“It’s a common problem in rural areas: too many kids to handle.”
With no entertainment of any kind, the only thing keeping me going is intimacy with my wife. The locals are happy for it too—more workers and potential heirs means more prosperity. So I let her work as much as she likes.
Before I knew it, we ended up with a large family.
Especially since beastfolk tend to have twins or triplets as a norm, having kids often leads to families of ten or more in no time.
At Isaac’s place, his wife is a pair of beastfolk sisters, so they’ve got about twenty kids now and are struggling. It’s not like I can tell them to slow down, though.
In fact, the catfolk have had a baby boom.
Including the cat colony, I’ve got over two hundred kids of my own. The original cat colony has more than doubled in size.
I asked Irina if it was really manageable, and she just brushed me off with something like, “How could we not handle it? We’ve got dragons too, after all.”
As for food, the bored Blue and Silver Dragons take turns patrolling the cat colony and helping with monster hunts, so there’s no issue.
Clothing and education are also taken care of thanks to direct trade with the elf territory. Once the kids reach an age where they can understand, they’re enrolled in Polka Academy, a private school run by Laurel and the others.
Laurel says catfolk are notoriously fickle, but the experienced elf and dragon instructors in various fields are exceptionally skilled. In fact, some of the little kittens have shown such magical talent that it’s almost rivaling Irina’s.
Well, they don’t have Irina’s lifespan, so I guess they’ll never really catch up.
“I mean, almost all of them are my kids… It’s a weird way to put it, but it still doesn’t feel real.”
“Right? There aren’t any kids here that Papa doesn’t know about, are there?”
“Yeah, but still. Two hundred of them…”
“And this isn’t even all of them, is it?”
”…Yeah, you’re right about that.”
Standing behind the Polka Academy auditorium with Claudius, I sighed.
Of course, kids who can’t think for themselves don’t come to the academy. And Claudius is only ten, but being Hilda’s son, he’s exceptionally smart and has already self-studied all the major academy subjects, so he’s treated as a graduate.
Compared to Peter, who’s always chasing after girls’ chests, it’s quite a contrast.
By the way, the academy is only open for half a year during winter when everyone has free time. During summer, they all spend their time back in their hometowns. It’s not just cats—there are also elves and children born to prostitutes attending, and beyond that, students from Polka Town and Grange gather here as well.
But still, the only ones who come for the opening ceremony are mostly my kids.
Especially the cats, who are brought by dragons, so they’re guaranteed to show up. And since it’s an extension of the church’s educational program, there’s also a relaxed attitude that even if they don’t attend the opening or closing ceremonies, it’s fine.
But just because they’ve completed everything doesn’t mean they get any kind of award for it. That’s about it, I guess.
There are some benefits to this, though. During the time they’re at this academy, lodging and meals are free. After all, most of the students here are my children, so it’s only natural that we do this for them, and eventually, it became the same for the external students.
Well, regarding lodging, half are staying at the inn I manage, and the other half are staying at the Vapor Palace. Of course, the palace is reserved for my children only.
I strongly recommend the inn for the boys, though. Some might ask if it’s okay for the girls, but the female slaves assured me it’s fine since “there are almost no boys here.” Of course, I haven’t mandated undressing.
But the cat beastmen don’t seem to mind much and end up going naked without hesitation.
From now on, if I want to stick to my policy of “not letting anything indecent happen to my daughters,” this situation isn’t ideal. Maybe I should negotiate with Baron or Kristi to set up another inn run by family members.
…But if I expand the inn business too much, it might start to involve the question of who I really am.
I’m a blacksmith. The owner of the Smison Armory. Though, aside from the crossbow unit, I still don’t get much work.
“Hmm…”
“I always think you have weird worries, Papa.”
“Well, I am a weird Papa… My apologies.”
Since my line of work is so different from other fathers, it’s often hard to explain things to the children as they grow older. Lately, I’ve been using the excuse “I’m just a weird Papa” a lot.
But since I’m a weird Papa, it’s not surprising that there are too many mothers. And since I’m a weird Papa, it’s not strange that I don’t really know what I’m doing to earn a living.
I’m a weird dad, so it’s no surprise that even though I’m already 40, I’ve ended up with a 15-year-old female slave as my mother… Wait, no. That would be too much.
Externally, the female slaves who used to be slaves are now all officially wives, but they don’t really mind that distinction anymore.
There’s a broad category of being a female slave, and within that, if you have children or make some significant contributions, you’re considered “mature” and are granted the external title of wife. It’s kind of like that.
Recently, though, there have been more female slaves. I don’t mean to increase their numbers, but they’ve kept growing.
I know it’s a bad idea to impregnate a girl who’s around the same age as Elenia, but unfortunately, I can’t help but keep pushing myself on active girls, and before I knew it, I’d ended up with a baby, and we even had a celebration party. I think most of the kids would say, “Well, he’s a weird dad, so what can you do?”
“I just want to be as proud a dad as I can… but it’s hard when I’m too weird to even be proud of.”
“Well, from my perspective, you’re a perfectly proud dad.”
“Crow is such a good kid…”
I get teary-eyed.
But how does a 10-year-old find so much to admire in a father who spends every day, naked in the hot spring, splashing white pee on dozens of mothers? I can’t even think of any traits to be proud of.
“Even among Dark Elves, it’s already legendary that he’s more sexually active than his grandfather,” they all say.
“Wait. Uh… Let’s just say everyone…”
“Hilda Mama, Cosmos Mama, Mira Mama, Nola Mama…”
“In the Dark Elf cultural sphere, teaching a 10-year-old that much…!”
“Their sex education is too early.”
“No, I think it’s just that my past self was too late. When I was 10, I couldn’t understand real sex and ended up playing with Apple in her natural state instead.”
“But still, these mothers are so shameless, teaching their 10-year-old kids things like ‘Your dad is good at sex’ or whatever. And then they even teach them about their grandpa’s… stuff. What’s up with that?”
“At least in Talc, if you say ‘Andy, the Oniki’s son-in-law,’ everyone knows who you mean.”
“Isn’t that the kind of thing where once you name it, people point at you and laugh?”
“It’s fine if it’s just the part that leads to that, but I don’t want him to brag about that… First, I want him to find his charm with girls one by one.”
“He pats his son on the head gently, explaining things calmly.”
“Claudio, being an elf-like boy, has a beautiful face that could easily be mistaken for a girl’s. His hair is slightly longer than average for a boy, so if he cross-dresses, it’s unlikely many people would notice.”
“Girls, in the end, are creatures who like pretty things. If this handsome boy grows into a handsome young man, he’ll probably be extremely popular and live a much more blessed youth than I did. But first, I want him to understand that it’s always one person with another person.”
“I don’t want my son to suddenly try to create a huge harem like me and end up getting stabbed in the back. That would just be too painful for me.”
Upon hearing this, Claudio made a slightly troubled face.
“You’re the type who thinks a harem is the norm, aren’t you?”
[Child]: “If anything, I’m more into boys than girls…”
My child let out an astonishing mutter.
”…Huh?”
“Huh? Oh, no, I mean ‘if anything’!”
”…Oh.”
Father was flustered.
W-wait, think about it. Really think about it.
Hilda-san is a good wife and mother now, but she’s always been bi. She has plenty of repertoire when it comes to pleasuring girls.
Her broad-minded perspective wouldn’t deny her son’s preferences either.
With Cloud’s cuteness, it shouldn’t be hard to find a boyfriend. And besides, “to an extent.” It’s not like I’m completely uninterested in women. It’s just that my strike zone is a bit too wide.
How can I criticize Cloud’s broad love orientation when I’ve been turning non-human slaves into female slaves myself?
“Pa-Pa… um, well… I don’t think that’s… off the table. Um. It’s just different from Pa-Pa’s preferences, but I heard the cats get way too worked up during the full moon and do… ahem… things with each other…”
That’s right. Homosexuality is not abnormal at all.
It was something close to me. It’s just that most of the examples around me were women, so I didn’t notice it.
OK. Calm down.
”…Thanks.”
Even as I was flustered, Cloud smiled at me like an angel for acknowledging my minority sexual preferences.
Ugh… I think I understand Hilda-san’s feelings a little now. Even if I had reservations about Cloud’s preferences, I couldn’t bring myself to say anything cruel with that smile.
“Regarding using the… back door, Tete-sama taught me a lot… and Hilda-sama said that in Taruk, it’s pretty common. I’m sure you’ll find someone soon.”
”…Tetes…”
I felt mixed emotions toward the female slaves who’ve been unnecessarily preparing the environment for Cloud.
Note: This is a sample text for testing purposes only. It does not reflect real-world scenarios.
Sigh… I hate having to complain about this, but… ugh.
Among the children lately, the one who’s been particularly lively is Frena, Neia’s daughter.
Initially, she learned swordsmanship from Neia, but she didn’t have much talent for it. However, after learning dance from Nour-san and Lucino-san, she has made significant progress.
Her athletic ability, inherited from Neia, is as impressive as ever, and she flawlessly traces the lively dark elf dance steps in her small body.
That’s all well and good.
Though she looks just like Neia, she’s a prankster who throws eggs at people, steals food, and generally causes trouble. She grows up to be a troublesome child who quickly disappears into the alleys of the city.
I’m used to dealing with kids in Grange and polkas, so I can handle it, but she’s so quick that she’s often gone missing even in places like the royal capital or Tark.
If we use the dragons’ hearing to track her down, we’ll find her right away. Unfortunately, after being found out so many times, she’s learned her lesson and has developed a voice-changing spell by herself at the age of 11—quite the unnecessary genius. She’s been running around the royal capital with it.
And eventually, Neia got so fed up that she used her continent-best physical abilities for a serious pursuit, leaving behind legends in the royal capital. But let’s set that aside.
If only she didn’t have that prankster streak… though maybe that’s just parental bias.
Lately, Emma has been extra vigilant whenever Frena leaves Grange, and it feels like she’s taking it a bit too far…
“Pranks aside, the problem is that she’s gotten into the habit of picking dangerous spots as her escape routes because she learned acrobatic dance moves by accident. A child’s body running around on rooftops and near waterways… it could lead to something irreversible.”
Even if you try to restore Polka’s Spirit Spring or Break Core with regeneration treatments, it’s already too late. In other words, death.
Humans can die from the worst possible timing, even falling down a staircase. Children are especially at risk.
“We need to find a way to stop them soon.”
“But… I’m not sure if that’ll work. How many times has Neia’s mom told her to stop because it’s dangerous?”
“Maybe if we actually make her feel some pain…”
”…As long as it’s not too serious, that is.”
“Making Neia angry is already a big deal… So how much worse does it have to get before it’s meaningful? It’s hard to know what’s ‘light’ in this case.”
It’s rare for Neia to get truly angry. And even if she does, would it be enough?
“Hmm… Maybe because I’m used to dealing with her, I don’t find her scary anymore. Then how about someone else… Like Lila, who’s genuinely terrifying…”
“Would a child who always picks on dragons really understand the true terror of Lady Lila?”
”…You’re right. They’d probably think even dragons would hold back in the end. Then what about Tete, Cosmos-san, or Lady… Someone else who’s equally scary in their own way…”
“That’s also the fear of the adult world, after all…”
“Hmm…”
An effective way to anger a child who has grown too accustomed to intimidating opponents. It’s quite difficult.
What should I do…?
Surprisingly—or rather, in some way, it was Elenia who solved it.
“Just make Frena stop with all that annoying harassment, right?”
“Well, yeah…”
“You can’t just desperately try to stop something like that as an adult.”
Elenia said that and took on the task.
Then a few days later, when Frena came to Polka, Elenia caught her trying to do something bold to the baron in the middle of town.
“Why are you still doing such lame stuff? Aren’t you way too childish for an 11-year-old?”
She looked down at Frena with a completely cold gaze.
“Ugh… w-what? You’re still like that…”
“After learning such a womanly dance from Noor Mama, this country bumpkin can only play childish games like a boy. Heh.”
…So it’s a strategy to tease each other as kids.
Now that I think about it, I feel like I’ve been lumping all “adults” together until now. Back when we were around her age.
If you look at it from the perspective of someone to tease and play with, whether they’re important or impressive doesn’t really matter.
It’s not about being that kind of target, but if you’re on the “child” side of the line, you have to stop them from crossing over.
…As expected, Frena easily fell for Elenia’s provocation.
Maybe it’s because they were relatively close in age as half-sisters and were always aware of each other.
“Elenia’s polka is even more country than Grange! You’re acting all mature, but you’re just a daddy’s girl, aren’t you? That makes you even more of a kid!”
…Hey. She’s got you there, Elenia. If you look at how she’s been acting lately, you can’t really argue back.
I thought so too, but Elenia remains calm.
“Kids’ brains only get to that level, huh?”
“Ugh, annoying… Just because I’m a year or two older than you…”
“I wish they’d stop with this childish prank play by the time they’re six or seven. Seriously, how long is this going to last? Maybe they’re just spoiled by their moms.”
“M-my mom’s strict, though!”
“Don’t make fun of our moms like that. Selen’s pretty lenient, isn’t she? At least I’ve never seen her mad at you.”
…Looking back, I realize Neia’s having a tough time with her teenage daughter in this Polka environment where the moms take turns. Maybe I should visit more often.
“Even when I do come by, I still have to play both dad and mom roles at the same time.”
“And… you can say that because you don’t get a proper chance to spend time with Dad, right, Frena?”
“What…?”
“M-mom said it, didn’t she? Dad’s special… If you really understand what that means, you won’t be able to stay just a kid anymore…♪”
Elenia’s expression shifted in an instant, from the childlike vibe to a chilling mix of seduction and ecstasy.
Frena looked confused by Elenia’s inexplicable demeanor.
“What are you…? Dad always says he doesn’t really know why he’s so popular…”
“Because that’s all you’ve ever seen of Papa. You don’t understand him… You just think he’s a sleazy old man, right?”
Elenia leaned closer to Frena and whispered.
“The real Papa is… He makes Nae-mama, Aurora-nee-san, Dianne-mama, the dragons… everyone fall for him so hard they can’t think straight. You’ve never really considered that there’s a man like that, someone who could make even the strongest women want to have children, right here, in real life…?”
”…”
”…Hehe. As I thought, O-kosa-ma♪”
“W-wait, talking about your father like that is weird…!”
”…The opposite of weird is normal. Papa isn’t normal at all. You know that, don’t you?”
“But…”
No good. No good at all, Elenia.
You’re acting just like Selen right now. In that dangerous mood of hers.
You can’t possibly be trying to drag your own step-sister down that kind of path, can you?
So I decided to intervene, feeling a sense of urgency, but I was stopped by Selen, Apple, Anzeros, and Nae—a mysterious group of half-elf girls who had also come out of hiding.
“Let’s leave this to Eri-chan. Right? ♪”
“I’m pretty sure I haven’t laid a hand on Eri-chan yet, Andy-san. …And yet her understanding is like that.”
“As expected of Selen’s daughter. Even I’m not confident I can properly put it into words, but she manages to describe Andy’s charm so well.”
“My child has truly caused you trouble… If Eri-chan keeps persuading her, she might calm down a bit.”
Everyone was captivated by Eri’s snake-like eloquence.
“But if this keeps up, it’ll feel like I’m being forced to act like a father unfit for both Eri and Frena. Doesn’t that feel like the wrong kind of lesson?”
“Andy-san is such an odd father ♪”
“I guess there’s no helping it.”
“I think using contraception magic would solve the problem.”
“If Frena can become more like a proper girl… I don’t mind turning her into a female slave.”
“Wait, Neia, you’ve been that worked up!? That’s absolutely something you shouldn’t say as a parent!? As a wife, it’s pretty bad too!?”
“I thought the Flash Sword would at least be a little like a father figure, but it turned out to be completely useless… It only became a machine for replaying old stories.”
I’ll… I’ll try harder as a father. As a father.
……Why doesn’t anyone stop me from doing something to my daughter?