Having too many kids to be a hassle…… that’s a common story in the countryside.
With nothing resembling entertainment available, the only daily pleasure is screwing my wives. The locals don’t mind either; since there are always enough candidates for workers or heirs, they’re happy to let them keep going at it as long as they want.
Naturally, huge families pop up before you know it.
Beastkin, in particular, routinely have twins or triplets, so after a few births, families can easily reach the double digits.
Isaac’s place is particularly chaotic because his wives are beastkin sisters; apparently, he ended up with around twenty kids in no time flat. It’s not my place to tell him to tone it down, though.
Actually, the cat-beastkin group has hit a real baby boom.
Counting the Cat Colony, I wouldn’t be surprised if I had over two hundred kids of my own already. The original Cat Colony has more than doubled in size.
I consulted Irina on whether we could really keep this up, and she gave me a rather careless response: “There’s no way we can’t take care of them. We have dragons, after all.”
As for food, the idle Brood Dragons and Silver Dragons rotate shifts garrisoning the area around the Cat Colony to support monster hunting, so that’s covered.
Clothing and education are handled easily as well, thanks to direct trade agreements with the Elven territories. Once children reach an age where they understand things, they’re enrolled in my private Polka Academy, where Laurens and others serve as instructors.
According to Laurens, cat-beastkin are fickle and a pain just as the rumors said. However, the faculty consists of elves and dragons with decades to centuries of experience in their respective fields, making them exceptionally competent. In fact, some of the kittens are even showing magical aptitudes that rival Irina’s own.
Then again, they don’t have her lifespan, so I imagine they’ll eventually fall short.
“Having nearly all of them be my kids…… it’s a weird way to put it, but I don’t really feel the weight of it.”
“It’s not like there are any kids around who aren’t yours, right?”
“I guess not. But two hundred is—”
“And that’s not even everything, is it?”
“……Yeah, that’s exactly it.”
Claudio and I stood at the back of the Polka Academy auditorium, staring out at the scene with a sigh.
Naturally, toddlers who haven’t developed a sense of self don’t come to the academy. And although Claudio is only ten years old, he’s truly his mother Hilda’s son; his intelligence stands out so much that he’s already self-studied the main lecture subjects and is treated as a graduate.
He’s miles ahead of Peter, who still can’t stop chasing after breasts.
Incidentally, the academy is open only for the six months of winter (when everyone has free time); in summer, everyone goes back to their hometowns. It’s not just cats—elf-blooded kids and children born to prostitutes attend too, along with students from Polka town and even Granz.
Still, when it comes to the opening ceremony, it’s mostly my kids who show up.
Particularly since the dragons bring the cats directly, ensuring they’re all there. Also, because the academy started as an extension of the church’s educational outreach, we’ve inherited a lax attitude: if you don’t show up for the start or end-of-term ceremonies, that’s fine too.
Then again, just because you attend every single one doesn’t mean you get a medal or anything, so I suppose it makes sense.
There is a benefit, though: while enrolled, accommodation and meals are free. Since most of my children attended anyway, the arrangement ended up extending to external students as well.
As for lodging, half the kids stay at the inn I run (helping out there counts as part of their stay), while half stay at Viper Palace. Naturally, the Palace is reserved exclusively for my children.
I strongly recommend the inn for the boys, since the Naked Paradise is probably too intense a stimulus. I know some might ask if that’s okay for the girls, but the female slaves said, “It’s mostly women anyway, so it should be fine,” and I just nodded along. Of course, nudity isn’t mandatory.
But cat-beastkin don’t really care about propriety, so they usually end up naked without a shred of hesitation.
Looking ahead to maintaining my policy of “I will never do anything dirty with my daughters,” this situation feels extremely bad. Should I reach out to the Baron or Kristy to open another family-run inn?
……But if I expand inn management too much, it ties into the issue of “who exactly am I?”
I’m a blacksmith. The owner of Smisson Arms. It’s true that work has been dry from anyone outside the Crossbow Corps.
“Hmm……”
“I always think you have a lot of weird worries, Papa.”
“You’re right. I’m a weird dad…… my bad.”
Because my fathering style is so drastically different from everyone else’s, explaining things to my older kids often causes me trouble. Lately, I’ve been using the excuse “I’m just a weird dad” quite a bit.
Since I’m a weird dad, it makes sense that I have too many moms. Since I’m a weird dad, it makes sense no one really understands how I make a living.
Since I’m a weird dad, I even ended up making a fifteen-year-old new female slave a mom instead of a forty-year-old…… wait, no. That one’s a stretch.
Externally, the old slaves are no longer just slaves; they’re all wives now. But the women themselves don’t seem too hung up on that distinction anymore.
Broadly speaking, there’s the status of female slave, and within that, if you have children or make a sufficient contribution and are recognized as “a full member,” you earn the external title of wife. That’s how it works now.
And recently, the number of slaves has been increasing from time to time. I didn’t intend to add more, but they’ve kept showing up.
I know I shouldn’t be getting a girl our age pregnant, really. But unfortunately, standing my ground against an enthusiastic partner is a bad habit of mine, and before I knew it, she was pregnant, and we even held a celebration party. I doubt many of the children around us would accept me as anything other than a “weird dad.”
“I try to be the kind of dad you could be proud of… but I’m so weird there’s nothing to be proud of.”
“Um. To me, you’re a totally normal dad I can be proud of.”
“You’re a good kid, Claudio…”
I get a little misty-eyed.
But how does a ten-year-old find any redeeming qualities in a father who spends every single day soaking in an onsen nude and getting peed on by dozens of mothers? Even when I think about it myself, I can’t come up with anything worth boasting about.
“Everyone says that having more libido than your grandpa is practically legendary for a Dark Elf.”
“Hold on. I mean… first off, who exactly are ‘everyone’?”
“Mama Hilda, Mama Cosmos, Mama Mira, Mama Noelle, and others.”
“In the Dark Elf culture sphere, you’re telling a ten-year-old all that?!”
Sex education arriving this early is rough.
No, I guess my own education was just too late. At ten, I couldn’t even understand what real sex was, so I ended up having vanilla no-fap sessions with Apple because she’s such an innocent.
But how about those mothers who openly explain to their ten-year-old exactly what “your dad is strong in bed” means? Or telling them about their grandfather’s sexual habits? How about that?
“At least in Tark, just saying ‘Andy, the son-in-law of Onyx’ makes everyone know who you’re talking about.”
Is that the type where people point and cuss if I use my real name?
“I don’t mind the origin story part, but please don’t boast about that to me… For starters, I want you to find attraction with a girl one-on-one.”
I pat my son’s head as I lecture him.
Claudio has that handsome, delicate face typical of elven males, so beautiful he could pass for a girl. His hair is slightly long for an ordinary boy, so if he dressed up in a skirt, probably very few people would see through it.
No matter what, girls are creatures who prefer pretty things. If this gorgeous kid becomes a gorgeous young man, he’ll likely be incredibly popular and enjoy a far more privileged youth than I did. But first, I want him to firmly understand the basics: one-on-one relationships.
I absolutely do not want my child to try creating a massive harem like me and get themselves brutally crushed. That’s just too much.
“Hmm…”
Claudio looked slightly troubled by that comment.
Did you actually think harems were the standard way of doing things…?
“Actually, I’d rather have boys than girls…”
My child made a shocking utterance.
”…What?”
“I, uh, no, I mean, it’s just more of a preference!”
”…Oh. Yeah, sure.”
The shaken father.
I—no, wait. Think carefully. Really think about this.
Ms. Hilda is a good wife and wise mother now, but she was always bisexual. She has plenty of repertoire in competitive hooking with girls.
Such an open-minded mother’s values wouldn’t deny her son’s preferences at all.
Given how cute Claudio is, finding a boyfriend shouldn’t be hard for him. Besides, he said “rather,” not that he had zero interest in women. His strike zone is just a bit too broad.
How can I, the guy who has made so many slave females of other races—creatures I should never have easily lusted after—criticize Claudio’s wide direction of love?
“P-Parents is… um, that kind of thing isn’t… unacceptable. Hmm. It’s just a different direction than Papa, but cats overheat and get really nasty with each other on full moon nights, so…”
Right. Same-sex attraction is never abnormal.
I’ve had it around me before. My circle just happened to be full of female examples, so I never really noticed otherwise.
Okay. Calm down.
”…Thanks.”
Claudio showed an angelic smile at his father who, despite being shaken, acknowledged his minority sexual preference.
Damn… I can see why Hilda feels that way. Even if one had some reservations about Claudio’s preferences, it’s impossible to be cruel in the face of that smile. “As for using the rear passage, Tetes’ Mama taught me quite a bit, and Hilda Mama said there are plenty of people in Taruk who find it acceptable. I’m sure I’ll find a lover eventually.” “Tetes…” A complex mix of emotions rose within me regarding the female slaves who went to extraordinary lengths to create an environment suited to Claudio’s tastes. It’s not my place to complain, but… ugh.
Among the children, Frena, Neia’s daughter, has been particularly active lately.
Initially, she took up swordsmanship from Neia but showed little talent; however, after learning dance from Nool and Lulkino, she began progressing rapidly.
Her physical coordination was truly a gift inherited from Neia, and her lively Dark Elf dance steps were perfectly traced by her small frame.
That part is fine. What’s problematic is that while she looks like Neia, she has a mischievous streak. She engages in pranks—throwing eggs at people or stealing food—and then quickly slips away into the city’s alleys, growing into quite a headache for everyone.
While Granj and Polka are used to it, making her easy to find, she can vanish without a trace in the capital or Taruk in an instant, so one never lets their guard down.
One could locate her instantly using the dragons’ hearing, but unfortunately, after being found several times that way, she learned quickly and, demonstrating unnecessary genius at age eleven, independently developed magic to change her voice, continuing to run around the capital.
Eventually, Neia lost it all together and gave chase using her top-tier physical abilities, leaving a legend behind in the capital, but I’ll leave that aside for now.
If not for her pranks, she’s a good child… or so I tell myself, perhaps biased as a parent.
Lately, Emma has been strictly vigilant every time Frena leaves Granj, making me feel that it really doesn’t need to be that intense.
“Setting the pranks aside, she’s developed a habit of choosing dangerous locations for escape routes because of the acrobatic dance styles she learned. With a child’s physical abilities, running on rooftops and along canals… it could lead to irreversible consequences.”
“I understand.”
Irreversible consequences, even with Polka’s spring water or Break Core regenerative treatments, means death.
If a human lands badly, they can die just from rolling down a staircase. A child is even more vulnerable.
“We need to make her stop before it’s too late.”
“But… do you think that will work? Neia has probably told her ‘it’s dangerous, stop’ countless times.”
“For example, actually making her hurt a little…”
“If it stays light, that would be fine.”
“Since she once really angered Neia, we’d need to inflict something worse than that for it to have any meaning… so even ‘light’ is difficult.”
Getting Neia angry must be serious business indeed. And something even worse?
“Hmm… Maybe Frena isn’t scared of Neia because they spend so much time together. How about having someone truly dangerous scold her… like Lyra?”
“Could a child who normally provokes the dragons even comprehend how terrifying Lady Lyra is?”
”…I see. In the end, she’d expect the dragons to hold back. So what about Tetes, Cosmos, or Lady… someone with a different kind of danger?”
“That’s still just the scary side of the adult world…”
“Hmm…”
How to effectively scold a child who is too accustomed to facing formidable opponents. It’s quite a puzzle.
What should we do…
The solution came from an unexpected source, or at least that’s how it seemed: Elenia. “You just need to make Frena stop the annoying pranks, right?” “W-well, yes…” “That kind of thing doesn’t work no matter how desperately adults try.” Saying this, Elenia took on the task. A few days later, when Frena came to Polka, Elenia caught her in the act of attempting some bold stunt against the baron in the middle of the street. “Until when are you going to do such stupid stuff? You’re eleven—aren’t you a bit too young?” She looked down at Frena with eyes as cold as they could be.
“U… w-wait, don’t you still…”
“You had Mamma Noel teach you how to dance like a lady, but this country bumpkin prince only knows how to play boyish games. Hmph.”
…A strategy to tickle each other’s pride as kids.
When I look back, I realize I was lumping all “adults” into one category. Around that age, at least.
As targets for teasing and playing with, it hardly mattered if they were high-ranking or scary; the difference was minimal.
Were they not a “teasing target”? Was I supposed to intervene from inside the line drawn on the kid’s side?
…No surprise there. Frena took Elenia’s bait right off the hook.
It was probably because, as half-sisters of relatively close age, they were already conscious of each other.
“Polka is way more provincial than Grandis! And you’re just acting tough when you’re nothing but a futa-freak! You’re the one being a little kid!”
…Hey. I’m talking to you, E. Given your recent behavior, I can’t really argue with that.
That’s what I thought, but Elenia was unfazed.
“Little kids’ heads only get that far.”
”…It’s just so irritating! Just because you’re a year or two older…”
“I hope you lot quit playing the mixed-gender prank game by the time you’re six or seven. I really wonder how long this is going to last. Is your mother spoiling you rotten?”
“W-well, my mom is strict!”
Try not to use the mothers as a talking point like that, Selen. You’re quite doting, actually. At least I’ve never seen you get angry at him.
…Looking at it now, while Polka has an environment where co-mothers can share responsibilities, Neia is struggling with her adolescent daughter. Maybe I should go to Grandis more often.
I do visit sometimes, but usually, I have to play the role of father and mother simultaneously.
“Besides… since Dad doesn’t really take me on one-on-one dates, that’s why you can say things like that, Frena.”
“W-what…”
“Mom and everyone else say it, don’t they? Dad is special… but if you truly understood what that meant, you couldn’t stay a child forever… ♪”
Elenia shifted from the vibe of playing with kids to an instant, chilling allure and ecstasy in her expression.
Frena looked confused by Elenia’s inscrutable demeanor.
“W-what are you… I mean, Dad just… he even says he doesn’t know why he’s so popular…”
“That’s because that’s all you see of him. Because you don’t understand… you probably think he’s just a promiscuous lecherous old man, right?”
Elenia leaned in close to Frena and whispered.
“The real Dad… even Mamma Neia, even Sister Aurora… even Diane’s Mom, the Dragons, they all get so head over heels for him that their heads explode. He’s a man who makes even the strongest women want children. You’ve never really thought about having someone like that around, have you?…”
”…”
”…Heh heh. Just as I thought. Little Princess ♪”
“T-that kind of… that kind of thing about a father is weird!…”
”…The opposite of weird is normal. Dad isn’t normal at all. You know that, don’t you?”
“B-but…”
No good. This is no good, E.
You’re acting a lot like Selen right now. The dangerous vibe type.
You really shouldn’t try to drag your half-sister down that weird path, no matter what.
So, feeling the crisis, I tried to step in to stop her, only to be stopped by Selen and Apple, who had also come out from behind cover, along with Anzeros and Neia—a mysterious group of half-elves.
“Let’s leave this up to E-chan, shall we? Yes ♪”
“I don’t think E-chan has touched him yet, Mr. Andy… And with that level of understanding…”
“She really is Selen’s daughter, isn’t she… I can’t even put it into words myself properly, so being able to speak about Andy’s charms like that is impressive.”
“My child really is such a troublemaker… If Elenia-chan persuades her, I think she’ll calm down a bit.”
Everyone’s impressed by Elenia’s serpent’s tongue. “If we keep this up, the flow of things is going to force both Elenia and Frena into becoming father material that doesn’t cut it as a dad. Aren’t we reaching the point where we need to make them feel their mistakes?” “Mr. Andy is a weird papa ♪” “There’s nothing you can do about it.” “I think if you just used contraceptive magic, there’d be no problem.” “If Frena acts more like a girl… I guess it’s okay to make her a slave harem member.” “No way! You were that worked up, Neia!? You absolutely should not be saying something like that as a parent!? And as a wife too, that’s really out of line!” “But I thought the Flashlight Sword would at least step in as a stand-in father figure, but it was completely useless… All it does is just replay old stories.” I have to try harder. As a father. As a father. …Why doesn’t anyone stop me from looking like I’m about to lay a hand on my daughters?