and somehow that’s a plus.
“Understood. …Though I’m surprised you’d ask me about this.”
”? You should talk to Smayson regarding elves or half-elves; even my father suggested it…”
“No, because the goal here is marriage! I don’t want some untested girl dropped off on me like a hand-me-down. …Look, I may be humble-bragging, but anyone who knows me would say I’m drawn to women, touch them, and bring them to bed.”
“Well…”
”…Right, no use complaining. Yeah.”
If not Daniel, then who? Who do I ask when I need a half-elf girl introduced—and preferably a virgin?
The pureblood elves who’ve long shunned them are out of the question, and the half-elves themselves lack strong lateral networks among each other.
Moreover, if someone capable of influencing their lives strongly were to make an approach, the pool would narrow drastically. Without holding considerable power, one simply cannot arrange life-changing matches like arranged marriages on their own.
“Just give it my best shot. We probably won’t find anything right away, but I’ve been helped a lot by the baron’s household myself.”
“Thank you very much.”
Daniel offered me his polite thanks, and it gave me a strangely uncomfortable feeling.
After all, I’m just one of the common folk who happens to be on familiar terms with the Baron—I should really be bowing my head lower than this. Come to think of it now.
In any case:
“I want to look for the next Baroness in Granje and the hidden village.”
“Are there virgins in Granje?”
Selen hit me deadpan, calling me out flatly.
…I glanced awkwardly over at Neia.
Neia, like Selen, was laughing helpfully while breastfeeding our newborn second daughter.
“Most daughters who are of age for sex have either already made lovers in Granje or were taken care of by your own hands, yes?”
”…………No, no… I never meant to plan on everyone screwing every cock; sure, some actually ended up like that.”
“If there were more than fifteen, I’d say you could normally call it that. In fact, if they were being held by Smaysom, you couldn’t avoid getting thrown away anyway, so those with no particularly strong will probably just fell into it. Plus, half-elves have a tendency to get hooked deeper the more their feelings are stirred.”
”…I didn’t realize there’d been over fifteen of them…”
“Those are the numbers I’m keeping track of; there could be more besides. I haven’t counted those two or three gray-area cases where you couldn’t quite say black or white either.”
“Andy always turns everything into a harem, wherever he goes.”
“Eh? Eh?”
Did I really lay my hands on that many? Well, there are surely several who keep coming to bed with me every time we stay the night… uh, two threesomes, one group of four, plus a few singles… Hmm? Seems like quite a number after all.
”…Damn it. I got carried away screwing too much.”
“It’s not like that’s a bad thing, is it? Not releasing is painful too, you know.”
“No! I’m not some pathetic monster who would break down without having sex!”
“On the contrary, I want you to be that kind of monster when it comes to sex. In fact, I’d prefer you spend your boredom setting ‘Who am I screwing today?’ as your top priority.”
“That feels wrong on a human level.”
“There are plenty of women who can take a hit, so there’s no time for other stuff anyway! Instead of acting weird and doing questionable rough business like that, I want you just to bury yourself among the girls and cum normally! After all, isn’t living itself a miracle when you think back on everything that’s happened!”
“You’ve been projecting those reckless memories from over ten years ago onto me this whole time?! There’s no way some guy in his forties can pull off the same nonsense anymore!”
“But look at Lord Bonaparte and that bald man of Renfangas—they’re just enjoying an easy, highly effective comeback even after becoming gramps. People who do it keep doing it no matter how old they get.”
“Don’t think of me as someone who recklessly acts young for his age!”
“There’s absolutely nothing to back that up; I think if you turn your back for a moment, he’ll just do it. So please use your free time to have sex! By the way, while you’re at it, let everyone else handle most of the rough business.”
“Recently I kept thinking nothing weird was happening no matter where we went… until now that I realize you’re giving orders like that…?”
“Well, surely you were counting on something happening!”
At least as a mindset. After all, if we truly are mobilizing a major force of combatants, things won’t be resolved just with “oh-oh-oh” when something actually happens.
“Andy, please keep screwing whenever you’re free and try to make babies—that’s what will make everyone happiest.”
“It’s a line every man would love to hear once in his life, but actually getting told it feels complicated…”
“I’ve got a lot of goosebumps thinking about it already! There are hundreds of daughters who want children; they really have no time to sleep!”
“Come to think of it, if there’s no spiritual spring left, we’re staring down starvation and early death right now.”
“Don’t worry—the spiritual spring is here, so we’re fine♪”
Also, under this method, if a candidate bride for young Master Daniel is found, there’s a very high risk of accidentally shooting off in the sexual sense.
“Papa♪ Soon it’ll be my turn to want kids too… We do parent-hip stacking quite often; wouldn’t you like to try comparing mother and child milk tasting sometime soon?”
“Elenia, have you been playing properly outside from time to time? Has your vocabulary not been polluted by Kay-chan lately? By ‘Kay-chan,’ I mean that perverted maid unit.”
“Papa who wants to drag out a depraved, lustful girl like this outside… well, only Andy does that. Oh, in the sense of conditioning? Someone who’s forced to wear something even more shameful than being naked outside?”
“Hey Selen, your daughter’s pretty full on cerebral fluid. That’s not good now, is it?”
“My own daughter~♪ By the way, I haven’t been doing that recently, but she’s giving me all sorts of training-style treatment and says it’s okay~♪ Walking naked in full view with a neck collar alongside Ellet~…”
“I think you should make my collar first.”
These depraved mother and daughter go on and on with screwed-up remarks, even inside the Naked Paradise known as Vaper Palace.
Neia was taken aback a bit, really. But if she were told to do it… she’d probably try it.
After mulling over it for a while, something suddenly hit her. She approached Floria, Naris’s daughter, and asked, “Will you marry Daniel when you grow up?” She’s a half-elf with no mind twisted by Vape. She looks super cute and has a cheerful personality. She’s still young, but in another ten years or so… For now, I think an engagement is fine. Isn’t that a nice idea? So she thought—
“Eh? At my place, you marry Dad, right…”
“How can you say ‘at my place’ like that…?”
“Everyone the older girls said, ‘We’ve got rules like that.’”
“Wait, but isn’t that weird? Because Dad married Mom.”
“If I asked Mom, she’d say something changed like, ‘It’s okay, no way.’”
”…I’m pretty sure there was a hell of a long time between her answering that.”
Naris’s troubled look seemed to warp visibly.
A few days later, when I went to see Daniel again, he’d just gotten engaged via thunder-marriage to that fox-beast girl who came soaking from hot springs with Celesta. “Because she was so cute…” That’s really what you want to do?